Even so, we are living in the present

Chapter 18 – The One and Only

“…”

It was shortly after he was taken from the emergency room to the hospital room that Yuu was awakened. A new bandage was wrapped around his left eye, and his vacant, open right eye was reflecting the ceiling with a sense of déjà vu. He had also been brought to the same private room.

“… Are you awake?”

At the doctor’s words, Yuu made no remark, but only slowly shifted his gaze back to the ceiling again.

“Can you speak?”

“…”

He would rather not talk. Upon receiving a silent plea back, with his eyes fixed on the ceiling, the doctor said nothing and simply drove a quill over the medical record.

“I’ll leave the room, then. Is there anyone who might visit you?”

“… Kyosuke.”

The doctor did not fail to hear the only name that was muttered.

“Is he your friend?”

“…”

“I understand. I’ll let the receptionist know.”

Without pressuring him for details, the doctor left the room.

“… Kyosuke…”

On a bed left alone, on a bed left alone, he mumbled his name to himself. His voice faded into a small tone, unheard by anyone.

“… Uug…”

At the thought of the other person who will not appear at his convenience, his breathing became erratic, and the emotions he had been holding back burst out in sobs, which eventually developed into tears. His voice reached even outside the hospital room as a muffled sound.

“…”

Outside the door, Kyosuke leaned against the wall and listened quietly to his voice. He tried to open the door several times, but stopped and drew in one deep breath. Then he knocked softly on the door. Instantly, the crying ceased. However, there was no reply. The nurses told him that he was the only one who could visit him.

“…”

After a short pause, the door slowly opened.

“… Kyo… suke?”

As the tearful voice prompted him to ascertain his identity, Kyosuke hesitantly raised one hand and replied that it was him.

“Yuu, I am sor──”

“… Thanks.”

“Eh?”

When the words of gratitude that interrupted his words to approach and apologize were uttered, he halted in his tracks and a question mark escaped his mouth.

“… I’m here because… you saved me… Kyosuke…”

With tear-stained eyes, Yuu smiled softly. His voice trembled. It was a sign that fear had conquered his heart.

“…”

Kyosuke felt like he was forcing himself to smile again, but he couldn’t manage to smile along with him. A moment ago, he would have been crying aloud.

So you can’t cry in front of me?

And he wondered why was that so. He showed his tears only once after the explosion, and he will never forget it.

“… Am I that unreliable?”

The words he was about to mutter inwardly flooded out in his voice.

“Eh?”

Yuu, who apparently missed the words, asked back.

“I know you were crying earlier.”

Yuu’s shoulders made a small bounce and his wet eyes swayed, barely able to hide his agitation.

“… A-Ah, I see… you’ve been listening…”

His words were mixed with a bitter smile. He didn’t seem to deny it.

“Rather than saying listening, I overheard you.”

“But you’re eavesdropping. Bad taste.”

The tone of his voice, as if he hoped to remain as level-headed as possible, made him look down at him awkwardly, incapable of denying he was mistaken.

“… Kyosuke, come here.”

That was a soothing and kind tone of voice. When Kyosuke approached, he was attempting to raise himself up on his own, supporting himself with his left arm. Hurriedly moving closer to the bed and supporting the other’s back to assist him in getting up, Yuu’s left arm suddenly hugged Kyosuke’s neck.

“! Yuu…?”

Their bodies were pressed against each other. The warm breath of the other person was lingering on his neck. It all seemed to extinguish Kyosuke’s anxiety and indignation. When he embraced the other person with both arms tenderly so as not to burden his slightly trembling body, he smiled softly with a breath of air.

“I believed that… Kyosuke would come, so I did my best…”

The words were assembled in a voice so low that nobody else could hear them, only the two of them.

“If anything, it’s Kyosuke who’s always holding back in front of me.”

Kyosuke made no reply but listened to his opinion as he embraced him.

“It’s always been that way… even when we first met and when you came to my house… you have never even once cried.”

His voice seemed to be on the verge of fading, yet he was striving earnestly to translate it into words.

“… I don’t remember.”

There were many childhood memories that he did not want to recall. As if he didn’t want to be told, Kyosuke feigned to have forgotten them.

“In any case, you’ve been blaming yourself all day, haven’t you? That is your flaw, Kyosuke.”

Kyosuke had nothing to say in response to his spot-on point.

“… But that’s where your kindness comes in. Although you’re clumsy and inept, you think of me more than anyone else.”

“Yuu…”

“I’m clumsy too, so we’re kindred spirits──”

His words trailed off there. As his eyes widened, Yuu’s lips were sealed by soft, yet warm lips.

“… Ngn…”

With a slight tinge in his cheeks, he responded to the kiss in a mature manner and slowly withdrew. Stealthily looking at Kyosuke’s face, he was smiling bashfully. Actions preceded words. This was a rare occurrence for Kyosuke.

“Thanks…”

He thanked him with a shy smile. Kyosuke was very titillated to discover that the other person was regarding him in such a manner.

“So?”

“Eh?”

The question was returned obliquely, leading to a question mark escaping Kyosuke’s mouth as well.

“Don’t you have anything else to say after you stole my first kiss?”

It was a point out of all proportion. After staring at the other man with a dazed look for a while, Kyosuke opened his mouth apologetically.

“… Sorry.”

“…”

Yuu’s eyebrows furrowed as if to say, “That’s not what I meant”.

“I am joking.”

“…”

The silent pressure compelled Kyosuke to formulate his next words.

“I’m not the type of man who would kiss someone I don’t like.”

“Too roundabout.”

Yuu was relentless in his pursuit. He wanted him to express himself explicitly here, a manifestation of his honest feelings.

“…”

The blush on Kyosuke’s cheeks indicated his embarrassment.

“… So… let me have… you.”

Having a hard time coming up with words, Yuu waited in silence. Finally, after a few moments of silence, Kyosuke, who had grown intolerant of being stared at, spoke up.

“… I said I love you.”

It was quite a blunt confession.

“Snapping back? Well, that’s very characteristic of you, Kyosuke.”

Yuu tried to snicker and dismiss his feelings, which he had never revealed before. For Kyosuke, this was unconvincing.

“What about you?”

“Isn’t that a given?” He immediately answered the question that was asked back and let out a beautiful smile with a chuckle. “I love you to the point of defending my chastity even if it might get me killed.”

It was a case of lewd conduct that had just transpired in his home. He quoted the words that might have ripped out the wounds in his heart to convey his true feelings to Kyosuke. For him, it was a sign that he was in love with the other man. When Kyosuke felt his true feelings, he nodded his head and embraced his partner tightly.

“I heard your voice perfectly, Kyosuke. Maybe because I heard it that I was relieved…”

To have remembered that Kyosuke had called his name right before he passed out in the bedroom; to have been able to stay conscious while being drained both physically and mentally was something he was able to do out of fear of what Kyosuke would do once his consciousness was lost in Kyosuke’s absence, and out of a single desire not to hurt Kyosuke. His soft right cheek brushed against Kyosuke’s neck as if seeking to heal him. Yuu’s eyelids fluttered down as he listened to the regular sound of his carotid arteries.

“… Don’t let go of me, okay?”

“Of course.”

Once he gave a clear and undistorted reply in two words, he could see that Yuu nodded his head in a small gesture.

“Your reply is admirable.”

Abruptly, the stinging words stroked his neck with his exhale.

However, it was not unpleasant.

Bitter words in a sweet moment.

He felt reminded once again that this was exactly how characteristically Yuu was.

“You’re a smooth talker, aren’t you?”

After Kyosuke said this back, there were a few seconds of silence, then a small laugh broke out as he burst out in both directions. For them, this apparently thorny exchange was the most comforting way of conveying that they liked each other in a roundabout way as they realized it.

It would be okay to be patient.

Even if you can’t be honest.

The other party understands exactly what you are conveying to them.

Mutual support and looking forward to the future are the key to living in the present.

That alone is worth feeling fortunate enough.

That is the one and only relationship.

Amidst a complex mix of circumstances, Kyosuke and Yuu’s new story has only now unfolded. The deep wounds that Yuu has borne in his heart will be healed gradually over a long period of time.