Even so, we are living in the present

Chapter 9 – True Feelings That Cannot Be Concealed

After Saiki left the hospital room, breakfast was brought in a brief time later. Yuu cast a glance at the tray set on the simple table attached to the bed.

On the menu for this morning was porridge with salmon, boiled spinach, strawberries, and a carton of milk. As for the packaged milk, the nurse inserted a straw and the rest of the food was served with a fork and spoon, enabling the patient to consume the meal with his left hand only.

After confirming that the nurse was leaving the room, Yuu said “Thank you for the meal” inwardly, then picked up the fork and started to eat the side dish of boiled seasoned vegetables little by little. Being in an empty space was both comforting and calming, creating an odd feeling of composure, and causing him to try to wipe out the wounds he had suffered from within his own heart.

I think this might be the first breakfast I’ve ever had alone.

If nothing had happened, the breakfast would have been shared with his family. Although it was unpleasant to be reminded of the tragedy, this was something he didn’t want to admit, something he wished was merely a dream. His expression gradually faded, and he proceeded with his meal in silence from the beginning to the end. From time to time, only the sound of dishes clinking against each other resonated in the room.

“…”

He finished eating the side dish. Even the calyx of the strawberries was beautifully left behind. Also, he drank up all the milk. All that was remained was about half a bowl of rice porridge.

“I don’t want… anymore.”

He muttered to himself in a room in isolation. After putting down the spoon, he leaned back against the bed to relax his body and mind.

“…”

Nothing can be heard. The silence, akin to a subtle electronic buzz, sent a shiver through Yuu’s eardrums.

This sound, I hate it.

He wanted to cover his ears, but his right arm was immobilized. Amidst all of the things that he cannot grasp or understand, a sense of rage surged up in him, even towards his own disabled body.

“Have a safe trip.”

A kind mother who made him a warm lunch each day.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you on stage.”

A father who was supportive even though he was a man of few words.

“Good luck, big brother.”

A younger sister who always adored him with a cheery smile.

“… Mom, Dad, Yuri…”

The faces of the family members who had seen him off yesterday like they always do, resurfaced in his mind.

We won’t meet each other anymore…

His vision was blurred by a mess of tears. How could it not be harrowing? On his right cheek, a warm drop of water trickled down. Just as he was about to relax and think about crying out, a knock was heard on the door.

“…!”

In a panic, he wiped his right eye and cheek with his left hand, where the IV was stuck, before taking a deep breath and directing his gaze to the door, maintaining a calm demeanor for anyone who might come in.

“… Ah.”

Upon recognizing the person who opened the door and appeared, Yuu let out a muffled cry. Kyosuke, who had arrived at the hospital on foot from the dance school, approached the bed with a plastic bag in his hand.

“Good morning. Oh, you can open your eyes now, can’t you? Have you eaten?”

When the other person raised the corners of his mouth in a soothing tone, Yuu fixed his gaze on him before opening his mouth in a low voice.

“… What are you here for?”

Kyosuke gave a bitter smile at the question as if all the words he had spoken had been passed on to him. Metaphorically speaking, it was like they were supposed to be playing a game of catch with words, but instead, he ducked the ball that was thrown and a new ball was flung at him.

“You ignored me so neatly. Well, I’m not here for anything, I just thought you might be having some crazy… thoughts on your own, so I dropped by.”

Placing a plastic bag on the side chest, stuffed with various purchases, he settled down on the edge of the bed. Without saying a word, they remained locked in each other’s gaze for a few seconds.

“…”

“…”

“… W-What?”

It was Yuu who grew intolerant at last.

“… No, it’s nothing.”

“My bad, my bad,” Kyosuke said, breaking eye contact and starting to fish through the plastic bag.

As it turned out, it was true; Kyosuke simply noticed that Yuu’s eyes were wet. Although it was easy to perceive that he was crying, he did not dare to pursue the matter.

“You know…”

“W-What?”

For some reason, he became suspicious of his behavior. The reason for this was his nervousness that the other person may have noticed that he was on the verge of tears.

“Do you want pudding?”

“Ha?”

Upon hearing something completely different from what he expected, Yuu’s voice was again dumbfounded along with the relief that had accompanied it.

“You don’t want it?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Kyosuke’s eyes widened slightly at his response, which was the same attitude he had previously adopted.

“… Strong.”

It was a word that involuntarily slipped out of his mouth. Until now, he still hadn’t been able to forget how the other side seemed to have lost even the will to live with the truth that he had conveyed to him last night. That word of his couldn’t have gone unheard by the other person who was close to him.

“Don’t make fun of me for being strong.”

It was rare for Yuu to say such a thing on his own. By saying so, it meant that he was being strong.

You’re being honest in an unconscious way.

Kyosuke laughed with an exhale.

“I have no reason to make fun of you. You would get mad if I made fun of you.”

“… Boring.”

Hearing the words spit out as if unfaithful, he sat down on the edge of the bed to listen to the other side again and peered into his beautiful face.

“Do you want me to make fun of you?”

When he pursued the issue this time, Yuu’s gaze was averted to the side.

“‘… Because if you don’t make fun of me, I’ll…”

If you don’t make fun of me, I’m going to cry…

“Because what?”

There was no denial. Perhaps he would express his true feelings. Kyosuke’s mind was flooded with such expectations.

“… Forget it, after all. Open the lid of the pudding.”

After a few seconds of silence, Yuu dropped the subject. His gaze was completely drawn to the treat Kyosuke was holding. All he could see now was the pudding.

“Yes, yes.”

However, even without being told, Kyosuke can sense his message. After all, more than anyone else, he had a deep understanding of Yuu’s reluctance to be honest, even when he tried his best to convey his true feelings. He removed the lid of the pudding and presented it to him, which he joyously scooped up with a spoon and proceeded to enjoy.

“Where is this from?”

“New product from the convenience store.”

“Hmm… delicious.”

Although Yuu did not realize it, the bandage covering his left eye was vertically moistened by a streak. Since the lacrimal gland still functioned even after the eyeball was extracted, tears would naturally flow out if he cried. For now, Kyosuke decided to keep quiet about it and pretend to be fooled by the other party.