Chapter 3
I Messed Up During My Absolute Fave’s Big Day

Since that seizure during our first face-to-face meeting, I had no other major seizures and I safely reached age five. A month after that, my absolute fave turned nine years old.

Nine years old. Still in the single digits. As always, he was a pretty shota, who kept stimulating my newly-acquired fetish—a pretty-shota-moe1 fetish.

Since that meeting, the relationship between Father2 and Brother had improved little by little.

This created a cycle where first, I would praise Brother. Then I would stare at Father. Afterwards, Father would also awkwardly praise Brother. Following that, Brother would awkwardly thank Father. Both of them would have similar faces, and even the same amount of awkwardness; the levels of moe would simply shoot through the roof. Each time, the little me wouldn’t be able to help blurting out in happiness, “Good for you, Father, for praising him so well! And it’s great that Brother can say thank you!” and finally both of them would break into smiles. 

As time passed, they became less awkward and more natural with each other. The moment when my pretty-shota-absolute-fave broke into a joyous smile was utterly priceless. Every single one of them was a treasure that I burned into my memory through my mental album.

Mother was now lovey-dovey with Father after having been swept off her feet as a result of numerous coaxes and cajolings. Well, that was not surprising. When she gave birth to me, she was only seventeen years old. Now, she was still at the ripe age of twenty-two. Surely she would fall in love when subjected to endless courtship by a stunning youth like Father, who smiled at her in raptures every day. Compared to her ex-husband, he had even better facial features, and his personality was not bad either. 

Father was only twenty-eight. Still so young. Despite this having been a remarriage for both sides, both of them were young and they got along well with each other; I bet my step-grandparents were also welcoming of my mother.

In front of me and Brother, they had even suggested for them to have another child. They seemed to be happy that Father, who originally was not keen to remarry, had finally done so. I had no idea why they wanted him to remarry, by the way.

Alas, my step-grandparents apparently didn’t like me that much. I could tell from the vibe they gave me that they thought I was a burden that would cost a lot of money due to my medication. It didn’t bother me because I didn’t live with them and I only saw them once a month or so. 

As long as I had my absolute fave’s smiles beside me, nothing else mattered.

That was how I was; and that I had messed up during Brother’s 9th birthday party.

In this country, at the ages of three and nine, people from other families would be invited to a grand celebration. Firstly to celebrate surviving to the age of three, and secondly to celebrate surviving past the single-digit age range, which was a vulnerable period for children to be taken away by the everlasting darkness3. I assumed it to be a celebration like ‘Shichigosan’ in Japan. Anyway, when I was three, it was right after my own father died, so we had only celebrated within our family. 

In short, it was that kind of important celebration.

Father and Mother bid their greetings to guests as they nicely stood side by side, while I only smilingly stood next to Brother, entranced in listening to him giving out his crispest greetings. As I was still small and the star of the day was Brother, I was told that I didn’t need to do the greetings; that made me—a lower citizen at heart—feel very relieved, and I ended up savouring the scene of Brother on his glorious day.

Then came my step-grandparents.

Firstly, they congratulated Brother, said a few words to Father and Mother, then took one look at me before sniggering a little and walking off. Following social conventions, they should’ve also said a few words to me before they went. Father and Brother were furious when they saw what they did. Brother was mad since he already gladly accepted me after I had praised him so much everyday.

As soon as both of their faces changed at the same time, the temperature of the air around them cooled down—physically. Not to mention, I was the one who was the most panicked here. This was Brother’s big day. I couldn’t possibly ruin it just for something like this.

I took my brother’s hand and pulled it a little two or three times, “Brother, I don’t mind it at all, please smile as usual.”

“Alba… but I can’t forgive the behaviour of that grandfather and grandmother. I’m sure Father feels the same way.”

“I want Father and Brother to smile.”

“Alba…”

Our conversation was overheard by Father, who was standing right next to me, and he smoothly continued to greet the guests while blue veins popped out his forehead.

I could see that Brother was still a bit angry, but it was normal for my step-grandparents to have this attitude. It was better not to worry about it. The fact that they had welcomed my mother with open arms was already great, so I couldn’t ask for anything more. It was true that I was a burden after all.

After greeting some more of the guests, my brother took me by the hand and brought me to a table with sweets and fruits, in order to avoid the rush of people who wanted to talk to him personally.

“Are you tired, Alba? Let’s sit on a chair and rest for a while. Do you want something to eat?”

The taste of the sweets that my absolute fave shared with me were out of this world, and I couldn’t help but smile and gobble up the cream-filled treats.

“Brother, all the sweets you gave me are delicious. Won’t you eat them?”

“It’s okay.”

Brother, who refused my offer, somehow was aware of the fact he was the host and was in the position to entertain everyone. He was still nine-years-old, yet he was already aware of this; I respected him so much.

Brother gently smiled as he told me to slowly eat and take a rest here, then he went back to Father’s side to resume the greetings. As I sat in my chair watching him, I was so fascinated by the clear-cut face of my brother that I did not notice my step-grandparents approaching.

“Geez~”

As I heard that sigh-filled voice from beside me, I looked up to find my step-grandmother hiding her expression of disgust with a fan. Next to her was my step-grandfather, who was coldly looking down at me. His well-structured face resembled Father, so I could imagine what Brother would look like when he grew up and became a dandy old man.

“You don’t have a drop of our blood in you, so you don’t deserve to be standing there… so audacious.”

“He’s too young to know what a disgrace he is.”

I was right next to them, so I heard everything they said. Or rather, they intentionally said it in a way that I could hear it. And I properly understood that sarcasm was sarcasm. What bad personalities these people had.

It was Father who agreed to take me—a child Mother had from her previous marriage—in, so there was nothing I could do about it. Even if I had been left at the Baron’s, it would have been silly to do so, since my mother’s remarriage was to pay for my medications, so leaving me behind would defeat the purpose.

I wondered if Father didn’t properly explain it to them. But if he did, Mother probably would be chased away, so it might be better that he didn’t. But, if they still took this attitude, even after receiving a proper explanation, that only meant that they were my archenemies.

I was exasperated, yet I could not carelessly talk back; so I pretended that I didn’t understand a thing they said and reached out for the snacks in front of me.

“Don’t you dare to act crude like that on this occasion!”

The fan snapped down onto my hand. The sound was light, but it was painful to be hit by my step-grandmother’s fan. A red line appeared on the back of my hand.

“Be aware that you are an outsider in this family. And you must not interfere with Orsis’s education. He is the heir to the dukedom, he has no time to play around.”

I looked at them in disgust, wondering whether it was alright for them to say something like that in a place full of guests; my step-grandparents squinted their eyes in return.

My hand hurt, and I covertly took a deep breath to disguise my annoyance.

And— 

Oh no! I held my chest.

*hic* A gasp escaped my throat. The pre-seizure pounding in my chest began, and I couldn’t catch my breath.

This is Brother’s big day. I mustn’t ruin it by having a seizure here.

I hurriedly got out of my chair and let out a dry, gurgling cough.

At least let it happen after I get out of this venue… I wished as I struggled to move my legs, but it was of no use. I slipped out of my chair and crouched down on the floor.

I had wanted to be out of this venue at least. But then, I was too weak to even move a muscle. My heavy coughing was a cacophony in the fancy venue with music from the orchestra they had brought in for the day.

“Alba!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Father, Mother and Brother rushing towards me. But my eyes were spinning and I couldn’t get a good look at them. I was losing strength faster than usual, and my head ached as if it was being constricted. Brother reached out and squeezed my hand.

I was not sure if it was just my imagination, but breathing seemed to become a little easier when he did that. Brother’s hand felt very comfortable for some reason. I did not want to let go, so I grabbed it back with all the strength I could muster, and my brother looked like he was about to cry.

Oooo, that face, so cuteeee!!

If I wasn’t in such a state, I would look at it more closely and burn it in my mental album.

“B-bro-brother… sorry… th-this is happening on your, big, day…”

As I was desperately apologising, my body was picked up. A gentle face that was similar to Brother’s was looking down at me. I was relieved to see that these strong arms belonged to Father.

“Let’s go back to your room, Alba. You’ll feel better soon.”

I nodded at Father’s voice, but I couldn’t let go of Brother’s hand. I was afraid that if I let go, the countdown to my death would begin.

The medication was being administered into my body through my arm in the form of an intravenous drip. This type of infusion was much more expensive than the one I had been taking at the Baron’s. Since the massive seizure I had on my first day here, Father had prepared it so that I could be immediately saved at any time.

As the medicine seeped into my body, I felt that my physical sluggishness was alleviated just a little. But the same kind of sensation could also be felt from Brother’s hand, which was still connected to mine. Yes, when I was brought in, I didn’t let go of his hand, so he had to leave the venue.

I’ve totally messed up. I thought to myself.

I tried to tell him that I would be fine if I just stayed here and lay down, but I felt as if my brother’s hand was my lifeline, and I couldn’t let it go. I was coughing so badly that my face was covered in tears and snot, but my brother kept a worried look on his face and continued to hold my hand.

But it wasn’t just the coughing that brought on my tears. I was crying because I had ruined my brother’s big day and I felt sorry for myself.

I should have been able to see my brother standing at the top of that most beautiful stage, more beautiful and brilliant than anyone else, with a smile on his face! Stupid me!