A Thousand Thoughts

Because the winter vacation was already short and there was a happy family spring festival, the classmates were quite enthusiastic about going home. After all the exams were over, everyone didn’t linger at school anymore.

 

Tang Cuo was the only local in the dormitory, and his parents could only come back before the new year, so he wasn’t in a hurry to go home. He planned to send everyone in the dormitory away one by one before returning.

 

On this day, he had just sent Zhao Feifei to the station with He Zhong when Tang Xu called him to have dinner.

 

He glanced at He Zhong beside him and said, “I’ll eat with He Zhong tonight…”

 

“Are you two together?”

 

“Uh, we just sent our roommate away, and it’s just the two of us left. We’ll go eat.”

 

Unexpectedly, Tang Xu said, “Okay, I’ll come pick you guys up, and we’ll eat together. Where are you? I’ll come get you.”

 

“What?” Tang Cuo didn’t expect him to make such a decision. “Oh, we’re at the West Station.”

 

Although He Zhong had been sneaking peeks at Tang Cuo’s phone since it lit up, the chaotic environment of the West Station made his eavesdropping efforts very unsuccessful. When Tang Cuo hung up the phone and told him that Tang Xu wanted to pick them up for dinner, he stood still, didn’t move his head, and looked up at the high ceiling, clapping his thighs twice.

 

Tang Cuo put away his phone and looked at him strangely. “What are you doing?”

 

He Zhong turned his head and looked at him, drooping the corners of his mouth. “I feel like I should have gone with Zhao Fei Fei just now.”

 

Tang Cuo couldn’t understand the hidden meaning and furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?”

 

As they waited by the roadside for Tang Xu, He Zhong kept fidgeting and humming, like he had ADHD. Tang Cuo slapped him and said, “Be quiet.”

 

“I can’t be quiet. I’m nervous about eating with the teacher!” 

 

Said as if it were true.1“说得好像真的一样” (Said as if it were true) could imply that the speaker thinks that someone is exaggerating or being insincere in what they are saying.

 

Tang Cuo felt that He Zhong had been acting strangely since earlier, but when he asked him what was going on, He Zhong didn’t say anything. So he could only attribute He Zhong’s behaviour to being “exam-stressed” in his mind.

 

Tang Xu was lucky today and didn’t get stuck in traffic during rush hour, so they arrived in a short time.

 

After getting in the car, He Zhong greeted Tang Xu respectfully, “Hello, Teacher Tang.”

 

Although this was expected, it made Tang Cuo feel a little embarrassed. He usually doesn’t call Tang Xu by his formal title outside of school and instead uses “you” as a pronoun. But with He Zhong here, he wondered if it would be inappropriate to continue to use such casual language. 

 

“Hello, Teacher Tang.”

 

Tang Xu was about to start the car when he heard him call out. He immediately turned his head and burst out laughing. “What are you following along for?”

 

Tang Cuo raised his nose, puzzled. Why is showing respect for one’s teacher considered following along for fun?

 

“What do you want to eat?” Tang Xu asked the two of them.

 

“Anything is fine…” Before he could finish his sentence, Tang Xu shot him a look that stopped him in his tracks.

 

Tang Cuo extended his hand and pointed backward while looking at Tang Xu. “…Let He Zhong decide.”

 

He Zhong clung to the passenger seat and protested, “Why do I have to decide? You decide!”

 

Tang Cuo turned to face him with a serious expression, “I…am a Libra and have trouble making decisions.”

 

Tang Xu, who was driving, was distracted by their conversation and burst out laughing when he heard this.

 

“You’re talking nonsense… What do you mean you’re a Libra? Don’t think I don’t know you’re a Cancer!”

 

In the end, it was He Zhong who made the choice. Tang Xu was his teacher, and they didn’t have any personal relationships, so he put a lot of effort into choosing a restaurant. He couldn’t choose one that was too expensive or too cheap, and it had to have good food. After looking around, he picked a well-known restaurant in a shopping mall.

 

The three of them found a table and sat down. Tang Xu asked Tang Cuo, “Do you want to drink milk tea? They have Gong Cha here.”

 

Tang Cuo thought for a moment and said yes.

 

“Then I’ll go buy you a cup. How about He Zhong, do you want to drink?”

 

“I don’t drink milk tea; it keeps me awake.”

 

At this point, Tang Xu was about to get up, but Tang Cuo stood up and said, “I’ll go by myself. I haven’t decided what to drink yet, so I’ll pick it myself.”

 

After Tang Cuo left, He Zhong felt even more awkward. He took the water that Tang Xu poured for him and looked around for something to talk about. Suddenly, he saw the TV in the restaurant playing various news programmes on mute, so he said, “Hey? Did Tang Cuo’s goddess win an award?”

 

Tang Xu’s hand holding the water pot stopped for a moment, and he looked up with a raised eyebrow. “Goddess? Is he a fan?”

 

As they spoke, Tang Xu was looking at the small television behind them. While watching the TV, He Zhong’s voice rang out again: “You don’t know, Tang Lao Shi, but Cuo Cuo is crazy about Shi Xi. He goes to almost every one of her performances. What’s even scarier is that one time he went to Shanghai to see her show the day before he had a calculus exam in the afternoon.”

 

“Shanghai?” Tang Xu was shocked.

 

“Yes, he doesn’t just watch shows in Beijing; he’ll go wherever there’s a performance in China. And a lot of times, Shi Xi’s shows are sold out, so he’ll even get our dorm to help him get tickets, saying that we’re better at playing games and have faster fingers.”

 

Tang Xu had never thought it would be like this. Last time Tang Cuo said he failed to get a ticket, he thought it was just a polite excuse. But now that he had put down the teapot, he suddenly remembered when Tang Cuo said that.

 

Why did he have to lie?

 

How many times has he watched Shi Xi’s performances over the years? What does he think about during the journey to the theatre, during the show, and after leaving the theatre?

 

Tang Cuo came back with a cup of milk tea and two cups of freshly squeezed orange juice in his other hand.

 

Tang Xu was surprised to find that the meal was more lively than usual in the presence of He Zhong. He Zhong was joking and making fun, while Tang Cuo mostly listened attentively and responded when He Zhong asked him a question or waited for his response, just like how he usually interacted with Tang Xu. He wouldn’t interrupt or bring up topics unnecessarily, and he would minimize his presence when his response wasn’t needed. It was a far cry from the chatty kid he used to be.

 

Tang Xu sighed inwardly and scooped a bowl of soup for each of them.

 

On the way back to school, Tang Xu asked He Zhong, “Will you be okay sleeping alone tonight?”

 

He Zhong didn’t respond immediately, and only after an interrogative word did he say, “Oh, it’s okay, it’s okay…”

 

However, Tang Cuo couldn’t bear to leave He Zhong alone in the dormitory. “I’ll go back to the dormitory.”

 

He Zhong was moved but still politely declined, “No need, I’m a grown man and not afraid.”

 

Tang Cuo turned back and said, “No, I’m afraid you’ll be suffocated if there’s no one to talk to at night.”

 

“…I’ll go to the next dormitory to talk!”

 

After saying goodbye to He Zhong, Tang Xu reached out and touched his head, asking, “Have you eaten enough just now?”

 

“I ate enough.” 

 

But Tang Xu said, “I haven’t eaten enough; let’s go eat some more.”

 

Tang Cuo was puzzled and asked, “Is the food not good?”

 

Tang Xu shook his head and started driving, “I just didn’t have an appetite earlier.” 

 

The vehicle was travelling on the streets of Beijing, and Tang Cuo looked at the night scenery outside the window in a good mood. He has always liked Beijing in the winter, with a biting cold and a chill in the air. Most people on the streets are dressed in bulky clothes with red noses and exhaling white breaths, walking around with their heads down, and the streets are always hovering with a few birds. Unlike summer, which is so exposed due to the cold and desolation, he can even wrap himself up, leaving only a pair of eyes exposed, in order to obtain some thin self-protection and a sense of security, and he won’t attract attention from passersby because of his strange appearance.

 

The streets were now adorned with red lanterns. He began staring at row after row of these lanterns, fixing his eyes on one until it had passed him completely. Only then did he turn his head to focus on the next one. He used to do this all the time when he was in his father’s car, both to pass the time and to test his own standard of measuring car speed.

 

Seeing Tang Cuo’s head bobbing back and forth, Tang Xu couldn’t help but chuckle, “Are you not feeling dizzy?”

 

Tang Cuo turned his head back and replied, “No, it’s quite fun.”

 

After counting the lanterns, he turned on the stereo and started listening to music, not paying attention to where Tang Xu was driving, so he didn’t notice the big sign for McDonald’s until they reached the entrance. Getting out of the car and closing the door, he suddenly realized where he was, and his hand became icy cold.

 

Tang Xu had somehow come around the car and asked him, “What’s wrong?”

 

He stared at the big “M” and struggled to react, and when he looked back at Tang Xu, his nose and eyes were red.

 

“Do you want to eat this?”

 

Tang Xu noticed the subtle changes on his face but pretended not to notice and asked, “Don’t want to eat? If you’re not hungry, you can have a drink.”

 

Tang Cuo opened his mouth, exhaled a white breath for a while, and then said, “Can’t we go somewhere else?”

 

Tang Xu tilted his head, but before he could speak, Tang Cuo took the lead, lowered his head, and walked forward quickly. “It’s okay; let’s go in.”

 

Tang Xu felt anxious as he watched Tang Cuo’s hurried and chaotic back, and he quickly caught up, pressing his shoulder to make him stop. Tang Cuo turned around, tightly pursed his lips, and looked at him with red eyes. 

 

Tang Xu didn’t say anything; he just bent slightly and took his hand.

 

“On a cold winter night with not many people around, holding hands is okay.”

 

1“说得好像真的一样” (Said as if it were true) could imply that the speaker thinks that someone is exaggerating or being insincere in what they are saying.