Episode 61 – There’s No Way My step sister Would Snuggle up to Me….

My relationship with Aigou san was still short.

I only met her a few times since she and Tamio san changed assignments at the beginning of spring.

But there were many things I learned from her.

I admired her for her kindness and advice about my novels, my home, and my future.

Sometimes strict, sometimes fun, and most of all, there’s no doubt that I was attracted to her kind smile.

However, I’ve come to know a fact that I shouldn’t be aware of.

There was a huge presence living in her heart that no one could ever enter.

It’s not like I was rejected, I was overwhelmed by that invisible presence.

Even Tamio san , whom I have admired for many years, has not been able to step into this presence.

It’s the opponent that even Tamio san can’t beat, so there’s no way that I can. Until yesterday, I had been able to avoid encountering a love that was never going to come true. But now that I know the truth, I am confronted with reality.

As a result, tears began to swell up in my eyes.

“W-what’s wrong? Are you okay !?”

“Eh?”

Seeing the tears welling up in my eyes, my step sister stood up quickly and grabbed a few tissues.

When I saw my step sister was in panic, I put my hand over my own eye and found that the corner of my eye was still wet. I received a tissue from my step sister and wiped my eyes, but the tears didn’t stop.

“W-what? I wonder what’s wrong with me……”

I tried desperately to keep my composure, but it didn’t work.

My step sister was just watching me with a dumbfounded expression.

Embarrassed by my step sister’s gaze, I shrink.

…..I’m not sure why I’m crying. 

 I’m desperately trying to think of a reason for my tears.

The reason is obvious.

It was a love that was never going to come true.

To her, I’m just a younger writer. We’re in a different world……

Then why did I try to seek it?

It reminded me of certain words that I pretended not to notice until now.

[…Being alone is lonely]

I remember her face when she muttered so sadly.

I felt as if I had found myself in her when she said those words.

That’s right, I had become afraid of being alone……

The presence of my step father had removed the oath I had stubbornly sworn to keep in my heart.

The unwritten rule that I had sworn to myself as a child that I would  protect my mother …….

I have lived my life to protect only that, and my past is covered by her past. I realize how much she was like me.

In my sympathy for her, I had developed the selfish illusion that she understood me the most.

By the time I realized this, I was already crying.

“I’m so pathetic…….”

“Eh?”

I spoke without any context, and my step sister raised hers in surprise.

“To say that I’m still scared of being alone….”

Even if you are a family member, a friend, or even a lover, you can’t say you’re alone if you don’t get along with them.

Without realizing it, I kept turning away from others.

“…it’s okay. You’re not alone.”

Saying that, my step sister came closer and stroked my head.

“……Sora?”

I don’t know what happened, but …..you’re not alone. Riku.”

When I looked up at my step sister who continued to talk while stroking my head, her face was right next to me. Her smiling expression that she gave to me with a gentle face made me explode with all the emotions that I was desperately suppressing.

“Uwaaaa…..”

My voice came out inaudible, and my tears flowed uncontrollably.

Seeing this, my step sister slowly wrapped her arms around my head. Then, she continues to stroke my head gently.

I feel her warmth as my head is wrapped around her small, thin body. This melts the ice walls that I had closed off. The melted ice wall became tears, which kept falling from my eyes.

Only my crying sound echoed through the house where there were just the two of us.

I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I just kept crying.

I didn’t know that my step sister had a bitter look on her face at that moment.

As I calmed down, I noticed a faint, soft scent peculiar to girls. A sense of shame, which I had not paid attention to while I was crying, began to well up deep inside me.

“……Sorry. It’s okay now.”

“…..Okay.”

I was so embarrassed that I grabbed my step sister’s thin arms and slowly moved them away. The moment my eyes met my step sister’s, I turned my face away from her.

I’m afraid that my face is bright red.

Unable to comprehend the meaning of another emotion that welled up along with shame, I stood up without being able to say anything.

“….Where are you going?”

My step sister called out to me when she saw me standing up.

“…I’m sorry, I just don’t have an appetite. I’m going to bed now.”

“No, it’s fine. There are times like that…”

With a somewhat sad voice, she returned to her seat and I walked out of the living room saying [Sorry.] to my step sister.

My step sister muttered a word as if to chase my back.

“…….You’re not alone, we’re family.

Without stopping, I headed upstairs to my room.

I didn’t know what I was feeling right now……

After returning to my room, I lie down on my bed and try to sort through the emotions that have become muddled from crying.

I think of Aigou san, my step sister, my childhood friend, idol sama, my wife and the people I’ve been hanging out with recently.

The only thing that has changed is my appearance, nothing has changed in terms of my personality. And yet, these women have started to pay attention to me.

If I am receiving kindness from them just like Aigou san said, is it only because of my appearance?

What would have happened if I had grown my hair long and built my own wall like before? I don’t know.

Perhaps no one would’ve come near me.

Then I wouldn’t have felt this way, and I wouldn’t have been afraid of being alone.

However, cutting my hair has allowed me to see the reality that I have been trying not to see, and as a result, I have found myself in this pitiful situation.

“Would I change if I knew…….?”

I muttered to myself.

The environment has changed, my family has changed, my relationships with people have changed. From the moment I realized that I was the only one who hadn’t changed, I wondered if I would ever change …….

I don’t know.

Even that is up to me.

My immature thinking is over capacity.

I just don’t want to think about anything right now……

When I turn over and look at the desk, I can see my computer.

[…..Let’s break up.]

Without knowing the reason, I think of the GFO screen that I haven’t opened since that day.

Suddenly, as if sensing something, my feet naturally move toward the computer and I turn it on.

After booting up, I log in to GFO.

She probably won’t be in…….

Still, for some reason, I had a feeling that I had to log in.

When I finished logging in, I could see my avatar lying at home as usual.

Only one thing was different…….

That was when my wife was standing beside me.

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