Hamartia

<Hubris>

-02-

Ha Yeonjae walked over with slow, steady steps. What was he playing at when he should’ve been running over? But Jin Nana waited patiently. There was a considerable distance between them as they ran into each other at the field of all places.

“Hey.”

The two of them always made eye contact but never spoke. That was the unspoken rule. Recently however, that rule had been shattered because of Ha Yeonjae’s friend, Shin Jonghyun. After this, he kept talking to him. This was annoying, but Jin Nana still tried to reciprocate.

So their original relationship, founded on only unspoken communication, evolved to a weekly conversation.

“Fuck off.”

This technically counted as a conversation. Ha Yeonjae grinned slightly.

“Has studying been going well?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You said you’re good at studying now.”

“Better than you.”

“No way.”

Nothing Nana said was sincere. He knew that he’d started caring about his grades too late; he couldn’t beat the guy who ranked number one throughout his school career.

“What’re you doing this weekend?”

“Studying.”

“Wanna study together?”

“Don’t say something stupid.”

Even when Jin Nana cussed at him, Ha Yeonjae just laughed. He was always an easygoing person, but Nana’s mood plummeted as soon as his laughter reached his ears. He would’ve felt better if Yeonjae had cussed at him instead.

It felt like about a minute had passed, so he turned to leave. Ha Yeonjae didn’t bother keeping him there either. It felt both comforting and strange to have Ha Yeonjae let him go like this, without a fight.

That wasn’t it though. Everything about Ha Yeongjae felt foreign.

The day they met again was the same.

—

‘As a student of Central High School, I solemnly take this oath to respect and follow the given rules, and to cultivate my character to be right and proper.’

Ha Yeonjae stood as the freshman representative on the podium. Jin Nana almost bit through his lip as he watched.

If he said he was surprised by Ha Yeonjae attending this school, then that would have been a lie. Ha Yeonjae went to Central All-Boys Middle School, and the school Nana chose had more than half of Central Boys Middle School graduates attending there. But he always assumed that Ha Yeonjae would attend a specialized high school or a private school, or maybe even study abroad. Regardless, Ha Yeonjae wasn’t the type of person to attend a regular high school. Jin Nana still couldn’t seem to get a grip on what kind of person he was.

‘He’s so handsome.’

‘Did you see the car he came to school in?’

‘I heard he got a perfect score in the national mock test.’

‘I heard that he has a good personality too.’

As if it was an unwritten rule of the universe, Ha Yeonjae quickly became a famous figure within the school. He was attractive enough and was also the valedictorian freshman representative.

At the start of the new school year, he could hear people talking about Ha Yeonjae everywhere. Whenever he moved, the people followed. It didn’t matter if they were boys or girls, everyone was interested. Even the teachers showed a preference towards Ha Yeonjae.

For Jin Nana, this was a good thing. He didn’t have to try very hard to avoid him–he just had to listen to the other students’ gossip. It was around this time when he started getting comfortable.

“Hey.”

That stupid greeting. Just like before, I’m still not okay.

The small storage room attached to the school gymnasium was a place that nobody but Jin Nana entered. It was such a small, secluded room that it was barely visible, and because the usual gym equipment was stored in the large storage room, even the gym teacher didn’t come in. But Ha Yeonjae persistently found him every time, as if he knew where he was at all times.

“Have you been well?”

Ha Yeonjae spoke like he was talking to a long time friend. Nana’s stomach turned when he saw that face.

“Why? You want to go hit the shops or something?”

“Do we have to? The cafeteria serves up some good food already.”

“Then what do you want?”

Ha Yeonjae’s eyes crinkled into a smile.

“I don’t want to have a conversation with you, so make it short.”

Nana gave up on standing up on the floor mat and decided to just lay down. It felt meaningless to even get angry. He didn’t want to associate with Ha Yeonjae. Just looking at his face pissed him off.

“It suits you.”

Annoying asshole. You’re saying that I suit gym equipment? Jin Nana frowned.

“Should I say thanks?”

“Don’t, I was just teasing you.”

Ha Yeonjae leaned on the hurdle next to his floor mat. A beam of light from the window hit his face, looking like the world decided to put him under a spotlight.

“I got more handsome, didn’t I?”

Ha Yeonjae smiled down at Jin Nana, as if he could feel him staring. Even in this moment, Yeonjae was assured of his attractiveness.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Your face is annoying and disgusting. Where’s this confidence coming from?”

“I have a ton of confidence. Look at how people call me Emperor.”

I shouldn’t even associate with him. He’s always been like this.

“Just tell me what you want.”

Jin Nana already felt exhausted from all of this.

“Mother and Mr. Jin Minjae are getting remarried.”

Ha Yeonjae threw the wedding invitation at him. Nana stared at the white envelope and bit the inside of his lip. I have to keep it together. Keep it together. There’s no use in getting angry.

“They told me to get you to come.”

There’s no use in getting angry, Jin Nana.

“So our relationship’s back to where it was. To sum it up, we’re our parents’ kids. Brothers?”

Snap-.

He could hear his rationality break into pieces. And at the same time, Ha Yeonjae’s head twisted sideways with a loud ‘smack’. One of the stray tennis balls rolling near Nana’s face had hit Ha Yeonjae’s face.

The sound of the ball bouncing on the floor almost sounded like the starting signal of war.

Unable to resist his anger, he threw everything near his grasp at Ha Yeonjae. If he could hold it, he threw it. The small room sounded of thumps and things breaking.

By the time the dust reached his nose, there was nothing else to throw. When he came to his senses, his entire surroundings were a mess. Ha Yeonjae looked a mess. While Jin Nana caught his breath, Ha Yeonjae slowly stood on his feet. He dusted off his uniform and checked his injuries.

“It’s bleeding.”

The hand he used to rub at his head came off with blood. Whatever it was that hit him, it hit the mark: as soon as Ha Yeonjae realized he was bleeding, red liquid flowed down his face. He wiped off the blood with his uniform sleeve, and started putting everything on the floor, one by one.

If you know you’re hurt, you should leave. What are you doing? Jin Nana’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m not going. Piss off.”

Jin Nana’s voice sounded annoyed. But Ha Yeonjae continued to smile.

“I don’t get what the adults’ circumstances are. I don’t care. They just asked me to pass it on, so that’s what I’m doing.”

The blood was now soaking Ha Yeonjae’s shirt collar. He was probably more injured than he let on–the blood kept flowing. He wiped the blood with his sleeves, then let it be. It looked like he wasn’t carrying around a handkerchief anymore.

“The adults are adults, but I’ve said that we should form our own relationship.”

“So? You want us to be what, friends?”

Ha Yeonjae’s smile grew wider. Almost half of your face is covered in blood, but you can still smile.

“In the end, we weren’t friends, you and I.”

Is this what you of all people should say? You were the one who wanted to be friends. You’ve got to be kidding. “I played my part long enough. You’re the one who quit first. Whatever you think of our new relationship, I don’t want to associate with you anymore.”

“Why?” Ha Yeonjae slowly approached him with slow steps.

Nana just glared.

“You think I’m going to hurt you?”

“What crap are you saying now?”

Another step.

“You think you’re going to get pushed around by me?”

Ha Yeonjae looked down at Jin Nana, so close that he could almost feel his breath. He was already tall in middle school. He was even taller now. That felt incredibly foreign. It wasn’t that long since they last saw each other. Nana couldn’t figure out what Yeonjae was thinking, but those eyes, staring down at him, felt foreign. The fact that he didn’t lower his posture to look at him eye to eye was foreign. That he didn’t carry around a handkerchief felt foreign.

“You think you’ll lose me?”

The third question left Jin Nana visibly annoyed. “Stop spouting bullshit.”

“Then stay by my side some more.” The smell of blood clung to Ha Yeonjae now.

“Let’s form a new relationship.”

But there was still a pleasant scent that came from Ha Yeonjae. Even the stench of blood couldn’t erase it. That familiar scent made Jin Nana even more visibly frustrated.

“You think I’m going to do as you say?”

“Yeah. You’re going to form a relationship with me again.”

“Why? Why do I have to do that?”

“Anything’s better than being brothers.”

Brothers. With him?

“You try saying that again, and the next target isn’t going to be your head but your mouth.”

“Let’s be something else other than friends.”

He didn’t seem to care about Jin Nana’s angry gaze as he continued to speak. Then he picked up one of the balls from the floor.

“This time, I’m not going to drag you around, and I won’t make you eat outside with me.”

“Why? Because the cafeteria food is good enough?”

Ha Yeonjae laughed, uncaring about the sarcastic tone. He turned around and placed the ball in his hand back in the proper box. He was bleeding enough to make Nana worried that he would have to drag a corpse out of the room. But as if he couldn’t feel any pain, Yeonjae just kept talking.

“Let’s just do eye contact instead, every day. Not just passing by, but focusing on the other person for a few minutes. All you have to do is look me in the eye. Once a day. The person who sees the other person first approaches the other.”

“What if we find each other at the same time?”

Jin Nana’s question made a genuine smile bloom on Ha Yeonjae’s lips.

“Let’s go in order. I’ll approach you first.”

“What kind of relationship is it supposed to be then?”

“Who knows. Maybe we’ll figure it out later.”

Ha Yeonjae was right. Anything was better than brothers.

By law, by name, if his dad didn’t adopt Ha Yeonjae, they would never be brothers. And Ha Yeonjae, who grew up as the beloved only son of the family*, would never go under his father’s name. There was no way they would ever be real brothers.

But if they didn’t try to forge another kind of relationship, they felt that they wouldn’t be anything else but siblings. Whatever Ha Yeonjae could think up, it would be better than that.

And Jin Nana wasn’t someone who forgot the hurt he ever received from another person. He still had something he needed to repay.

“Sure. Let’s try again.”

Hearing Jin Nana’s words, Ha Yeonjae smiled brightly. Then he held his head in his hand and swayed for a moment. Ha Yeonjae’s uniform shirt was covered in blood at this point. He really is the precious only child. Ha. This weak bastard, an “Emperor”? He would’ve died from choking on poisoned food, what a weakling.

“I haven’t been hit like this in a while. It feels new.”

“Crazy bastard.”

Jin Nana didn’t care if Ha Yeonjae passed out or not. He left the storage room.

Ha Yeonjae. He put on a happy facade and put other people under his feet with that stupid nickname of his. Other students idolized him but didn’t even know what kind of person he was. But Nana knew.

He knew what kind of family he was from, what kind of person he was. To put it simply, Ha Yeonjae was a son of a bitch who made someone who hated him fall in love with him, then threw him away. And now he wanted to “forge a relationship again”?

There was no hesitation in his steps as Nana walked out of the gymnasium. He never looked back. But unlike his confident footsteps, his fisted hands were pale and shaking.

Fine. Whatever you want, I’m not going to bend to your will. This time, I’m going to be the one cutting ties.

xx