Forget Vivian

Forget Vivian Chapter 8 : Dreams

The day seemed to stretch out endlessly.

Nothing seemed to have captured his interest and he was growing impatient with how slow the minute hand was moving from the wall clock near the corner of his eye. Even the aimless movements of the clouds in the sky were painfully slow.

The impatience Samuel was feeling was instead channelled to the quick tapping of his fountain pen on top of the wooden table. The sound grew louder as his speed quickened, disturbing the meeting room.

His tapping grew so incessant that his companions could no longer ignore it and they grew silent.

Only Samuel’s loud ministrations remained.

Samuel was so lost in thought that he did not notice that those in the meeting room had stopped talking.

Despite his odd behavior, it hadn’t been an uncommon sight. Over the years, the Emperor had done the same thing countless times when he was bored or “killing the time” that they were hardly surprised anymore. Still, just because they were used to it for seven years, does not make Samuel’s habit less distracting.

Noah sighed inwardly as he compared Samuel’s current state to the man he was seven years ago.

He used to be a passionate and purposeful man who always used his time wisely and efficiently. He never squandered any effort and was always attentive to the affairs of the Kingdom. But ever since Vivian disappeared it was as if he had lost motivation and moved like a broken machine whose gears were rusted…

“His Majesty the Emperor.” 

Noah called out in an attempt to capture Samuel’s elusive attention. But the latter instead muttered out strangely, “… Flowers are blooming outside.”

“Your Majesty?” ‘This is not the time for this!’ Noah thought to himself as he tried to call out to Samuel again, “Your Majesty, Prince Cornelius of the delegation has asked about the amount and price of flour the Empire can export next year.”

Noah spoke like a rapid-fire gun, loud and fast, hoping that their Emperor would recognize the urgency in his voice.

The latter finally turned his gaze away from the flowers in the garden and looked at Noah then smiled ruefully, “You don’t have to be in such a hurry. Don’t we have a lot of time?”

‘Now is the season of spring…The season that Vivian loved.’ Samuel mused.

He fondly recalls that back then, when it was springtime, on days when the flowers bloomed, Vivian would beg him to prolong their walk for half of an hour. He remembers she used to do that, but somehow her pleading stopped and she no longer asked that of him.

‘Was it in our second year or our third year of marriage?’

Samuel laughed self-deprecatingly, “Looks like I’m losing my mind.”

Prince Cornelius frowned at the slow stream of muttered curses that escaped the Emperor’s lips and was about to announce to everyone his dissatisfaction when Noah intercepted; after he screamed inwardly in frustration, “The Emperor seems to be asking how you are enjoying the scenery as the flowers are blooming beautifully outside. How about having lunch in the garden today? It is said that the chef of the court has brought in new lobsters for the Prince, so it would be good to enjoy it with the scenery. Besides, it will be lunchtime soon, so why not take a break?”

Noah ended his speech with a friendly smile.

Cornelius appeared to want to say something, but instead chose to keep his mouth shut.

After all Noah was right, it was time for them to take a break.

Moreover, given Samuel’s condition, today’s meeting seemed likely to go in the direction they wanted.

“Fine.”

“Then, if you go out first, I will follow you with His Majesty the Emperor.”

Noah urged the delegation and the foreign ministers to leave first.

Even then, Samuel kept his gaze firmly at the garden.

“Your majesty? Hey, Your Majesty!”

Samuel slowly turned his head toward Noah and asked, “What?”

“Now is not the time to be doing that! Can’t you hear me now? Why are you standing still when you say you will double the amount of flour this year compared to last year!”

“I enjoyed listening to it. I wondered if he was accepting that because a man named the Minister of Foreign Affairs was paid by a guy named Corneal and he ate it.”

“Then why are you standing still!”

“Because flowers have bloomed.”

Noah let out an exasperated sigh and pressed his face against Samuel’s, smearing sweat against the Emperor’s face.

Samuel frowned and pushed Noah off of him.

“Aren’t you embarrassed?”

“Even if I am disgusting, I think your Majesty will come to your senses if I do that! Do you think Vivian will like this?” Noah gestured at Samuel, or what was left of his former glory.

“… I don’t know.”

Samuel wiped his cheek dry with the back of his hand.

What she liked, the way she laughed, the way she spoke… how her voice sounded and what she used to talk about…

He suddenly felt like he couldn’t remember anything.

He used to be able to think of everything about Vivian even with his eyes closed.

Samuel let out uneven breaths and Noah while watching him, clenched his teeth and shook his head. He has been seeing Samuel’s lost and helpless look for seven years and he doesn’t think he can take anymore of it or he would go crazy!

Noah clenched his teeth and shook his head.

Samuel then laughed bitterly, ‘Seven years is too long to wait, isn’t it?’

People are even saying that Vivian may be dead.

‘You can’t do that, Vivian.’

How could she leave Samuel alone?

How could she?

‘Samuel, I’ll be by your side.’

When they were young, he put a promise on her little finger and they swore…

‘Until death.’ They whispered that to each other.

Samuel closed his eyes tightly and wandered into his memories…

The first time he met Vivian was on a spring day like today.

It was the season when the sun was warm and Vivian was surrounded by her favorite flowers, and she could be found in the garden where she often spent long hours.

‘It was the same day as today…’

Even if all his memories of Vivian fade, Samuel was certain he would never forget the day they first met.

“… Take a break, Your Majesty. I will treat the distinguished guests well. Your Majesty, I will tell him that you have an urgent schedule. I’ll come pick you up after lunch.” Noah told him as he realized that Samuel was a lost cause and the latter merely nodded without answering.

Since Vivian disappeared, Samuel was often lost in memories once or twice in a day, much like  today, so Noah reacted as expectedly. He closed the door and left silently.

Stuck in the same place where he sat, Samuel stared at the flowers for a long time.

That sleep slowly penetrated him…

He couldn’t eat properly and couldn’t sleep soundly, so he fell into an unintentional nap.

Samuel let out a long, slow breath. Eventually, his consciousness began to fade.

He had a dream where he met Vivian for the first time.

***

Vivian poked her head out and exclaimed, “I heard there’s a guest coming.”

Vivian’s dress was full of grass stains. It was clear that she had been wandering through the gardens of the Duke of Endless.

She secretly skipped her lessons to learn to play the piano & ran away. She instead spent the time walking through the flowers in the garden.

Vivian’s body, which is usually smaller than that of an average nine-year old girl, was hidden behind a tree as she tried to peek at the coming visitors.

“Lady Vivian!”

“Lady, where are you?” The maids called out.

Still running away from the crowd looking for her, Vivian pouted her lips and started to move from her hiding spot, “I really hate the piano.”

The problem is that her mother doesn’t listen to her.

Her mother hated when Vivian did not follow her schedule.

Perhaps, after returning today, she will be very upset with her again.

Vivian shrugged her shoulders and jumped like a squirrel.

Even at the risk of being caught, she wanted to see the guests who were coming to the Duke’s house today.

“They said the guest is three years older than me.”

It was the first time Vivian saw a friend who was around her age, so her cheeks rose up in excitement.

With her white hair fluttering and moving against the air, she was able to reach the room where the child who had arrived as their guest was staying.

Vivian sighed as she looked inside the area, “Where is the guest?”

She wasn’t sure where he was, but because she had overheard the maids talking earlier she continued looking for him.

Vivian pressed a hand on top of her pounding heart and turned the doorknob, “Uh, is anyone here?”

Vivian whispered in a low voice.

Her heart was beating as fast as when she sneaked away earlier that day.

Vivian suddenly caught sight of red satin shoes.

“Vivian.”

“Uh, uh… Oh, mother!” Vivian was startled and stepped back.

Why is her mother in the guest room?

The Duchess caught Vivian as she was about to step back in tears.

Vivian closed her eyes tightly.

She was in a catatonic state because she feared the rebuke her mother would pour out onto her.

But her mother didn’t say a word, and so Vivian opened her eyes.

The image of the Duchess standing before her reflected in Vivian’s eyes. The latter bit her bottom lip as if fighting back tears, and holding her breath.

The Duchess took a deep breath and hugged Vivian softly, “… Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was? Did you take any medicine today? You weren’t hurt? What are these clothes? How can I… ”

‘Uh…’  Vivian vaguely wondered at her mother’s odd behavior, only seconds ago she was certain she was going to get mad.

Vivian continued to blink her eyes in disbelief.

Ever since she was young, Vivian never thought she would feel the Duchess’s tears wet her shoulders.

“… I was worried, Vivian.”

Vivian hesitated for a moment before deciding to answer with blushing cheeks, “I’m sorry….”

It was shortly thereafter that Vivian saw, from the corner of her pink eyes, the silhouette of a young boy who merely stood there, staring at them blankly.

He had blue hair and purple orbs.

A boy with an unusual appearance was just standing there.

‘Hi!’ Vivian greeted him without her mother’s permission.

That boy was soon known to her as Samuel.

  ***

While lost in thoughts of Vivian, Samuel realized that the season when they first met was spring.

Just then, while in the midst of a dream, he heard a voice calling out to him, “Your majesty?”

Noah, who was coming back from lunch with their distinguished guests, called Samuel carefully. He did so because the Emperor looked pitiful curled up in a ball while sitting fast asleep. His face looked miserable and tired.

When his gentle tappings did not wake him, Noah woke Samuel up loudly.

Samuel tossed and turned and looked around at the loud sound, “…What?” 

‘Was it a dream?’ He wondered as reality soon dawned on him.

Noah held out a glass of water to Samuel, “Drink some water and relax. You must go now.”

Samuel gulped down the water and then tapped his chest.

In his dream, Samuel had become Vivian.

What she thought, felt, and acted during their first meeting seemed to have seeped into his consciousness.

As if he was really Vivian.

‘How did I feel the day I first met Vivian?’

He remembered noticing her haphazard white hair, and glistening pink eyes. He noticed her pure ivory smile that shone without a trace of reservation.

There was not a single thing about her that did not stand out to him. He recalls hiding his hands behind himself when he first saw her. He did this because he felt self-conscious with how dirty his hands were back then and he did not want her to see.

Vivian was so pure, so dazzling, that he hid his dirty hands from her in embarrassment.

She was as pristine and beautiful as spring.

So to Samuel, Vivian was spring.

Brilliant spring.

As the spring passed, Samuel returned to winter.

Even though his stomach turned at the painful thought, Samuel had to accept the fact that he could not get Vivian back.

‘She’s dead?’

‘Never, never.’

These thoughts kept running in his mind.

“… I’ll look for her again, Your Majesty. How wide must this empire be? I will definitely find Lady Vivian and bring her back.” Noah spoke as if to himself, but those words of comfort could no longer make Samuel smile.