Even so, we are living in the present

Chapter 6 – Feelings of Remorse

Upon being informed that Yuu had regained consciousness, the doctors and nurses showed up in the hospital room. They asked and discussed a few questions regarding his physical condition and any discomfort he might be experiencing, and made plans for future surgery and tests.

Since Yuu’s state of mind was calm at this point, Kyosuke headed home and Yuu retired to sleep. The reason for the pain in Yuu’s right arm was due to the fact that he had fractured his fingers and arm during the accident when he was striking the window of the car in a frenzy.

Although this was the first time Yuu had learned this fact, he was not startled and simply listened in silence. He wore an appearance as if all his emotions had disappeared, as though he had become a manufactured doll, and he could not even feel the will to “live”.

If his eyelids had been open, he might have been assured that he was still alive.

As Kyosuke grew increasingly concerned, Yuu’s spirit waned to the extent that he had to repeatedly hold his hand and put his hand over his mouth to confirm his breathing.

────────

It was past 2 a.m.

Although Kyosuke walked back to his apartment, he hardly remembered anything on his way. Despite the cruelty of witnessing his childhood friend in front of him, he was powerless to do anything about it. All he could do was hold his hand and call out to him.

He was so frustrated that it was unbearable. As he passed by the scene of the accident, he noticed that onlookers were still congregating. Casting a glance at their backs, Kyosuke clenched his teeth.

Some were taking pictures out of intrigue, some were taking videos, and some were watching.

Screw you all, he thought.

Who among them would understand Yuu’s suffering?

Probably not even a single person.

Even the person who was closest to Yuu, himself, was not able to grasp his suffering.

The curious crowd of onlookers may not have even considered such a thing.

After all, it’s another person’s problem huh…

If it were the other way around, he wouldn’t even be a bystander and wouldn’t step out of his house. Others can’t possibly understand. Human beings were like that. Even if you are not a stranger, there are certain aspects that you could not fathom. Having reached such a conclusion, he arrived home at midnight in the dark. As he was washing his hands in the bathroom and rinsing his mouth, he suddenly came to a realization.

Speaking of which, I haven’t taken a bath yet…

However, he didn’t have the energy to prepare a bath right now. But the thought of wondering what to do didn’t even cross his mind. Thinking it would be better to simply have a shower, he prepared a bath towel and headed for the bathroom.

​────────

By the time Kyosuke walked out of the bathroom, it was around 2:30. While wiping his hair roughly with a bath towel, he passed through the living room into the bedroom, opened the drawer of the wardrobe, retrieved his underwear and nightwear (sweatshirt, top and bottom), and put them on. All the while, all he could focus on was Yuu.

I wonder if he’s sleeping properly.

Is he having any unpleasant dreams?

If only I could have been there for him more often…

When Kyosuke discovered that Yuu had woken up after the surgery, he tried his best to keep his composure. To be honest, he was on the verge of tears and couldn’t bear it. However, in front of someone who was in excruciating agony that could not be compared to his own, he could not do that. As he called out to him, Yuu’s left hand that was connected to the IV drip was extended to him, and when he caught the hand, he weakly grasped it back. In the darkness of not being able to see, he must have been so apprehensive and overwhelmed.

When he saw the tears welling up in his eye, he frankly felt that he had managed to bring some relief to the other party.

However…

By telling the truth about the reality of the situation, Yuu has lost his will to “live”. The decision to deliver the truth was perhaps the proper one, but now that decision was wavering and tormenting Kyosuke.

Did I cause Yuu to be hurt…?

When he was alone and regained his composure, he reflected on his behavior and the ramifications of his action, which eventually morphed into regret and an inexplicable tingle. The more one perceives it to be significant, the further and deeper the regret will dig into one’s heart.

Yuu, I’m sorry…

With a sigh, Kyosuke settled down on the bed, cradling his head in his hands, apologizing in his heart and reproaching himself over and over again, unable to forgive himself for his unworthiness. Kyosuke’s mind has been drained as well. He was enslaved by his own regrets from the past, and he couldn’t break free.