NO! PAPA NO! by Maria Kajiwa

Warning: The main theme of this story is sexual abuse towards minors. There are also descriptions of graphic violence, blood, incest ,animal violence and curse words. I didn’t put any other warning along the story, but do tell me if I should add them. The words that are in italics are originally in English and I just did some minor adjustments to them. That’s all, read at your own risk.

It was 7 pm and the day was getting dark. The living room was dimly lit as the natural light slowly disappeared.

“No! No! No! Papa, No!” A little, around the age of five, was screaming and crying on the bed. Despite her long and painful screaming, nobody seemed to notice nor respond to her.

On top of her, a man with a big build was crushing her without sympathy. With the difference in their size, the man had no problem suppressing the struggling little girl. The door to the room slowly closed as the girl’s pitiful screaming bleed through the door and the scene changed.

Noni blinked. She had been sitting in front of the TV since an hour ago, watching the movie. The movie was about a little girl. In Noni’s eyes, the little girl is very cute, with her curly blonde hair and her clear blue eyes. She didn’t understand why the little girl kept screaming but listening to it broke her heart. Poor girl.

Without Noni’s realization, she was being watched by someone behind her.

“Where’s mama?” Papa stepped into the living room. He looked around, searching for any other presence in the room.

Startled, Noni turned around and with a big smile, she replied, “Mama went to her baking class.”

“Noni didn’t accompany Mama? Where is big sister? Did she go out with mama?” Papa walked around and halted his step right in front of a window.

He slowly peeked behind the curtain and once again, his eyes examined the small living room.

“Sister went out with Mama.”

Noni continued watching the movie. The little girl now had grown up and her long hair was cut short. Her face didn’t look as cute as before. Her eyes only showed painful emotion. Noni started to feel bored. She wanted to see that little girl again but she knew it was just a movie. Disappointed, Noni finally paid attention to her exercise book that was left open in front of her.

The homework from kindergarten was barely touched. Noni was lazy to finish it. What a boring thing to do. All she needed to do was just to write the ABCs, repeatedly. Her fingers hurt.

Suddenly, Noni felt her head being petted. Papa’s hand kept petting her head before resting on her shoulder. Her eyes went to look at Papa who was already sitting beside her. Noni knew that Papa just arrived home from work. He looked tired but also smelly.

“Noni, what are you watching?” Papa’s eyes turned to look at the TV.

Noni just shrugged her shoulder. She didn’t even know what she was watching. She only wanted to see the little cute girl. Sadly the little girl was already gone. But Noni just remained silent.

Papa suddenly took her exercise book. His eyes stared deep into the mostly blank exercise book.

“Why don’t you do the exercises? Your teacher might scold you later.”

Papa kissed her head while his hand continued petting her hair softly. He drew her head close to his warm chest.

Noni felt uncomfortable. She pulled her head and took back her book from Papa’s hand.

Papa’s hand once again went towards the book but ‘accidentally’ caressed her exposed thigh under her skirt.

“Let me teach you how to write the letters properly.” Papa scooted closer to her.

Noni held her breath. The smell of cigarettes made her nauseous. She hated it. Sadly, she can’t move away as Papa’s left hand was placed on her back. His right hand stayed on top of her lap, slowly moving around her thigh. Noni felt sick. She pushed away Papa’s hand.

Papa turned his head towards the front door, making sure it was properly locked. After he was convinced that nobody can enter the house, he looked back at Noni who was doing her homework. Silently, his hand went towards her head again. His fingers played with her brown hair, placing it behind her ear. Showing off her smooth white neck.

“Noni.”

Noni, with hatred in her heart, turned to look at him. She hated his touch. It was so annoying and it also didn’t help that his mouth smelled bad. She was ready to get inside her bedroom before he suddenly grabbed her small hand. Noni felt like her bone was about to break.

“Papa wanted to teach you something new. You will definitely like it,” he said while pulling her down on top of the carpet.

Noni was confused. She tried to stand up when he roughly pushed up her skirt. Noni panicked. She remembered the scene in the movie she just watched.

“No, Papa! No!” Noni screamed out despite knowing that those words are useless when Papa had turned into the man in the movie.

Noni screamed, just like the cute girl did. But as time goes by… her voice started to get smaller before everything turned into silence. She had no more energy left in her small body. Now she knew why that cute girl screamed so loud like that. Her tears fell, for her and for that cute girl.

After half an hour, Noni was sprawling on the carpet. She was hurting all over her body and her mind was hazy. The feeling of disappointment that she felt just made her already hazy mind even more confused. There was no more light in her eyes.

“Don’t tell Mama, okay? If she knows, Papa will send you back to the orphanage. Then you can’t get new clothes or go to school anymore. Even Mama will just leave you there.”

Papa lighted up a cigarette. He inhaled into it deeply before exhaling with satisfaction. Smokes came out of his mouth and nose, stinking up the place. Standing up, he walked into the master bedroom and closed the door. It wasn’t long before the sound of the toilet’s door colliding with the wall was heard. Papa was taking a shower.

Back to the orphanage? Can’t stay with Mama anymore? Or go to kindergarten? Or even meeting her friends? Many things swirled around Noni’s mind. All those thoughts made Noni feel sick. Finally, with what little energy was left in her body, Noni pulled herself up from the carpet. Dragging her body, she forced herself into her bedroom before falling straight onto her bed.

She closed her eyes, trying hard to forget the scene she watched in the movie. Trying to forget everything Papa did to her. She tried to forget everything he did, but never the man himself.

The memory kept playing in her head as if somebody just pushed the replay button and she couldn’t stop it. Noni cried her heart out. For herself and again, for the cute little girl.

7 p.m, in the backyard, behind the kitchen area. The sky was dark like it might rain soon.

“Argghhh!” Big sister screamed while running around, searching for Mama and Papa in the living room.

Hearing the scream, Mama and Papa quickly turned their heads. Their eyes went toward the horrified big sister before following her into the kitchen. When they reached the backyard, Mama gasped, her eyes widened in horror.

“My God! Noni! What are you doing?!” Mama shouted. In a flash, she grabbed the bloody knife in Noni’s hand.

Big sister hid behind Mama while Papa just stayed silent. In the chaotic moment, Noni just lowered her head, looking at the, now, dead male cat.

She just finished cutting and slicing the cat. Doing it slowly as if she was trying to savor the moment. She pulled out its heart and gutted the rest of its organs. It was a bad cat. Bad, papa! Bad! her heart chanted.

Earlier that morning, Noni heard the neighbors talking about the male cat eating its’ own newborn kitten. Noni didn’t like it. Bad! Bad papa cat! So, when she saw the cat walking across the back door, Noni gave it some leftover fish to lure it towards her. While the cat was eating, Noni swiftly stabbed it with the knife. Now, there is no more bad papa cat. Noni was happy.

“Blech!” Mama vomited on the sink, disgusted by the smell of fresh blood flowing in the gutter. Or maybe she was disgusted by the horrifying look of the mangled corpse that barely resembled a cat. Or maybe she was too shocked seeing what Noni had done.

Noni just smiled happily. No more bad papa cat! she thought.

“Enough! Get inside!” Mama scolded. She harshly grabbed Noni’s arm and dragged her straight into the bathroom.

Noni slowly undressed. She watched silently as the cat’s blood washed down from her cloth. No bad papa cat! She was satisfied.

2 months after that bloody ‘accident’. It was 7 pm, the same living room. The weather was nice that evening. The sky was still bright and Noni was sitting in front of the TV.

She was so focused on the movie that her mind was immersed in the story. There was no cute little girl today. There was only a slender, short-haired girl with a pair of dark brown eyes. No more cute little girl. Noni sighed quietly but her eyes stayed on the screen.

“Enough!” A man shout as he wiped the blood trickling from his lips.

“It’ll never be enough,” the girl answered. She was panting and sweating heavily after struggling with the man.

The man looked at her with loath in his eyes. In a second, he closed their distance as he cornered her into the kitchen wall. Smirking, his eyes can already see his victory.

The girl shook her head. Tears flowed down her cheeks.

“Don’t force me to do it,” she cried.

The man ignored her cries as he moved forward. But his steps halted before he managed to reach the girl. Slowly, he looked down, confused as to why it was getting harder for him to breathe. His eyes widened in disbelief, looking at a flip knife that was directly impaled to his heart.

“I said… enough,” the girl muttered while trembling. She pulled out the flip knife mercilessly. Her eyes looked straight at the wound where blood flowed out like a waterfall despite its small size. Unsatisfied, once again she stabbed him in cold blood.

“You…” The man’s word was cut off as blood poured out from his neck. He tried to stop the blood using his hands but to no avail.

The girl just shook her head. Her eyes watched as the blood overflowed from the big gash on the man’s neck. She took a step back as his body slowly fell forward, in the middle of his pool of blood. The scene changed.

Noni watched the scene without any expression. Only her eyes blinked as usual.

“Noni, help Papa with the laundry if it rains, okay?”

Mama’s voice distracted Noni from her movie. Her heart started to pound as she saw Mama and big sister coming out of the room wearing proper clothes.

“Mama, I want to go with you.” Noni stood up and walked towards Mama. Her eyes glimmered with hope.

“Nope. Noni just stays at home. It will be troublesome for me if you follow since I need to buy a lot of groceries.” Mama answered strictly.

“Noni just stays with Papa,” Papa who was sitting on the bench suddenly interrupted. With a soft tone, he said, “Don’t you have a lot of homework? If you don’t finish it, you will be scolded by your teacher.”

Noni swallowed her saliva. Her eyes started to wet with tears. “Please, Mama… can I? I can help you carry the groceries.” she pleaded, her small hands grabbing Mama’s cloth.

Mama inhaled deeply. She pushed Noni’s hands. “Noni, please don’t act like this. You need to stay at home with Papa. Mama just wants to buy groceries. Mama will buy you a doll, okay?”

Noni shook her head aggressively. Tears fell down her cheeks.

“I want to… I want to.” she held on to Mama’s clothes even tighter. If possible, she didn’t even want to release her hands.

Sadly, Mama snatched it from her hold, roughly. Mama’s face started to turn red with anger.

“Why are you so stubborn today? Last night, I already brought you out for dinner. I bought you that storybook you really wanted. Why can’t you listen to me for a second?” Mama’s voice getting louder and louder.

Noni turned silent. She looked at the floor. More and more tears flowed down her cheeks, dropping to the floor.

“Noni…” Papa tried to console her. He looked at Mama with a smile. “It’s fine, Mama. Just go. She’ll cool down soon. Don’t forget to buy us some rojak1.”

Mama smiled wide. Big sister also smiled while wearing her shoes. Meanwhile, Noni stayed sobbing beside the wall, looking at Mama leaving her alone.

“Mama…” Noni called quietly as Mama’s car drove out and Papa started to close the door.

“Noni…” Papa softly called. His right hand held the little girl’s back.

She brushed him off. Noni tried to run but he quickly grabbed her arm. He was hurting her again. Her dried cheeks were once again wet with tears. No, papa! No! Noni shouted in her heart. Her throat was parched.

He didn’t let her go, instead, he increased his strength and pulled her closer.

“No!” she screamed as loudly as she could but Papa just smiled at her.

“But Papa didn’t finish the lesson yet…”

Noni shook her head. Somehow, she managed to release her hand from his grip. She took a couple of steps back. Step by step until she entered the kitchen area.

Papa sighed heavily. “Why did you enter the kitchen? We should go to the bedroom. How about Papa’s bedroom? There’s a nice bed and also pillows. Then, Noni will not get hurt.” Papa extended his hand.

Noni shook her head. She didn’t want it. After a couple of times of getting hurt because of Papa, this time she’s insisted on rejecting his ‘request’. No! Papa, no!

“Noni…” With a soft voice, Papa tried to persuade her, “After this, we will go to the mall, Papa will buy you anything you want.”

Noni kept shaking her head. She didn’t want anything from Papa anymore. She kept retreating step by step until her back touched the sink. She realized she couldn’t move anymore. It’s a dead end.

Papa grunted. “Why are you so stubborn today? Do you want me to send you back to the orphanage? What if I send you to the forest? I’m just going to let you get eaten by the tigers.”

Noni swallowed hard. She felt the space getting smaller. She didn’t want to go back to the orphanage. It was so cramped there, every child need to sleep close to each other just to save space. They even need to divide a whole chicken between 25 children. Noni didn’t want that. But she also hated the forest, or more like afraid of it. The tigers are bigger than her. She saw it once on the TV.

“Come here,” Papa stretched out his hand.

This time, Noni finally stepped forwards, and she placed her left hand on top of his.

Papa smiled.

“E-naf!” Noni said, with her broken English.

She didn’t actually understand what the cute girl said in the movie. Her kindergarten teacher didn’t teach her that word yet. But despite not knowing what it means, she still insisted to say it out loud. Let Papa realize that she was sick of this. E-naf! E-naf! She shouted inside.

“Huh?” Papa lowered his head, closing in to listen to what she was saying. E-naf? Enough? Papa looked at her weirdly.

“E-naf!” Noni said, staring sharply at Papa’s eyes.

With one breath, she lunged forward and stabbed Papa’s chest with a big shiny kitchen knife she managed to snatch from the sink. It didn’t get deep enough into Papa’s chest despite the lack of clothing on him. This time, Noni pushed with both of her hands. But Papa kept trying to fight back, he wanted to pull it out!

But Noni preserved. She pushed and pushed and pushed until she managed to push this big man toward the wall.

Papa fell. Noni quickly sat on top of Papa’s stomach and kept pushing down the knife, ignoring Papa’s hands that were still trying to pull it out. Deeper! Deeper! Sweats rolled down Noni’s face. Her hands shaking.

Bad, papa. Bad! In her head, she can see the image of the dead male cat that she killed. Bad cat! Bad papa! Bad cat! Her mind was in chaos.

“Noni….” Papa tried calling her name. His eyes opened wide. His mouth opened and closed. Looks like it was getting harder for him to breathe. He looked just like a fish out of water.

Noni’s eyes widened.

Slash!

Noni swung the knife she plucked out of Papa’s chest towards his neck. His throat was cut into two. Blood splashing out from the gash, tainted the whole area, especially on Noni. Despite the mess, her eyes kept looking at him without blinking.

Papa slowly lost his strength. His hands finally dropped to the floor. Just like what she saw in the movie, Papa also slept surrounded by his pool of blood. No, papa! No! No! Her heart still shouting non-stop.

Finally, a smile crept up her face. With heavy breathing, she slowly stood up. Despite the pain in her chest, she honestly just felt relieved at the moment. As if all those black clouds in her head finally cleared up. She cautiously stepped towards the kitchen door.

Using a piece of old rags, she opened the door and went straight to the bathroom. She peeled off her clothes that were soaked with Papa’s blood and took a nice shower. When she finished cleaning up, she picked up the tainted clothes along with the knife and put them inside a plastic bag. She swiftly dressed up, preparing to go to a nearby store. Along the way, she quietly threw the plastic bag into a large ditch and watched as the bag slowly sank. She did it just like the people in the movie did.

–

“What do you want to buy, Noni?” Uncle Mat asked.

“Ice cream2, please,” Noni replied as she paid for it.

“Which flavor do you want? Orange? Chocolate? Corn?” Uncle Mat asked with a smile gracing his wrinkled face.

“The red one.”

Uncle Mat took out two of the ice cream, syrup flavored and he handed them to her.

“Why are you alone? Where’s your older sister?”

“She went out with Mama.”

“Papa?”

“Asleep.”

Uncle Mat nodded. He went back to the counter to store the money.

“Uncle,” Noni called “Can I eat this here? I’m afraid it might melt when I reach home.”

“Sure, come sit here.” He patted a plastic chair beside him.

Noni quickly sat down. With a smile, she quickly ate her ice cream. Her eyes went towards the darkening sky. It’s gonna be night soon.

“Uncle Mat, ” she called again, ” can you send me home?” She requested innocently.

Uncle Mat frowned.

“I’m afraid Papa will be mad at me. I went out without telling him before.” She still didn’t wear off the smile on her face.

Uncle Mat inhaled deeply. He rubbed her head softly. She swallowed hard, it was so uncomfortable for her.

“Fine, let me send you back. Next time, never went out without telling your parent first. Especially in the evening. There are a lot of bad guys nowadays. You can get kidnapped, y’know. Aren’t you afraid?”

She shook her head weakly.

Uncle Mat closed his mouth. He held Noni’s hand until they reached her house. Once there, the old man screamed hysterically.

Noni followed along. She cried and screamed. She hug Papa’s dead body until her cloth was soaked with blood. She even ran across the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, and even the living room. She just ran across the whole house, anywhere her feet can touch until the whole house was littered with traces of blood.

20 years later

7:00 pm… at a restaurant. The weather was gloomy. Lightning flashed across the sky.

“You piece of shit. What a troublesome bitch!” A little girl with long hair was slapped heavily.

She fell straight towards a line of chairs beside the tables. Other customers at the stall just watched silently. Nobody had any intention to help her.

In one corner, Noni watched with a poker face, but she can felt her anger boiling inside. Her hands started shaking. Even the cigarette between her fingers almost dropped.

“Just kill yourself!” The man kept cursing the girl. His feet kicked a chair right close to the girl. The chair fell, making a loud noise.

The girl just sobbed while covering both of her ears. Her face was wet with tears.

“Get up!“ Noni shouted. She didn’t even realize that she had already stood up. All she knew was that her hand already grabbed the little girl’s hand.

The little girl was stunted. Her eyes widen.

“Hey, fucker! How dare you touch my child?” The man rushed towards Noni. He tried to release Noni’s hand from his ‘useless’ little kid.

“Is she truly your daughter?” Noni asked with a harsh tone. She pushed the man while quickly hiding the girl behind her.

The man threw her a sharp glare. With a sweaty and red face, he looked just like a wrestler ready to fight in a match. Especially when his opponent was a short-hair girl, who looked just like a guy.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“If she’s truly your daughter, why do you treat her like that? She got feelings too. She also knows what pain is.” Noni replied. She released the little girl’s hand.

“Hey! Who the fuck are you to talk to me like that?” The big guy said before shoving Noni.

Noni was pushed two steps back but she regained her balance and throw him a sharp glare. Among all the customers there, only two of them stood up when they realized a fight was about to occur. The staff stopped doing their work. But not a person dared to stop both of them.

“Don’t touch me!.” Noni said.

The guy gave a sinister smile. His eyes stayed sharp as if a predator stalking his prey. He pushed Noni once again. “What are you gonna do if I touch you?”

“Enough!” said Noni. She brushed off his hand. Her left chest started throbbing but her heart felt worse. Her mind turned into chaos. Bad cat! Bad papa! Bad cat! Bad papa! her mind getting louder.

The man just laughed loudly. He snatched the little girl’s hand and once again slapped her hard in front of Noni.

“I said enough!” Noni screamed.

Without notice, she already dashed toward the guy and swiftly slashed the guy’s neck with a knife. The evil laugh automatically stopped and instead, red thick blood started to pour onto the floor. Some even got sprayed on Noni and the little girl who was too stunned to react.

Noni was shocked for a moment, but when the guy started to step forward, she regained her sense and quickly stabbed the knife into his heart. She stabbed him repeatedly. I said…. no! no! no! Noni screamed in her mind.

She finally snapped out of it when she started to hear screaming around her. But it was too late. The deed was done.

“No, papa! No!” said Noni as the police cuffed her.

In her eyes, the image of Papa, Mama, and big sister kept flashing. Suddenly, she started to laugh hysterically. Papa will not hurt her or her big sister anymore. It was not like she didn’t know what he did to her in the middle of the night. Noni sometimes heard big sister cry during the night but he was finally gone now. He is asleep. Every cruel father was now finally asleep.

She smiled at the little girl whose dad she just killed. The little girl stepped back.

“It’s enough, enough!” Noni shouted again before continue laughing. She was happy. She was finally free.

Finally, everyone will know who killed her Papa. People will also know why she did it and those other Papa… one, two, three, four… so many. Every bad Papa!

“No, Papa. No!” She whispered. In her eyes, she still saw the male cat and Papa’s face. She can see their blood, the knives… and she even saw the cute little girl.

“I said, no….” She whispered. Suddenly tears fell, and she started to sob. Why Papa didn’t listen to her? I said…. no! Papa, no!

T/N:

1. Rojak is a salad composed of a mixture of sliced fruit and vegetables served with a spicy palm sugar dressing. The dish tasted sweet and sour, a perfect snack for those sweet and sour lovers. But since this is Malaysia, it’s probably a savory version one which contains fried dough fritters, tofu, boiled potatoes, prawn fritters, hard boiled eggs, bean sprouts, cuttlefish, and cucumber mixed with a sweet thick, spicy peanut sauce. It tasted sweet with a hint of spiciness (depending on the sauce). If you ever come to Malaysia, Indonesia, or Singapore, you should definitely try some. It’s like a party plate!

I’m getting hungry looking at this 

2. It’s basically a frozen sweet drink filled in a long tube-shaped plastic. Super good and cheap as hell. Since it was so easy to make, everyone know how to make it and even create their special flavors. It looks like this:

This story is fully translated and edited by me. No MTL was used. I want to try translating novels from my native language, just to see how far can I actually do it (this chapter alone took me weeks since I’m so lazy). The first time I read this story, I didn’t feel like it was super heavy but when I actually translated this, I can feel how dark (but kinda repetitive) the story is.

Also, when I searched around novel updates, a lot of Malay novels got low ratings despite the novel not being that bad itself (since I actually already read some of them). So, please read the story first before actually rating them… or just don’t rate them at all. There are a couple more short stories from this novel that I will be translating and most of them got the same gore and dark theme, so looking forward to that (if you like this one). Meanwhile, if you prefer a romantic comedy story with a bit of a dark theme to it, check out my other translation, The Attack of Little Red Riding Hood (warning: suicide). Well then, happy reading!