Even so, we are living in the present

Chapter 58 – A Visit to the Cemetery

Since the event at the dance school, with the acquisition of the stick, Yuu’s feelings regarding dancing had elevated as well. Almost on a daily basis, either in the morning or in the afternoon, he attended dance lessons.

Of course, there was always Kyosuke along for the ride. For him, Yuu was the top priority, notwithstanding his club activities. With each day’s lesson, he has regained the ability to perform without feeling the handicap of losing one of his eyes.

Then a few days later, on August 15.

Up until last year, it had been just another Obon festival for Yuu, but this year things had undergone a change.

On the day before yesterday, the 13th, he returned to his parents’ house to conduct cleaning and offerings at the Buddhist altar where the remains of his grandparents were enshrined, followed by the same ritual at the newly installed Buddhist altar next to it. Since the arrest of his uncle Reito, specialists and contractors were introduced to him through Natsume’s network of information concerning legal matters, acting as agents and assisting him with funeral services. With respect to not limited to funerals but also the 49th-day memorial service, Yuu had to depend on Natsume to call in contractors as he was unable to manage it on his own.

And today, from this morning, Kyosuke was at Yuu’s parents’ house getting preparations done for the visit to the cemetery. The time was 8:30 am. Everything has been thoroughly cleaned and all the essentials for the visit to the cemetery were gathered up. All that awaited now was for Natsume to come and pick them up. In front of the altar, Kyosuke, whose eyelids were down and his hands were held together, slowly lifted his eyelids and turned his head to face his partner, who was leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

“Hey, Yuu.”

“Hmm?”

Reaching into his pocket to grab his smartphone, Yuu raised his face.

“If you pursue modeling… why don’t you be proactive and try for auditions?”

“… Yeah.”

When Kyosuke posed the question while sitting upright in front of the altar, Yuu was reluctant to reply for a while before nodding his head. Perhaps he was not so enthusiastic that Kyosuke threw another question.

“What’s wrong?”

As he cast a stern glance at him, Yuu dropped his gaze and let out a small laugh as if to mock himself.

“I’m not confident to the point where I can recommend myself so…”

Yuu, who was constantly putting on highhanded methods in front of Kyosuke, reacted in an uncharacteristically meek fashion. Kyosuke, for his part, was out of sorts at this, and he brushed back his bangs with a sigh, somehow managing to collect himself.

“About that, not everyone who self-recommends has confidence. If you don’t promote yourself, you’ll miss out on opportunities.”

“That’s true, but…”

Despite his attempts to reason with him, this time Yuu heaved a sigh and finally shut his mouth. Lowering his head, he emitted an aura of not wishing to discuss the matter any further.

“…”

Having looked at his partner for a while, Kyosuke stood up and walked over to him, deciding not to be gloomy in front of the deceased.

“I’m there for you. If there is anything I can do, I will do it. Even your family supports you, right?”

“… That’s…”

As Yuu tried to make another denial, Kyosuke made his move.

“You promised not to say, ‘but’.”

“That’s not fair. I made no such promise.”

Interrupted by the words that followed, a rebuttal naturally burst out of Yuu’s mouth.

“Natsume will be here soon. Let’s head outside and wait for him.”

“Mmh…”

Once having ignored Yuu’s insistence and heading for the front door nonchalantly, he would follow sullenly from behind. While feeling his presence behind his back, Kyosuke smiled faintly lest he be detected by the other party.

You’re a cute one.

After locking the front door, the pair went outside and were met by a pitch-black luxury sedan parked on the road with its hazard lights constantly flickering as it neared the house. At their approach, the driver’s window slowly lowered to reveal Natsume, wearing sunglasses. His chin was drawn back and he was glaring upwards through a gap in his partially lowered sunglasses, which only added to his intimidation.

“… Yo.”

That abbreviated voice was his way of greeting. From behind Kyosuke’s back, Yuu stared over his shoulder at the yakuza-like Natsume. While bitterly smiling at the scene, Kyosuke uttered his partner’s portion of the greeting.

“Good morning, Natsume.”

“Oh, get in the back.”

His distinctive low voice was even raspier this morning.

“I haven’t finished the report I have to submit after the break… and I haven’t been getting enough sleep. You’re visiting a cemetery, right? It doesn’t have to be this early… I’ll be sleeping in the car when we reach the site.”

In the middle of getting into the back seat, he was grumbling about something they didn’t ask, but there was no atmosphere in which he could say, “I didn’t ask you”. Anything they said would likely ignite the fuse of their temper, so they simply nodded in silence.

─​───────

After driving for roughly fifteen minutes, they arrived at the cemetery.

They proceeded slowly around the parking lot and chose one of the available spaces close to the cemetery for parking.

“Here we are. Well, good night. Tomoya is waiting for me at home, so please excuse me.”

“I understand. Thank you very much… Good night.”

After thanking Natsume in a small voice as he slid down the driver’s seat recliner and assumed a sleeping position, he and Yuu left the car.

“Huh…?” Yuu looked around wondering what was going on. “No one’s here…”

Accompanying him, Kyosuke glanced at the surroundings, but found no one other than visitors who had dropped by to pay respects to the deceased. In fact, Natsume had introduced them to someone who was supposed to assist them with their visit to the cemetery, but that person had not arrived yet.

“…”

With a wry, twitching expression, Kyosuke directed his gaze towards the car. Not surprisingly, there was no hint of Natsume getting out of the car.

There’s no helping it.

Although it was extremely awkward, he headed to the car to wake up Natsume, who had just gone to sleep.

“Natsume…”

As he knocked on the window with a reserved voice, he took off his sunglasses and glared at Kyosuke. However, he could not neglect Kyosuke’s apologetic expression, thus he reluctantly lowered the window.

“What is it?”

“Um, I don’t see the person who is there to assist us…”

He explained the situation exceedingly politely. After a moment of unresponsiveness, he thought he saw a streak of blue on Natsume’s temple.

“… That son of a b*tch.”

Clenching his teeth, he released an outraged yell, picked up his smartphone, and began to call someone somewhere.

“…”

”Oi, you ba*tard!! What are you doing, what happened to the promise? Don’t screw with me. I paid you 30,000! If you don’t show up, I’ll get my 50,000 back──”

All of a sudden, the furious voice emanating from Natsume’s mouth ceased. Subsequently, his demon-like demeanor shifted to one of astonishment. His eyes widened and his mouth was half-open. At the change in behavior, Kyosuke peeked into his face and wondered what was wrong. As if to avoid his gaze, he put his sunglasses back on and wore an awkward expression on his face.

“… Ngh, you should have told me earlier… It’s my bad for yelling at you. I will handle it over here, you look after your own father… ah? The money? Just take it as it is… See you later.”

With that, he terminated the call discreetly. The window closed in silence, and the driver’s door opened instead.

“I’ll help you, rest assured.”

As he stepped out of the car, he told Kyosuke casually, and Kyosuke let out a breath of relief and smiled.

“Thank you.”

“…”

As usual, Yuu was clinging closely behind Kyosuke, just staring over his shoulder at Natsume and saying nothing. Natsume reached out to him, who was continuously hiding, as though he was using Kyosuke as a shield, and ruffled his beautiful champagne-colored hair and stroked it wildly.

“I’ve already ascertained that you’re not an honest one.”

After saying that, one corner of his mouth hung up and he laughed. Once Natsume’s hand was out of his hair, Yuu’s lips twitched as he ran his hand through his hair. Feeling that his mind was being read, he seemed uncomfortable with the fact that it was being enlightened.

Natsume opened the backseat door and grabbed the tub and flowers brought for the visit to the cemetery, which he carried all by himself to the gravestone without another word.

The two of them followed behind him. After a five-minute walk, they reached the gravestone in front of which was engraved “Grave of the Sonohara Family” and caught their breath.

A cemetery with many rows of gravestones.

The gravestone they were looking for was at the top of the row.

“You have to do a lot of work like replacing flowers and offerings, lightly washing the headstones… and so on. This time, I’ll do it for you, so if you have something to tell me, you can just sit back and hold your hands together.”

Natsume explained to Yuu in a tone of voice that was very gentle, though his words were blunt. Following his instructions, Yuu obediently crouched down in front of the gravestone, kept his eyelids down, and held his hands together before his face.

“…”

Remaining still and motionless, Yuu confided his feelings to his now-deceased family in his heart.

Mom, Dad, Yuri… I’m… living alive properly. Even though I still don’t want to be in front of others… I made up my mind to become a model… so I will strive hard and live my life facing forward… So from now on, please keep watching over me.

The next thing he knew, his hands, which had been held together, were covering his face.

Under Kyosuke’s gaze from behind, his small shoulders were trembling.

Even without observing his face, he could tell that Yuu was simply shedding silent tears as he stifled his voice. For Kyosuke, he had no idea what to say to him. Having lost his beloved family members, Kyosuke could not find the right words to offer to the person in tears.

Even while being aware of this, Natsume pretended to be oblivious as he cleaned up the gravestone.

“…”

As before, Kyosuke remained motionless, staring at the back of Yuu’s head.

“…!”

Abruptly, an acute gaze was leveled at Kyosuke.

“This is your role.”

Feeling as though that was what he was being told, Kyosuke gulped. Swallowing slowly, he gingerly approached his partner, whose shoulders were quivering. He crouched beside him, embraced his shoulder, and kept silent.

Even though he thought he understood it in his head, it was difficult to truly empathize with the suffering of Yuu. Kyosuke himself recognized this better than anyone else. Therefore, he silently hugged him.

There was no need to struggle to find the appropriate words.

I am right here by your side.

It would be fine to rely on the people around you.

It is okay to pause too.

Even if you look back.

Afterwards, you should look straight ahead.

You can walk slowly and together.

The only time you’re honest is when you’re crying.

After weeping awhile as Kyosuke held him in his arms, Yuu’s breathing settled down in a slow, controlled pace.