C5: I Still Remember The Passion

One early morning six months later, Li Rui and Lin Xue were awakened by a knock on the door. Li Rui got dressed blearily and mumbled as he went to open the door.

T/N: We finally have the wife’s name!

“It’s only five o’clock…Who is it?”

When he opened the door, Li Rui was stunned. It was not any stranger but Li Chen’s mother, Lin Shu Qin. Her eyes were red and swollen while her face was ash grey. She looked desperate.

“Mother, what’s wrong with you? Come in and tell me what happened, I’ll help you solve it.”

T/N: Li Rui calls her godmother but I decided to just put mother since they’re very close.

“Xiao Rui, I…I have something to tell you.”

“Okay okay, tell me what happened. Is father having a heart attack?”

T/N: Similarly, he’s calling godfather.

Lin Shu Qin’s lips trembled and she spoke in a hoarse voice, “When he left, he asked me not to tell you, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He didn’t say anything and kept it in his heart. If he told me, I would have never forced him to go on blind dates, asked him to get married or even scold him for being disobedient. Waah…”

Li Rui was confused, but a gust of cold wind blew from nowhere, sending chills down his entire body.

“Mother, what are you talking about? It’s been half a year since Xiao Chenchen left, what did he want to say to me? Did something happen to him in Japan?”

Li Rui anxiously clutched Lin Shu Qin’s shoulder. Deep in his heart, he indistinctly felt that there was something wrong but his entire mind was in shambles and he couldn’t keep a clear head for a while.

“Xiaochen, he didn’t go to Japan at all. He lied to all of us! In fact, he’s been here and there for the past six months…”

“Where is he? What happened to him? Mother, tell me. Oh, is he sick? He kept saying that he had a headache a few months ago but he said he would be fine after taking some medicine. Was he lying to me?”

Lin Shu Qin covered her face and collapsed into Li Rui’s arms, crying out, “He has a malignant brain tumour that can’t be operated on! He lived alone in the building opposite you for the past six months, facing everything alone, my poor child! He’s so pitiful, even until he died, he didn’t want to tell you!”

Until…he died?

Li Rui’s mind blanked out and his whole body began to tremble. He opened his mouth but found that he had become mute and could not make any sound.

My Xiao Chenchen…is dead?

No, that’s impossible. His Xiao Chenchen is so young and healthy, he’s a doctor himself, how could he die?

No, no, how could he have a brain tumour? I don’t believe it, I won’t believe it even if I die!

Lin Shu Qin raised her head from Li Rui’s arms, tears streaming down her cheeks, “He only has you in his heart, but he refuses to say a word to you. He was always afraid that you wouldn’t accept him and would make you embarrassed. He was also afraid that I and his father would be sad. Why doesn’t he think about himself? Wuu, wuu, if it weren’t for the hospital’s call, I wouldn’t even be able to see him for the last time!”

Li Rui shook his head in denial. He pushed Lin Shu Qin away and collapsed to the ground.

She’s gone crazy. She’s crazy! She’s saying that Xiao Chenchen is dead? Why is she cursing her own son?

Oh, it’s not like this, she’s the one who has a brain tumour. That’s why she’s not sober and keeps talking nonsense. Xiao Chenchen is in Japan. Yes, he’s in Japan, I’m going to find him now.

Thinking of this, Li Rui felt his strength recover. He stood up and rushed to the gate, but was stopped Lin Shu Qin.

“Xiao Rui, where are you going? He’s dead. He’s been dead for three days already. His ashes are now in our house, you will never see him again.”

Lin Shu Qin wiped her tears and stretched her trembling right hand. Reaching into her bag, she took out a thick black-skinned notebook, “Take a look, this is his diary. After you read it, you will understand everything.”

Li Rui took the book and looked through it stiffly. The more he looked back, the more heartbroken he felt. By the time he finished reading, he was covered in tears.

The Xiao Chenchen he’s been playing with since young, he was dead?

The Xiao Chenchen who loves to laugh and read and never quarrelled with others is really dead?

It turns out that he has always loved me, but I’m so stupid that I didn’t even realise. I can’t see his face anymore, can’t hear his voice, can’t talk to him anymore. Is that so?

Li Rui, I’m content to see you every day in my last days. I see you drive my sister-in-law to work and see you return home after buying vegetables. You’re right, she is really beautiful and has a good figure.

There are smiles on your faces every day. I can see that you are living a good and happy life. I’m glad. I’m really happy for you and godmother.

I’m leaving, I will continue to protect you in heaven. If you find news of my death, please don’t cry, because I have already lived a peaceful and content life at that time.

But even so, I still don’t regret it. I still want to thank you. At least, I have loved you in this life…

Li Rui lowered his head and looked at his chest blankly. Where is my heart? Why is it missing all of a sudden?

Xiao Chenchen, did you take it away?

At this time, Li Rui’s newly-married wife, Lin Xue, walked out of the room with a pale face and a mournful expression. Her lower abdomen was slightly raised.

She held her protruding stomach and trembled, “Li Rui, don’t do this, you still have me and the child, be sober and think about us.”

Li Rui didn’t say a word and acted as if he hadn’t heard her. He continued to read Li Chen’s diary. On the last page, there was a line of writing, the writing was scribbled and messy. These should have been his final words before he passed away.

Li Rui, please remember, you must be happier than me!

T/N: Cried countless tears translating this and I was listening to a Chinese song that just sounded sad so combine the two and you have a waterfall :”) To me, this isn’t really a tragedy tragedy, it’s more like a case of unrequited love and life. Life is just like that sometimes… Here’s the song that I was listening to and a rough translation of parts of the lyric:

Every fallen leaf knows your name,

because they have heard me whisper it

countless nights and dawns.

Maybe you have become

a certain eternal twinkling star in the sky

warms my heart in the middle of the night,

telling me to walk forward and not stop.

If the birds in the forest know the rhythm,

please ask them to sing a song for me.

You still live in my memory,

like many years ago.