I Want to Smile Beside you in the Spring That I Haven’t Seen Yet

3. Secret time with you

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Since I started meeting and talking with Amane, I felt like my view of the world had somehow changed.

With him, I didn't talk about what happened at home or school; I just talked about what I saw and felt that day. So I started to pay attention to my surroundings, keeping my antenna up at all times to see if there was anything unusual or interesting that I could talk to him about.

When I viewed the world this way, things that I used to think were just ordinary scenery start to look terribly special. Flowers blooming along the roadside on the way to school, the color of the sky and the shape of the clouds changing every day, the meows of the stray cats that lived in the school, the trees in the courtyard seen from the school building, the smell of dinner and bath wafting from the houses on the way home. Things that I used to pass by in a blur and miss, I couldn't help but notice them now.

Today, I would talk to Amane about this, and I would tell him about that. My day flew by as I thought about these things. Even though I was in an uncomfortable classroom, I felt less suffocated than before.

After school, I would go straight to "Cafe Akari" I assured myself, suppressing my eagerness.

Even if my mother would complain to me, even if I saw Tohko and Higata-kun together, even if I felt suffocated by my relationship with Kana and the others, just the thought of seeing Amane after school made it bearable, strangely enough. As long as I was seeing Amane, I could forget all about the things I didn't like.

Amane always smiled softly and kindly, nodding quietly as he listened to me. He also showed me his notebook full of notes about what he found and felt that day.

Then we shared our thoughts about each other's stories, or just stare blankly out the window.

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For drinks, sweet hot café au lait had become a staple. I walked in from the cold wind and sat down facing Amane, and as I clenched my hands around the cup of café au lait that Akari had brewed for me, I felt as if my body was melting and melting from the inside out.

After a short time which felt very long to me seemed to pass, all the hard things that happened to me that day were completely out of my mind, and I felt lighthearted.

For me, who could never calm down and breathe at home or at school, the peaceful time I spent with Amane became an indispensable and very important part of my life.

"Haruka-chan, would you carry this for me, if you don't mind?"

I, who had been waiting for Amane's arrival while looking out the window, hurriedly stood up and answered, "Yes."

As I walked to the counter, I looked around the restaurant and saw that there were more customers than before. There seemed to be several groups of people waiting for their orders.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize..."

I accept the tray of hot coffee with a bow.

"No problem, it's okay since it's not too crowded yet. But I'm putting some milk on the fire right now, so I can't take my hands off it. Sorry."

"No problem. I mean, you are letting me drink for free every day, so please use me as much as you want."

Akari-san laughed out loud in a funny way and put another cup of coffee on the counter. 

"Well, I'll take your word for it." 

I nodded, put the cup and saucer on the tray, and carried them to the table, looking at the seat number on the slip.

After delivering the two coffees to the customer, I was about to return to the counter with the empty tray when I heard a clanking sound coming from the entrance. When I turned around, I saw the doorbell swinging, and Amane was about to enter through the door.

"Hello," I called out to him.

I called out to him, and he looked at me and smiled.

"Welcome, Amane-kun," Akari called from behind the counter.

He bowed to Akari-san, who called out to him from behind the counter and to some of the regulars, who bowed to him ritually each time.

Since we spent two to three hours in the restaurant every day, we were always greeted with smiles.

Amane put his luggage down on his usual seat, and when he saw that I was holding a tray, he immediately came toward me. I knew he was trying to help me, so I waved my hand and said, "No problem."

At that moment, the doorbell jingled again. A group of three female customers came in, giggling happily. They were students from a nearby ikebana class and regulars who often stopped by the store on their way home.

They always ordered coffee and a light meal, so Akari was busy cooking. Amane, knowing this, came my way.

After that, several more customers came in and placed their orders, so I helped Akari with them. I took the orders, Akari made the drinks and food, and Amane brought them to the table.

I knew that if we were dealing with regular customers who knew that Amane did not talk, they would not look at him suspiciously even though he was serving them silently with only a smile on his face, so he could help.

When the customers had settled down, Akari beckoned us over.

"Thank you very much for your help. Please take a seat and I'll fix you something to drink."

Amane and I bowed to her and sat down at our usual table.

"It was cold today, but the sky was clear and beautiful, wasn't it?

"The air is so clear that the blue of the sky looks beautiful.

"Also, when I was looking at the sky during recess, I saw a cloud that looked like soft-serve ice cream, so I took a picture of it."

When I showed him the screen of my phone, Amane rolled his eyes and then giggled.

[I also found a cloud shaped like an elephant the other day. I should have taken a picture of it. I wish I could have shown it to Haruka. Oh, by the way, the tortoiseshell cat I saw the other day was there again today. He still has the same bad eyesight.]

Amane giggled funnily. I was so happy to see that look on her face that I got into the habit of looking for interesting topics to talk about.

Before I started spending after-school hours with him, I never used to look at the sky properly, pay attention to the shape of clouds, or pay attention to flowers or stray cats on the way home.

I was surprised at the discoveries I made every day, wondering what my eyes were looking at before, even though I was still leading the same life as before. I was amazed at how different the world looked just by having someone to talk to about casual things, or someone I wanted to talk to.

Since I started seeing Amane, my body, which went to school every day to take classes, and my mind, which looked at the sky and felt the wind, seem to be completely different things. It was as if I forgot about school, home, and friends, and just floated around with just my mind.

After discussing the day's discoveries for a while, our conversation suddenly stopped, and I mentioned a topic that had just occurred to me and I blurted it out, "I guess finals are coming up soon."

After I said this, I remembered that I had determined not to talk about school and I immediately regretted it, but Amane nodded his head, seemingly unconcerned.

[I should start studying for the exams soon.]

Amane's expression, as he wrote this, did not indicate that he disliked the test very much. As I was not good at studying, the beginning of a test was just depressing to me, but he didn't seem to mind.

Come to think of it, the uniform Amane was wearing was that of the best school around here. As I recalled, it had one of the three highest deviation scores in the prefecture, and many of its students were accepted into prestigious national universities every year.

For someone who went to such a high school, the final exam was probably nothing to him.