Cherry Blossoms Upon a Wintry Sword

Chapter 53: Truth No. 3

From the moment he woke up Fu Yu, it was Lin Rufei’s first time seeing such a complicated expression on his face. Fu Yu hugged Mo Mo tightly and the force was so strong it was like he was itching to merge him into his body.

Mo Mo seemed to be in pain from the hug, but he didn’t scream. He just obediently rested his chin on Fu Yu’s shoulder with a small whimper.

“Good boy, no more crying.” Fu Yu raised his hand and wiped away the tears on Mo Mo’s cheeks, “Didn’t I come back?” 

Mo Mo avoided Fu Yu’s hand, his small hand balled into a fist as he smacked Fu Yu on the shoulder. He pouted his mouth: “You’re a bad person! Fu Yu is a bad person! Fu Yu lied to Mo Mo, lied to Mo Mo!” 

Fu Yu also didn’t dodge and let Mo Mo continue to hit. Lin Rufei felt strange looking at this scene since he rarely saw such a capricious look on Mo Mo. From the time he picked up Mo Mo, this child had been showing excessive knowledge and good behavior. Most likely the child understood in his heart that his capriciousness was only shown in front of those who indulge him. 

Although Fu Yu was being hit by Mo Mo, that little fist smashed against his body was more like an itch. However, Mo Mo’s hand turned red from hitting so he began to cry. 

Fu Yu couldn’t help but laugh. He pinched Mo Mo’s small nose: “Alright, don’t make your hand hurt.”

“Why did you come back only now?” Mo Mo sobbed, “I thought I’d never see you again.”

Fu Yu was silent for a moment. He stroked Mo Mo’s head, turned his head to Lin Rufei, and said “thank you.” He asked how Mo Mo came to be here with Lin Rufei.

Lin Rufei then talked about his encounter with Mo Mo in detail to Fu Yu. After Fu Yu listened, his eyes lit up with fire. When he heard that Mo Mo was on the roadside begging for food and even robbed of it, he couldn’t help but grip the sword on his waist. Good thing he was able to suppress the fire in the end and eerily said, “So it was like that.” 

“By the way, Fu Shui said this was your son.” Lin Rufei was now most puzzled by this matter, “But then you say he is not? Then exactly who is Mo Mo ……”

Fu Yu slightly pursed his lips and whispered, “Mo Mo …… is a special existence.”

Lin Rufei was silent for a moment and finally said out his guess, “So Mo Mo, in the end, possesses how many souls and how many spirits of yours?”

Fu Yu froze, seemingly not expecting Lin Rufei to say such a sentence.

“Of course, this is just my guess. If you don’t want to say, you don’t have to force yourself.” Lin Rufei said.

Fu Yu said indifferently, “There’s no harm in talking about it.” Anyway, after leaving here, he won’t come back. He originally wanted to hand Mo Mo to Fu Hua, and then go outside to talk with Lin Rufei, but who knew that Mo Mo refused to get off him. He was like a dogskin plaster that stuck to him like glue. Fu Yu was afraid that if he forcibly pulled Mo Mo off that he would hurt him. In the end, it was Fu Hua who had pulled out a few pieces of malt candy and stuffed it into Mo Mo’s mouth finally coaxing Mo Mo off of Fu Yu’s body. 

Seeing the malt candy, Fu Yu also reached out and took a little. He broke off a piece and put it into his mouth and walked outside with Lin Rufei while chewing.

The Summer night sky was clear and crisp with a full moon hanging over it.

The original lively Fu family mansion was terribly quiet today and only one or two cicadas could be heard coming from a distance. Lin Rufei found a chair and sat down casually. Fu Yu stood opposite him but didn’t have the idea to sit. He casually surveyed the surrounding buildings and said, “It’s changed a lot.”

Lin Rufei said, “Really.”

“Yes.” Fu Yu said, “But to have such a change in the scenery from two or three years ago shows that I have achieved what I wanted to do at the beginning.” 

According to Fu Shui, Fu Yu had set up the formation so that the people of the entire Fu family could have enough to eat. Now it seemed that if someone had not interfered with it, it should have been realized long ago. However, Lin Rufei noticed that when Fu Yu said these words, there was no emotion or nostalgia on his face, but rather a faint indifference—as if when he had left Mo Mo, he had changed back to the Fu Yu who had just woken up from the formation.

“About Mo Mo, it’s a long story.” After talking about the past, Fu Yu cleanly mentioned the truth that Lin Rufei was most curious about, “Back then, I wanted to lay a spirit gathering formation to improve the recent situation of the Fu Family Village, but that spirit gathering formation could not operate on its own. It needed a sword cultivator to be the formation eye, so I wanted to use myself as the formation eye for the formation to work.”

Lin Rufei listened quietly.

“But to leave for so many years was also not plausible. Furthermore, I promised my brother that I would return in the coming Autumn, so I had to simply come up with a method.” Fu Yu said, “To make a physical body and then attach one soul and three spirits to it, as it replaced me.” 

Mo Mo was apparently the replacement made by Fu Yu and he also fulfilled his promise to Fu Shui and returned to the Fu family before the coming Autumn.

“But this replacement was not complete and the method used was a bit rough, so the mind would be very fuzzy.” Fu Yu lightly said the shocking truth, “He thought he was my child. I didn’t explain and let him do as he pleased.” He walked to Lin Rufei and sat down lazily in front of him and was overcome with boredom, “I didn’t expect him to live such a miserable life.”

Lin Rufei felt a bit sad in his heart when he heard him say these things in such a tone. No wonder the soul of Fu Yu refused to return to its place, it turned out the soul was in Mo Mo’s body.

“If the soul is lost, there will be after-effects.” Lin Rufei said, “Do you know that?”

“Yes.” Fu Yu said, “The one who helped, told me all the pros and cons of the matter, but what does it matter?” He raised his hand, very indifferent, “I feel good about myself now, even better than before—”

Lin Rufei was silent.

Fu Yu said, “I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably thinking that I’ve changed a lot and become impersonal, but it can’t be helped, the human touch is all in that little guy.” He smiled abruptly, “And probably only when I am with him, can I taste a little bit of the old feeling. However, that’s actually not a good feeling …… you know, with such family members, it’s really not a pleasant thing.”

The Fu family failed Fu Yu. If the previous Fu Yu came back and saw everything in front of him although he doesn’t know his identity, most likely he would be very sad. Plus the recent situation with Mo Mo, it was probably not a pleasant thing. However, the Fu Yu in front of him lost the main joy and sadness of the three spirits and when he looked at the Fu family, it was as if looking at a group of strangers. How they were had nothing to do with him at all.

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Was this a good thing for Fu Yu? Lin Rufei could not answer.

Fu Yu also didn’t care about Lin Rufei’s reaction and he continued on his own: “Now the Fu family has been wealthy for three years, looking at them it seems they also have quite a lot of money. I think I have repaid the kindness of my parents by doing so, so it’s just right for me to leave.” 

Lin Rufei sighed: “Is Mo Mo still a person?”

“He should be, right?” Fu Yu thought with a hand tapping his chin, “I do not know myself, but that person said Mo Mo was no different from a normal human…… so he should be considered a person.”

Lin Rufei said, “That person?”

“It is the person who set up the formation for me.” Fu Yu said.

Lin Rufei said: “You know him very well?”

Fu Yu said, “Not really, I met him unintentionally, and he was the one who gave me the idea to do a spirit gathering formation.”

Lin Rufei frowned.

Fu Yu said: “I also thought about whether he deliberately approached me or not. However, later when I thought deeply about it, even if he didn’t say, I would have thought of this method sooner or later. It was just the length of time, so it did not bring too much loss.”

Lin Rufei said, “If I hadn’t laid the formation to summon the souls, your three souls and seven spirits would not have been able to return to their places, and you still don’t consider it a loss?”

Fu Yu laughed: “Maybe the Fu Yu, in the beginning, didn’t think that feeding a tiger with his body[1] was a bad thing.” Buddha cut off his flesh to feed the eagle[2], to the onlookers, it seemed foolish. But in the end, it was his own flesh being fed so why should he listen to others’ opinions?

When he said this, he got up and did not intend to continue.

Lin Rufei wanted to ask some more about that person, but when he saw that Fu Yu did not want to talk about it, he had to give up. Looking at his back, he let out a light sigh. He saw him go into the room to carry Mo Mo out as the two decided to leave. Mo Mo obediently stayed in Fu Yu’s arms and when he saw Lin Rufei, he called out to him, “Thank you, brother.”

This was the first time Mo Mo called Lin Rufei brother. It was as if as long as he stayed in Fu Yu’s arms, Mo Mo’s blurred mind would clear up a lot and his eyes would no longer be dull as if it gained a few more spiritual light.

“No need to thank me.” Lin Rufei returned. He told Fu Yu to wait for a moment and called for Fu Hua. He told Fu Hua to wrap all the malt candy she bought as a parting gift for Mo Mo.

These days Fu Hua and Mo Mo got along very well. Hearing that this child had to leave, Fu Hua had red eyes in the room. Now that she heard Lin Rufei’s words, tears have already started to form in her eyes. In the end, she forcibly held back. With her head hung, she wrapped the malt candy for Mo Mo and stuffed it into the child’s arms.

However, Mo Mo grabbed Fu Hua’s finger and softly called out sister.

When she heard this “sister,” she burst into tears. She raised her hand and put Mo Mo into her arms, crying: “Mo Mo, you and your father must live well, if you encounter anything, send a letter to sister.” With tears in her eyes, she put the paper cranes into Mo Mo’s pocket and taught him carefully how to use them. Mo Mo listened obediently.

When Fu Yu saw this scene, he could not help but laugh. Lin Rufei asked him what he was laughing at.

“I did not expect her to be the first to shed tears for me.” Fu Yu said.

Lin Rufei was speechless.

“My brother Fu Shui actually loved to cry when he was young.” Fu Yu said, “I thought that when he saw me, he would cry and mourn first.” But when he saw him, it was like seeing a ghost that wanted to kill, even if he cried, it was probably from fear. So uninteresting.

Lin Rufei also does not know what to say and he could only sigh: “People will change.”

“Yes.” Fu Yu said, “People will change.”

Fu Hua reluctantly said goodbye to Mo Mo. She didn’t know the relationship between Mo Mo and Fu Yu and she only thought they were father and son. So she got up and carefully advised Fu Yu to pay a lot of attention to the things that children needed to pay attention to; such as Mo Mo’s body was weak and could not eat ice otherwise he would get a stomachache. When he slept at night, he liked to be cool so he would always show his stomach and that he must watch out for that.

Lin Rufei was worried that Fu Yu would be impatient but when he listened to the end, he seriously thanked Fu Hua. When Fu Hua finished, she was also embarrassed. She raised a hand and pulled a strand of hair around the ear. She blushed and said: “Fu gongzi don’t blame me for talking too much, it’s my first time taking care of a child, and Mo Mo is so well behaved …… a few days down the line, I’m a bit reluctant to let go.”

Fu Yu took a look at Mo Mo: “Such a skinny little monkey is well behaved?”

When Mo Mo heard this, his black slinky eyes immediately widened: “Mo Mo is not a monkey!” He hatefully rushed onto Fu Yu’s shoulder and bit his arm. But to Fu Yu, this sixth-level cultivator, this bite from Mo Mo’s little white teeth was simply like scratching an itch.

Fu Yu’s expression didn’t change and he continued to thank Fu Hua.

But Fu Hua showed a bit of concern. She seemed to think that this excessively young father was a bit unreliable. Who would say in front of their child that they looked like a monkey? Besides, Mo Mo was just a bit thin, once he becomes chubby he would definitely be an obedient child. Although she thought so, in the end, this was someone else’s child and it wasn’t good for her to continue to speak so she could only wipe the corner of her eyes.

Fu Yu held Mo Mo and said goodbye to Lin Rufei and Lin Rufei asked him where he was going.

He first thought seriously, but then shook his head and said he had no definite place to go. He just didn’t want to stay here anymore and would probably find a place first and recuperate for a while before making plans.

“Then you have to find a good place.” Fu Hua hurriedly said, “The child is too small, travel and hardship can easily make him sick.”

Fu Yu smiled, “How about this miss help me raise Mo Mo for a few days?” 

Fu Hua said angrily: “Fu gongzi don’t joke with me ……” She knew that Fu Yu was teasing her.

Lin Rufei knew the inside story and did not say anything on the side. In his heart, he thought that since Fu Yu dared to say this, wouldn’t he be afraid if Fu Hua decided to say yes? But even if she agreed, it didn’t seemed to matter, after all, she saw how Mo Mo stuck to Fu Yu and certainly, he would not agree to separate with him.

The words that have been said, were all said.  Fu Yu waved his hand and left the courtyard with Mo Mo.

Fu Hua stupidly stared at Mo Mo. She quietly wiped away her tears until a sigh came from Lin Rufei: “It seems that the girl has grown up and can no longer stay.” 

“Young master, what are you talking about?” Fu Hua blushed and shyly said, “I just like Mo Mo.” She didn’t know as much as Lin Rufei. She only knew that Fu Yu and Fu Shui were two people and that Fu Shui took advantage of Fu Yu not being at home to prey on the people. The first time she saw Fu Yu, she had a good impression of this swordsman, but she didn’t think anything else, she just couldn’t let go of Mo Mo.

Lin Rufei laughed: “There is no hurry, Fu Yu has agreed to come to Kunlun to participate in the sword competition. After a while, you can probably see him once more.”

Fu Hua was surprised, “Really?” Then she got depressed again, “But what if he doesn’t bring Mo Mo?”

Lin Rufei said, “Then just ask him to bring him.”

Fu Hua nodded thoughtfully.

With Fu Yu gone, the courtyard was quiet again and it was late at night, so it was time for Lin Rufei to sleep. But at this time he had no intention of sleeping. He sat in the courtyard and looked dazedly at the moon in the sky.

Gu Xuandu accompanied him. The two did not talk to each other and it was a tacit silence.

Until after midnight, the sky suddenly blew a strong wind, drifting dark clouds covered the bright moon. Just a look and he knew heavy rain was about to pour.

“It’s going to rain, go back.” In the wind, Gu Xuandu’s voice was a bit quiet.

Lin Rufei said, “But I can’t sleep and the house is stuffy.”

Gu Xuandu said, “Not happy?”

Lin Rufei pursed his lips.

Gu Xuandu seldom saw this aggrieved look on Lin Rufei’s face, but now when he saw him pursing his lips with the corners of his eyes drooped and not saying a word, he couldn’t help but smile. He tapped his fingertips on his frowning forehead: “Who messed with my Xiao Jiu?” 

Lin Rufei shook his head and did not speak.

“Actually, this is not a bad thing for Fu Yu.” Gu Xuandu said, “The past him probably would not have left the Fu family. And when he encountered such a thing, he would probably be sad for a while. Nowadays it is good, he simply became two people …… ” He split the weak part from his body and turned it into Mo Mo. No more feelings and naturally no more sadness. 

Lin Rufei said: “But if the Fu Yu during that time knew about his current self, wouldn’t he be very sad?” 

Gu Xuandu was dumbfounded.

Lin Rufei said, “He definitely will be, right.”

Raindrops fell and one at a time, the big ones fell onto the dry land. Lin Rufei got up and entered the room, behind him was a curtain of splashing rain. He raised his hand and closed the window, isolating the noisy rain outside.

The room was stiflingly hot and Lin Rufei did not care to sleep. Sitting at the table, he drank cold tea. He looked tired, his black and thick eyelashes half hanging, revealing a sickly sickness.

Gu Xuandu also did not urge him to sleep. Out of nowhere, he bought out a jug of wine and placed it in front of Lin Rufei. He simply poured half a cup and handed it to Lin Rufei.

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Lin Rufei’s body was weak and he rarely touched alcoholic beverages, so when he saw that Gu Xuandu was persuading him to drink, he felt very strange. He took the wine cup and saw the emerald-colored clear liquor inside. He put it near his nose and sniffed, and smelled a mellow wine aroma.

“What a fragrant wine.” Lin Rufei praised, “Where did it come from?”

Gu Xuandu said, “Secretly went out to buy it.”

Lin Rufei raised his hand and took a sip, all of a sudden a sweet red surfaced on his pale cheeks and his eyes were dense with blurred vapor. He opened his lips slightly and his mouth hissed uncontrollably, “So spicy—” Then his expression shook and he looked down at the wine in his own cup. “What a good wine!”

Gu Xuandu sat across from Lin Rufei. He propped up his chin and looked at him. His eyes were full of doting in a way that Lin Rufei hadn’t noticed, “The wine is strong, drink slowly.”

Lin Rufei then drank the remaining half cup in one go. Probably because he drank too quickly, he choked himself. He could not help but shake his shoulders and cough violently: “Cough cough, cough cough—”

Gu Xuandu hurriedly helped him to breathe properly again. 

He choked really hard this time and Lin Rufei coughed out tears. His eyes were red as if he was bullied for a while and had just cried. When Gu Xuandu saw his appearance, he slowed down his hand movements and said in a slow voice: “Why are you so careless?”

Lin Rufei said, “I’m, I’m fine.” He waved his hand, indicating that he was fine, “I just drank a little too quickly.”

After he finished, he raised his cup and looked at Gu Xuandu bashfully, “Can I have another cup?”

Gu Xuandu said, “You’ll get drunk.”

Lin Rufei said indifferently, “If I’m drunk, then I’m drunk. Anyway, there is senior guarding me so I’m not afraid of accidents.” 

Gu Xuandu laughed helplessly. In his heart he thought; You don’t understand, if you’re really drunk then the biggest accident will probably be me. He raised his hand and pressed Lin Rufei’s lips, which were red from the wine, and wiped away the crystal clear water stains with slight effort. He rejected in a deep voice: “No.” 

Lin Rufei didn’t even realize there was anything wrong with Gu Xuandu’s actions. He swung his head to avoid Gu Xuandu’s hand but did not succeed, so he called out “senior,” in an aggrieved manner. This voice was soft and tender, almost like a feather scratching on Gu Xuandu’s heart. Gu Xuandu felt bad so he withdrew his hand and said, “You can’t drink more of this wine.” 

“Just one more cup, just one more cup……” Drunkenness started to surface in Lin Rufei’s eyes but he still did not forget to act spoiled. It was just like how he treated his older brothers and sister when he was younger. He blinked his wet eyes. He knew what kind of look could make people go soft easily so that he didn’t have to drink that bitter Chinese medicine…..

How could Gu Xuandu stand Lin Rufei’s look? He was a little deflated and used his last perseverance to resist: “No.”

“A small cup, just a small cup.” Lin Rufei used his fingers to show a small distance and muttered, “I’ll go to sleep after drinking.”

Gu Xuandu sighed knowing that he was defeated. He took out the wine jug and poured another half cup into Lin Rufei’s cup. Lin Rufei was looking seriously from the side and when he saw that Gu Xuandu was only willing to pour himself half a cup, he didn’t forget to mutter that senior was really stingy.

Gu Xuandu thought to himself: If I am not petty, you will probably regret it. 

This wine tasted mellow and rich. Although it went down extremely spicy, the aftertaste was amazing. The many good wines that Lin Rufei had on Kunlun were not as good as this jug in front of him. He knew that Gu Xuandu would not pour him another cup so Lin Rufei then carefully sipped the remaining half. His slightly drunken eyes gradually surfaced with thick drunkenness and his pale cheeks reddened.

He was drunk and he talked more. Soon he started to complain about messy trivialities to Gu Xuandu saying that the prescription prescribed by Wan Yao was really hard to drink and that it was bitter to the heart. He chanted that Fu Hua and Yu Rui watched him too tightly and didn’t even give him the opportunity to pour out the medicine. The worst was that the two of them believed he had hysteria and finally, he blamed Gu Xuandu, saying that he was too petty and was only willing to pour half a cup of wine. He wanted to find a generous senior, who would pour him a little more ……

Gu Xuandu reached out and grabbed Lin Rufei’s wrist and asked him, “Which senior are you going to find?”

Lin Rufei said, “Find …… find one who will give me wine to drink.”

Gu Xuandu said, “Just because I won’t give you wine to drink?”

Lin Rufei nodded obediently.

Gu Xuandu was exasperated to the point of laughter by him. He grabbed him and pulled him into his arms. Most likely because Lin Rufei’s health was not good since childhood his body size was much slimmer than Gu Xuandu. His bone structure also wasn’t big and it was just enough for Gu Xuandu to completely gather him into his arms. Lin Rufei, who was grabbed by Gu Xuandu, was like a child who did something wrong. He couldn’t help but shrink his neck and whisper: “What do you want? ” He thought Gu Xuandu was going to beat him up.

Gu Xuandu said, “Is Xiao Jiu drunk?”

Lin Rufei looked at Gu Xuandu blankly, he did not understand what he meant by this. But from his eyes, he was already a chaotic, drunken mess. He tilted his head to look at Gu Xuandu and could not stop shaking his head: “I’m not drunk, I’m a good drinker ……”

Gu Xuandu looked at Lin Rufei. His eyes were obscure and unclear. After a long time, he let out a low sigh: “Being drunk is fine.” 

As the words fell, Lin Rufei’s eyes went black and he felt a cold hand over his eyes. He was about to speak but his lips were covered with something warm. Lin Rufei whimpered and tried to struggle out of Gu Xuandu’s arms but the force from the person behind him was so strong that it held him in place.

After the kiss, Lin Rufei fell into Gu Xuandu’s arms weakly. The darkness gave rise to his boundless sleep. He slowly closed his eyes and just fell into a deep sleep like that.

When Gu Xuandu heard Lin Rufei’s steady breathing, he moved his hand, and saw that Lin Rufei had closed his eyes. He had leaned on his shoulder and fell into a deep sleep.

“I am quite petty.” Gu Xuandu looked at his sleeping face and mocked himself in a low voice, “I’ve never been generous regarding you.” Even a single strand of hair, he wanted to grasp it tightly in his hand. 

But he didn’t know if the grip was too tight because all of it flowed through his fingers.

********

The author has something to say:

Gu Xuandu: You should thank me.

Lin Rufei: Why?

Gu Xuandu: I held back! 

Lin Rufei: It’s not you who held back, it’s the Jinjiang censorship that forced you to hold you back. 

Gu Xuandu: ………………….

Who would have thought, because of writing kittens drinking milk[3] in the old articles, it was then picked out by the audit and locked _(：з」∠)_

Author: Alright. Let’s not drink milk anymore. Let’s make do with eating cat food. 

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[1] So I really couldn’t find an English version for these stories so I will just paste them here. I have no idea how accurate they are since I translate them from Chinese to English, so if you guys know a more correct version/or find names wrong please leave a comment  

The Prince of Gandhara Kingdom did not like glory and wealth and fled to live in the mountains and followed his master’s practice in the forest.

There was a deep valley below the mountain forest where the Prince lived. At that time, there was a hungry tiger in the deep valley, which had just given birth to seven tiger cubs, and the winter was so cold and snowy that the mother tiger carried the cubs and stayed under the deep valley for three days.

But the snow still kept falling, the tiger mother and child were starving and trapped in the deep valley, and they were about to die; the mother tiger was forced by hunger and even wanted to eat the tiger cub.

When the immortals saw this scene, they asked, “Who can give up his body to save the tigers below?” The Prince was practicing meditation at that time, and when he heard the question from his meditation, he thought to himself, “Very well! My wish has come true.”

As soon as the prince’s words fell, the mandala flowers rained down and the earth shook. The Prince then took off his deerskin garment, wrapped his head around it, and then jumped off the hanging rock and fell down beside the hungry tiger. After the mother tiger got the flesh and blood of the Bodhisattva, she and her tiger cub were saved.

[2] And the second story: 

Before he became a Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama once went through a period of hard work. Legend has it that one day he was meditating in the forest when an eagle was chasing a pigeon in the sky. The pigeon was desperate and when he saw Siddhartha Gautama, it flew inside his sleeve in an attempt to escape from a disaster.

Naturally, Siddhartha Gautama understood the pigeon’s desire to live, so he said to the eagle: “Please let the pigeon go, the heavens have the virtue of good life.“

But the eagle replied: “If I release this pigeon, then this pigeon is alive, but I will starve to death, where is the virtue of good life?“

Then Siddhartha Gautama said: “I am willing to give the same weight of meat for the life of the pigeon.” So he took a scale, put the pigeon on the other side of the scale, and then he himself began to cut his own flesh with a knife. Strangely enough, the pigeon was not heavy, but Siddhartha Gautama cut a lot of flesh and still did not make the scale balance.

Finally he jumped onto the scale himself and the scale was finally balanced. He closed his eyes and said, “If I don’t go to hell, who will go to hell? You can eat me.“

[3] So uhh, please correct me if I’m wrong on this. So this took me a while to find. Apparently 小奶猫 (kitten) can refer to cute girls, however, in this case I’m assuming it refers to LRF. And then drinking milk, means to drink….semen (the idea is that because they are both white—this took me forever to find) so what is implied here is that because the author wrote some *** stuff, her chapters got locked XD