Ch34.1 - A Flavorful Reality Show (Part One)

The banquet was being held on the low grass field just below the castle. Cui QiChao stood there and looked around, seeing a group of serfs rushing as if they were participating in a race. The familiar scene made him miss CU… It was really, really similar to when CU students would rush to the first canteen during mealtimes.

The serfs rushed across the meadows, across the river and the church, and scattered to their own huts.

Then, kids who were starving at home and waiting for dinner heard a frightening sound, much like the shaking earth and mountains. It also sounded like sheep had run amok, accompanied by crazy shouts.

“Quick, quickkkkkk! Take the bowl!” 

“Dana, bowl! No, take the can! Take your brother!”

Some people were even standing from a distance from the village, hands on their waist as they yelled at the children who were at home. The big children took the small children, and the small children held the bowls and came together with the big children. It was a process that saved a lot of time.

The shouts spread through the air one after another, causing the birds on the tree to fly. The Northumberland fief was abuzz today.

The serfs who lived too far away were too pitiful. They weren’t able to catch up with everyone else, so they could only watch as the distance between them widened even as they ran. Their eyes almost turned red from despair and they sped up.

It was probably the fastest they had ever run in their whole lives. They were wheezing and panting, but still full of strength. This caused the steward who was watching them feel even more angry – usually when they had to do more work, even if the steward whipped them, they wouldn’t move. Now, they ran faster than the dogs when they could eat mutton soup.

The serfs rushed back to the grass field with their families. Their children were still at a loss and could not understand their parents’ incoherent cries.

The serfs did not celebrate festivals. Perhaps for the farmers and craftsmen, they would celebrate after a year’s harvest. The serfs did not. Before that, the closest time they had celebrated in a festival may be when winter finally passed and no one in the family died of starvation or cold.

In their memories, from the time they were born to the present, they never celebrated. Their father’s father also did not celebrate. 

From today onwards, the biggest festival the Northumberland’s serfs celebrated was the day of the harvest after the autumn harvest. Even if the dinner provided by the Lord became more and more abundant year after year, in many people’s minds, this was the most unforgettable year.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

Qtfc atf rfgor gertfv ab atf ogbca, atfs rjk atf Obgv’r jaafcvjcar uejgvlcu atf qba klat ralmxr lc atflg tjcvr.

Qtb tjrc’a yffc yfjafc ys atf ralmx? Ktfs vjgf cba gert obgkjgv. Ktf rmfcf kjr cb ibcufg jr delfa jr la kjr. Ktf mtlivgfc jgf jii ygbeuta tfgf. Ktfs rwfiifv atf jgbwj bo ygbat, yea atfs mbeivc’a fja la. Pa kjr cba j regqglrf ktfc rbwf bo atfw mglfv.

Cui QiChao whispered a command, and the steward immediately said, “Everyone, line up in six rows for me.” He rudely pulled three serfs as the leading person of the line, and the other serfs quickly lined up into lines of 12 at the back. There were two bifurcations at the back of each line, each of which insisted that he was at the end of the line. 

The steward kicked a few of them at their feet, forced one of them to be cut off the line, and told them to go to the end of the line.

Rough-handed as it was, it worked so well that the serfs didn’t dare complain a word. The serfs who came later all obediently queued up at the back of the line.

The cooks and maids were holding small pots with handles in their hands. One was ladling soup, while the other scooped a few carrots and meat into it. The serfs came up to them and put out the containers they had brought to fill the soup. Based on the number of people here, everyone could get a bowl.

After all, Cui QiChao had opened a canteen previously, and he knew the weight of a big pot dish. It should be about the same weight. 

Jennie, a five-year-old daughter of a serf, had never eaten meat since she was born. The closest thing to meat she ate was the eggs laid by the hens at home. Anything in the family that has something to do with meat was for the people who laboured. It’s already good enough that she had eaten eggs.

Jennie was very thin and small, but she had a pretty face. Her blue eyes that were illuminated by the sunset reminded the cook of her daughter, and she gave Jennie more leg bones.

The others dare not be angry. They can only envy this family’s beautiful daughter.

Most of the serfs who finished the broth, like Jennie’s family, sat around on the grass field. 

They first drank a mouthful of soup. The weather was so hot, yet the thick broth was filled with blots of oil. It was still piping hot, yet it wouldn’t burn one’s mouth. It’s so delicious that it’s unbelievable to the serfs. It made their shriveled stomach fall into the warm pit of happiness.

There are some pieces of meat floating in this broth, that gave them a notice in advance, informing them of the presence of meat. Next, they impatiently stuffed the meat in their mouths. Most of the meat they received is mutton. But there are also bits of pork, which are stewed soft and mushy, so they would hardly need to chew it.

With the extra leg bone that was given by the cook, Jennie received it with both her hands. She chewed down the meat hanging on her bone that had a little tendon hanging on it. This was the first time she ate meat, and she almost wolfed down the bone as she savoured the aftertaste.

This kind of delicious food was something unimaginable to them in the past. It could not be compared with bean mush and oatmeal mush. She felt that she greatly wanted to eat more of the meat. Under the guidance of her mother, she began to suck at the cracks of the bone. The marrow, which was soaked in soup, had almost become liquid. The taste was different from meat. It’s tender and smooth, and also has a strong flavor. 

Every serf who had gotten the bone did the same thing as she did. They buried their heads and chewed the meat clean. They tore the bone apart and drained the bone marrow. Finally, they licked the meat that was stuck between the crevices of their teeth clean, as they reminisced the taste of it.

After all, no one has ever tasted such delicately cooked mutton soup in the past that even had herbs cooked with it. Isn’t this something that only the nobles could eat?

No one will leave the meat as leftovers. If they had gotten some black bread, maybe they would still be in the mood to hide the bread and eat it separately for the consecutive days, but the taste of the broth is so good that no one can help but eat it immediately. Even if they took the soup back, they feared that they couldn’t sleep well at night with it by their sides. They will also worry that others will rob their soup.

The cook took the maids as they made their rounds, scooping the stewed cabbage from the pot into their bowls. 

It was also at this time that the serfs remembered that there were vegetables in the bowl.

The carrots and kales are vegetables often eaten by serfs. The carrots in this era are purplish red, and they are vegetables that can be eaten raw. After eating all the meat, they put the carrots into their mouths. The taste of the carrots was very different from what they had tasted before. The carrots, which were also stewed to be soft and mushy, had no earthy smell and were not astringent at all. On the contrary, they had a sweet taste when accompanied with the juices of the meat. They could easily taste the juiciness of the carrots too.

Everyone could recognize the carrots by the plumpness of it. It’s definitely from the Lord’s garden. Only the vegetables and fruits that are fertilized by the Lord will grow into big, fresh and juicy fruits and vegetables.

And kales in the stew was not as nasty as when one ate it raw. 

It is generally believed that fruits have the cooling attribute, so they need to be cooked, otherwise they will get sick if eaten raw. On the contrary, vegetables can be eaten directly, and these included carrots to turnips and kales. It seems that there wouldn’t be a nasty taste when cooking vegetables, but they aren’t used to it. The serfs often repeat what their ancestors did when they were living, and no one was so bored that they wanted to waste firewood and cook the food that can be eaten raw.

The taste of cooked vegetables changed a lot. It was also a rare delicacy for the serfs. The vegetables expelled by the sense of loss experienced by the serfs after they swept the meat clean. The food they had eaten previously had filled their stomachs, allowing them spare energy to look around and talk to their relatives and neighbors.

“…This is the most delicious food I’ve ever eaten in my life!”

They did not possess rich vocabulary to describe the taste, so they can only repeat the word delicious. 

“Father, can we stew carrots and kales like this in the future? This way, it wouldn’t be hard to chew on it.”

“Then you have to pick up firewood by yourself… Look at how you look when you’re eating. The leaves are sticking to your face. Pull them down and eat them.”

“I think it’s the crispy fried pork lard that the Lord gave us to eat that was the most delicious. You didn’t taste it. The taste was simply…”

“Lord, Lord, it’s very kind of you to bestow us this.” 

“My father, and my father’s father have never met such a kind Lord!”

If not for the vast majority of serfs who had not left this territory, they would have been able to compare their territory with other territories. Was there a more generous Lord in the whole country, the whole continent?

The blacksmith, who was the most well-travelled freeman, had been to the north, and he was the one with the most say. He assured himself that he had never seen a more kind Lord than the Lord Baron.

The serfs turned to look for the Baron, only to find that no one knew when he had left. 

When the cook heard that everyone was asking where the Lord had gone, she rolled her eyes. “Nonsense, of course, he’s going back to have dinner. You guys have had your fill before the Lord did.”

In the castle, many stewards and knights were waiting for the Lord!

An indescribable feeling blossomed in the serfs’ hearts. By this time, night had gradually fallen. Under the starry sky, the farmers who had enough to eat and drink were still reminiscing the taste of what they had eaten. They leaned together and said that this was the best harvest festival.

It was also this day that made everyone choose to hold every harvest festival banquet in the open-air grass field when conditions permit. 

.

The Lord’s feast had created a buzz, and the farmers talked about it with relish for more than ten days. When they had some free time between busy periods, they wouldn’t talk about their own crops, hoes and young’uns. Now, all everyone talked about was “the meat of that day”.

They used the spare time they had to relive the details of that day sequentially. Every detail has to be elaborated. One said that they ate the bone marrow that day, the other said that they ate a sheep’s hoof, and the cook rewarded them with an extra piece of meat. They talked to each other and compared what they had eaten. It seemed that they could still smell and taste the food they were given that day… No, maybe they can still smell it now. There are still soup stains on their unwashed clothes.

This state of excitement deeply affected everyone during the autumn sowing season. When the Lord’s order to let them pour the remaining excrement into the field had been passed onto them, no one said “He’s crazy”. Of course, it may also be because both the village head and the police personnel are carrying sticks. 

Since the first half of the year, the Lord had asked everyone to collect excrement and exchange it for beans with him, but no one has the brain power to think more about why he did that. It was fine to them as long as they were given the beans. Now when they hear this request, they still don’t quite understand it.

——Since the most incredible thing has happened when the Lord ordered them to eat meat, to them, it was only ‘not quite impossible’ if the situation changed for the better.

Insects and mice are all born out of faeces. What’s the reason that the things retted from faeces and garbage are put into the soil where crops grow? They can’t understand!

Ch34.2 - A Flavorful Reality Show (Part Two)

The Lord did not explain, as was customary, before the effects of putting excrement on the field were evident, but he didn’t need to explain to these people anyhow. He merely responded, “Just water my land.”

Oh, by the way, the Lord even asked them to continue farming in the fallow land where he had just harvested the wheat and oats.

However, because everyone could see that the ground had grown loose and moist, everyone overlooked the fact that they thought they needed to rest the plot of the field. They feared not to spread the seeds carelessly because they lacked adequate seeds, unlike the Lord, who could plant casually and, even if he suffered a loss, it would not be an issue. As a result, all they could do was wait for the results of planting on fallow ground after harvesting Lord’s field.

Well then, let the Lord try burying excrement in the soil first, then wait for the effects to be obvious, right? 

Harboring doubts and slight fear, when the serfs worked on the Lord’s land, they fertilized the farmland as he instructed.

The base manure was also called base fertilizer. There was a saying in China that for the Japonica rice that was sown early to be ripened early, there should be no lack of base fertilizer. The method of spreading fertilizer was to scatter the fertilizer first, and flip it around to the other side of the soil. The amount used was relatively large, but it also had a great benefit to the soil fertility of cultivated land, extremely suitable for Northumberland.

As everyone was scattering fertilizer, everyone started to think about it.

In a word, after they harvested the grains, they would also drive the cattle and sheep to the fields to eat the stubble. The livestock would poop after eating, and the cow dung and sheep dung would fall in the fields. In the past, there was no one to clean it up. Instead, everyone just waited for someone to step on the excrement, mush it into the soil, or wait for it to rain, for the excrement to disperse.

There seemed to be no problem with the grain growing in the fields, right? The farmers searched hard within their memories, and finally came to the conclusion that there was no problem.

Normally, in a few years, they would be able to draw conclusions from a variety of phenomena in order to figure out what had caused a certain thing to happen. Excrement was not only not harmful to crops, but also beneficial. They had also developed a method to ferment urine and use it to wash clothes…

However, during that time, the serfs would not be prioritized in the distribution of dung. They did not even have the right to collect cow dung.

Although the serfs were somewhat aware that dung was a good thing, they were nevertheless hesitant to follow the Lord’s method of employing excrement due to their continuous pondering and dread of the unknown. 

.

After fertilizing and sowing, about seven or eight days later, the first main leaf of a barley plant grew out and the crops entered the period of emergence.

This was much faster as compared to what had happened previously. At the moment, everyone still couldn’t make sense of what the main function of the excrement was.

If Cui QiChao were to take it as an example to convey what had happened to everyone, he would tell everyone that this was because with the water conservancy facilities, there was sufficient irrigation, sufficient oxygen and suitable temperature for the plants to grow. 

It would not be much if a plant quickly sprouts. What made the farmers feel terrible was that next, the barley seedlings in the Lord’s field grew as if someone were poking them up with a stick. The seedlings would grow vigorously and healthily, and slightly taller than other people’s. It was just like the wheat sprouts that would grow so high it would reach the sky, similar to what the priest described when he preached to the people.

There was no need to wait until next year’s harvest, everyone was now convinced that the compost really had the effect of increasing soil fertility.

The serfs even began to argue with each other about who discovered it earlier.

“Once upon a time, ryegrass grew near my house near the cow dung. The grass grew to be particularly lush. That was when I knew the effect of cow dung.” 

“In my share of land, there are places stained with sheep dung, and the wheat also grew higher! That’s when I feel that it’s slightly bizarre!”

The two serfs compared with each other.

At this time, someone said:

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

“Qfii, P tjnf obecv bea obg j ibcu alwf. Ktf Obgv lr gluta.” 

Ktf rmfcf ofii lcab j ibcu rlifcmf, jcv atf rfgor ujnf atf batfg rfgo j mbwqilmjafv ibbx. Pc atf rfgor’ wlcv, atf wjc ktb rjlv atlr kjr abb rwjga…

Zlmtjfi, j ogffwjc ojgwfg lc Rbgatewyfgijcv, tjv j vloofgfca lvfj. Pa kjrc’a atja tf vlvc’a jvwla atf foofmar bo atf ofgalilhfg, yea tf tjv rbwf uglfnjcmfr.

The place where his house was located was not far away from where they were carrying out the composting. Over the past few months, everyone had been envious of Michael, because he could send the excrement directly to the composting place after his animals produced excrement, saving him lots of labor and effort.

Michael acted as though he was frightened of everyone becoming jealous of him, so he didn’t say anything to others. His heart, however, was filled with conceit. Nevertheless, once the compost’s effects were apparent, Michael began to notice that, despite not being close to the location, his home stank every day. 

Once upon a time, livestock pooped in their homes, and the room often smelled, but everyone’s home smelled the same. However, the smell of poop wasn’t comparable to the smell of composting.

He was taken advantage of!

In that case, Michael thought, it’s reasonable for me to put some fertilizer in my field.

Michael tossed and turned for several nights, asking himself all the time, and finally confirmed that, that’s right, he had only gotten a little compensation from contributing excrement. 

So, on a dark and windy day, Michael took his bucket and went out in the dark, using the light from the moonlight as illumination.

No one knew what he was doing. Now that everyone understood the function of the compost, a new occupation was born in Northumberland, known as the dung keeper. The serfs on duty took turns and spent the night in the hut next to the compost.

Michael was very familiar with the land around his home. He could walk clearly with his eyes closed. The dung keeper was dozing in the hut tonight. Michael quietly walked to the edge of the dung pit and procured a bucket of compost. Then, he quietly returned, walking on the same path.

In one night, Michael made two trips between the dung pit and his share of land, burying several rows of soil in his share of land. 

Although working in the dark was very tiring and laborious, Michael was very happy. He almost thought that the wheat in his field had grown faster. He even thought it was because he buried more compost and went to church to pray.

As he was heading back, Michael’s wife woke up. “Why do you stink so badly?”

Michael closed his eyes and said, “I went to take a shit.”

“What kind of shit can stink like this…” His wife said, but she didn’t utter a sound. It suddenly occurred to her that Michael had been complaining about the stink of the dung pile at home these days. She seemed to understand something and didn’t say a word. 

In this way, Michael went to steal fertilizer in the dark for several days, and irrigated half an acre of land. At first, only the eldest son went with him. This led to him experiencing a lack of energy during the day everyday, but Michael thought that he was doing a good job. It would be fine as long as he could bear it for the first couple of days.

But the loss of fertilizer was finally discovered.

The village head pulled the dung keeper up and gave him a violent thrashing, “Quickly speak, why is there less manure? Did you steal it?”

The dung keeper lay on the ground crying, “I really didn’t, I swear! You can flip through the soil in my share of land and have a look!” 

Of course, the village head would do this. He dug up the dung keeper’s share of the land. There was no trace of dung. If not him, who was it?

The dung keeper was afraid to bear the loss and tried to recall, “I seem to have heard the shrubs swaying. At first, I thought it was the wind. Do you think it might be the rats who stole the dung?”

The village head whipped the stick at him again and said, “It seems that you are sleeping secretly! Why would rats steal excrement? Do they have a share of the land to cultivate?”

The village head observed the farmers who were bustling for about a week. He always felt that everyone looked like the dung thief. He was angry and didn’t know how to find the thief. 

This incident caused an uproar among the farmers. Everyone guessed who the bold man was and thought that they were sorry for the kind Lord.

They had to admit that, in addition to their hatred, they were a bit envious. At the very least, the man had managed to dump fertilizer on his field—so they had to track him down and beat him!

The news of the manure being stolen reached the ears of the agricultural official, the steward, and the Lord.

“Well?” Cui QiChao raised his gaze and said, “Someone is stealing manure?” 

It was too bad that Cui QiChao had planned to distribute the manure for everyone to pour it in their fields after everyone’s appetite was whet. Alas, someone was too impatient.

The steward said in a loud voice: “Lord, this is a bad egg, and he wouldn’t be able to turn into a good egg. You see, you invited them to eat meat, but someone stole your manure! Those manure are what you bought with beans!”

The stewards thought, “Yes, those damn animals, it’s better to feed the dogs the meat broth than feed them.”

“Your esteemed one’s kindness has been trampled on. It’s not long since you bestowed them a good meal!” 

“Don’t say that.” Cui QiChao said calmly, “Didn’t you see that there are thousands of people who haven’t come to steal?”

Steward: “……”

The steward choked and said, “Lord, if you indulge them, sooner or later more people will take advantage of you.”

Cui QiChao knew that the etiquette among the general public was not good now, but nothing was perfect. He had been psychologically prepared. If he hadn’t been psychologically prepared, he would not agree to set up a dung keeper. It was unlikely that there would be a situation where people would not be able to be robbed by someone, or even not close their doors at night. 

However, he would not be disappointed with everyone because of this. This could only prove that they still had a lot to learn, and it was not solely in farming.

Seeing that Cui QiChao was indifferent, the steward said, “Lord, are we really going to put down this matter, just in this way?”

“I didn’t say that.” Cui QiChao shook the cat rope in his hand. “Those who steal precious manure must be punished.”

. 

In reality, LJJ livestream platform.

With Cui QiChao’s medieval show on air, it didn’t take a few episodes for the audience of the men’s genre to understand they had been lied to.

He did not study the world’s great matters, was not busy with training knights, but studied farming tools, animal husbandry and what to eat everyday. Additionally, in the commentary barrage, there were inexplicable people shouting out, supporting him, and using a strange way of speaking to boast about Cui QiChao.

Just look it up a little and you’ll know the truth. 

The men were all howling:

“You’re not human!”

“I am vomiting blood. I see now that it’s this type of emperor’s bloodline—–!”

“I’ve been deceived. I thought he was a monarch. It turned out he was a demon that crazily farms. Are the Chinese poisonous?” 

“LJJ company is not human! The title is a lie!”

“The female audience is terrifying…”

They had, however, already entered the thief’s den. What should they do now if they were truly interested in what would happen to next year’s harvest?

And, like the original female audience, they carried a spirit of not surrendering to Cui QiChao’s assault. 

They didn’t believe that for however long he livestreams, he wouldn’t do anything else except farming.

——The female audience of the last virtual plane also thought so naively.

And when the latest episode was broadcasted, the real-time commentary barrage exploded.

[I’ll scold and abuse the older audiences of Cui QiChao daily, who deceived me into the pit.] 

[Let’s abuse them together. After watching every episode, I got fatter by one jin. My wife is disgusted with me.]

[Cui QiChao, could you work harder?? I still don’t know the situation of the surrounding territory and the situation of the whole mainland. I’m so anxious. When would you open up the map more?]

[It’s reasonable to say that other places should be in the midst of a fiery war… This is the middle-ages after all.]

[I think I’m drunk, why am I craving so much for the meat bones that have no salt added that the serfs are eating?] 

[Me, too… I opened a bag of chips]

[Eh, the scene is so familiar. Is this the first canteen of the middle-ages?]

[Blargh! My chips! Why is there no warning for so much excrement!]

[Ah, ah, ah, ah, this person is too much. Who was it! Who stole our Cui Cui’s fertilizer! That person is not human!] 

[Sob, sob, sob, sob, that person is too disobedient. Boss Cui finally managed to save up some fertilizer. Boss Cui also invited you to eat. Why didn’t the LJJ company edit it in to tell us who did it? Who stole it? I want to curse]

[I love Cui QiChao. Rather than stealing Cui QiChao’s money, it would be more horrible of the person to steal his fertilizer]

[Mommy, why did you give a section of the episode to the compost? I think I can smell it across the screen.]

[It’s a reality show with flavors, I mean, all kinds of flavors…] 

[Fuck, who the hell stole it?!]

[It must be the dung keeper. I’ve long been able to tell with his dirty and malicious face!]

[Hehe, I think it’s the village head who was even out here to catch the thief. Who can tell that there is less manure? Wouldn’t it be because this dude is the culprit?]

[Cui QiChao, catch these people and give them a beating. No, drag out the torturing devices! Who dares to steal dung!] 

[How would he be able to bear someone stealing his dung? If it’s a man, catch the thief and blow up his dog head]

[Just when a fan like me clicked on this show, I slapped my own face. I was busily commenting ‘how delicious’, but now………]

[Garbage LJJ, I’m going to send you a big pile of stool. Please delete the word ‘delicious food’ in your subtitle! Delete! It!]