It Seems There is Light

Depression

T/N: this is double update. if you haven’t read chapter 32, please read the previous chapter first

The corridor of the hospital late at night was as quiet as taking medicine. Shi An’s footstep didn’t dare to step too hard, as if a bloodthirsty beast was sealed under this tranquility. Once it was disturbed, it would bring irreversible disaster.

The cold ground reflected the pale shadow. Shi An slightly lowered his head, and then was shocked by his own deformed shadow.

His heart suddenly rose fast.

He was not afraid of the dark, but the white corridor in the night looked too morbid, so his heart could not stop the small earthquake.

Shi An walked gently along the corridor a few times and stopped to stand in front of the window. The hot summer evening breeze gently brushed the hair on his forehead. The night in the small town was very quiet, the occasional night car cut through the deep blue night, lights sparsely wrapped in the night.

Shi An closed his eyes and blew the wind for a while, his mood relaxed a lot. He exhaled slowly and turned to go back to the ward when an abrupt whimper came from the almost suffocating silence.

The whimper was suppressed very low, but it could be heard clearly in the quiet corridor. Shi An was caught unaware and his scalp tingled a little.

And the whimper was very close to him.

He was not a timid person; the shock passed and he quickly calmed down, tilting his head following the source of the sound.

Although the person was trying to restrain herself, the successive whimpers had a tendency to get louder and louder. Shi An frowned slightly in impatience and looked for the low cries, stopping at the corner of the stairs.

It was a woman with her head buried in the crook of her arm, wearing light-colored pajamas and her curly hair looked a little messy.

Shi An was slightly stunned.

It was Chen Yu.

Chen Yu heard the footsteps and raised her head to wipe her tears carelessly, her shoulders trembling badly, tears snapping onto the shiny cold-colored floor.

Shi An could hardly imagine the person who was hiding in the corner of the stairs late at night, swallowing bitterness to death, actually smiling so brightly during the day, like a child who had nothing in the world could make her sad.

Chen Yu wiped her tears away, looked at Shi An with red eyes, reluctantly curling up the corner of her mouth.

The stairway was lit by a dim wall lamp, and Shi An could clearly see the tears in Chen Yu’s eyes.

As if they could never be wiped away.

The eyes were still rippling with a clear smile during the day.

Shi An looked at her with his eyes lowered, reached out from his pocket and pulled out a few large white rabbit toffees before gently handing them to Chen Yu’s eyes.

When it came to comforting people, Shi An could only use this trick.

When he came to a strange city at the age of five, standing on a strange street corner, facing strange people, Yan Liang ran to him like this, with his small fist was in front of him. When he opened it, three white rabbit toffees lay quietly in his soft hand.

Chen Yu raised her eyes to look at those sweet and creamy toffee. She stretched out hand to cover her mouth tightly, and the tears in her eyes broke.

Like crushed grapes.

The teenager with clear eyebrows stood in front of her, his amber eyes were soft and gentle, and his expression was so serene that his whole person was almost holy and clean. Chen Yu forgot about her face for a while and sobbed uncontrollably at a teenage child.

Chen Yu cried fiercely. After she stopped, the whole person was still slightly huffing and puffing. The words that were floating around had a heavy sobbing tone.

Only at this moment did Shi An truly feel that pretending to be happy every day was just an unspoken self-protection.

“You’re great, you’re strong…you’re so much better than auntie…” Chen Yu took the milk candy Shi An gave her into her mouth. She covered her eyes, tilted her face away and let out a long, slightly shaky sigh, “Go back to sleep for a while…there’s still…tomorrow…right, let’s be happy.”

Shi An gave a soft muffled sound in his throat.

After breaking Chen Yu’s secret of crying late at night, everything seemed to have changed quietly the next day when he saw her bright and still smiling.

After all, Kang Xinci’s energy was still not as strong as it was at the beginning. Her face was pale and she was leaning on the bed. Shi An could not bear to look at her anymore and quietly averted his eyes..

Unlike many patients who had been haggard, Jiang Yuan still kept herself neat and tidy. She had lost a lot of weight, but still looked light and gentle. Her wide neckline was neatly arranged, and her silvery white hair loosely pulled up with a wooden flower pin. The fragrant soft smell of her dessert mixed with old cloth brocade was gone, replaced by the smell of cold disinfectant water from the hospital.

The most painful thing was when Jiang Yuan was pushed into the emergency room when she became ill.

When she was in good spirits, Shi An always felt in a trance that she could always go and tend to her flowers and plants, go into the kitchen and whip up all sorts of sweet treats, and she could still sit on the street corner with a low stool. There was a hardcover book with an elegant cover on her lap, and she looked at people and cities with a shallow smile on her face.

It was impossible to imagine that such a Jiang Yuan would be tormented by her illness and sweat. The first time Jiang Yuan entered the emergency room, Shi An felt like he had died once. His body was cold and pale, more like a patient than Jiang Yuan.

The only comforting thing was that Yan Liang often came to the hospital to stay with him for a whole day.

Shi An felt a little better when Yan Liang was around.

One night in late July, Kang Xinci was rushed into the emergency room again.

Shi An was inexplicably panicked that he stayed awake all night, staring straight at the empty bed in the night.

Until the next evening, Kang Xinci did not come back, nor did Chen Yu.

Kang Xinci’s bed quilt was taken away, Chen Yu’s folding bed and scattered things were also taken away. The bed was suddenly empty, and the breath of the mother and daughter, who always had a smile in the corner of their eyes, faded away so suddenly.

It was like a fish that gently floated to the surface and then abruptly dived back to the bottom of the water.

Shi An folded Jiang Yuan’s wide blue and white sleeves neatly, and put a hot towel on her arm that was covered with stitches and bruises.

Jiang Yuan was exceptionally silent today. Shi An wouldn’t say any jokes, and could only sit quietly next to her. His heart gradually fell to the bottom in the silence.

He closed his eyes, got up and walked out of the ward to call Yan Liang.

Just as he dialed out, Yan Liang’s phone rang at the end of the corridor. Shi An was slightly stunned and turned his head. Yan Liang was standing at the entrance of the stairs, carrying a lunch box in his hand and looking at him in some panic.

Yan Liang ran toward Shi An with one hand holding the bottom of the lunchbox.

“What’s wrong with you? What’s the matter with the phone call?” Shi An rarely took the initiative to call, and Yan Liang’s heart immediately hung in his throat as he bent down slightly to find Shi An’s drooping eyes: “What’s wrong Shi An?”

Shi An’s nose was a little sour again.

In front of Yan Liang, he seemed to be unable to hide any emotions.

He suddenly wanted to call Yan Liang, wanted to hear his voice, wanted to see his eyes, wanted it so badly.

It was like a child who was unreasonably crying to get someone’s attention.

“…Can you go talk to grandma, I don’t know what to do.” Shi An turned his back and faced out the window, his voice sounded softer than usual, with a clear sense of confusion and vulnerability.

It was hard to imagine that words like ‘I don’t know what to do’ would come out of Shi An’s mouth. Yan Liang’s temples couldn’t help but twitch violently as he patted Shi An’s back soothingly and whispered yes.

Yan Liang entered the ward, always carrying a pair of smiling eyes as before. Kang Xinci, whose face was wrinkled into a flower, disappeared, and was replaced by a miserable white hospital bed that seemed to have lost its temperature and was cool and tidy.

Yan Liang’s heart abruptly sank down hard. He looked back; Shi An was standing in the summer twilight dusk. His slender and thin body turned into a dark silhouette.

Jiang Yuan leaned against the bed and raised her eyes, smiling softly at Yan Liang. The fiery red sunset coated her eyes, pupils formed a strange and transparent reddish brown. Her silvery white hair fell behind her ears, tinted with a warm glow, swinging loosely around her ears, reminding people of her teenage years when she had flower petals pinned to her hair.

The hospital gown was worn loosely on Jiang Yuan, but instead of looking sloppy, it made her look extra soft. The sleeves folded into even-sized creases and the wide collar tidied up in a nice way.

“Xiao Liang,” Jiang Yuan called him in a warm voice, “Sit down.”

Yan Liang put the lunch box on the table, pulled a chair over and sat down next to Jiang Yuan’s bed.

“It’s hard on you, making you run so much every day.” Jiang Yuan wanted to lift her hand with the infusion to touch his hair but Yan Liang immediately lowered himself to come over and gently rubbed against Jiang Yuan’s palm.

Yan Liang’s smile was very contagious. The end of his slightly narrow eyes brought out shallow folds, the corners of his mouth curled up to reveal small fangs, and sometimes his nose would wrinkle slightly, looking handsome and cute. Jiang Yuan could not help but smile along with him, gently rubbing his hair.

“Being old is troublesome. Every day, Xiao An has worked hard. He has lost a lot of weight.” Jiang Yuan sighed slowly and gently. “The oil is exhausted and the lamp is dry.”

The gentle words were soft and long in her gentle tone; it made people easily think of the days when you couldn’t see the end in the cracks of warm yellow glow.

Yan Liang’s heart was clogged. He made a strong effort to lift the corners of his mouth and talk to Jiang Yuan in as lively a tone as possible.

The sun finally sank below the horizon, and the sky got really dark. The hospital was lit up with cold white lights, and the corridors were miserably white; it seemed to have slightly lowered the sticky and chaotic high temperature at the end of July.

Shi An stood in front of the window in the same position as before Yan Liang entered the ward, his long, white knuckles resting loosely on the cold gray window pane. He slightly tilted his head to the side, Yan Liang could see the side of his clean and slender eyelashes.
.
Yan Liang almost couldn’t help it and wanted to step forward to hug him.

Hearing the sound of footsteps, Shi An turned around with a calm expression. In the light, he could faintly see the blue blood vessels. The whole person looked like a delicate and transparent glass handicraft, which was fragile enough to withstand a little bump.

He had lost weight, and his chin had become more and more pointed.

Yan Liang’s heart began to throb softly again.

Shi An looked like he was very tired, with a distinct green-gray color under his eyes, and bloodshot eyes that could faintly be seen.

“How are you going to take care of auntie like that? Do you know what kind of face you have now?” Yan Liang wanted to fake a fierce face, but he couldn’t show such an expression, so he had to purse his lips to make himself look as serious as possible.

Shi An raised his eyes to look at him, slightly in a trance.

For the past two months, Yan Liang had been distancing himself from him in a gentle but firm manner. He stood there in panic and confusion, begging Yan Liang to come back, and now Yan Liang was walking back to him as he wished, but he was still in a daze.

Yan Liang’s dark eyes looked at him with tenderness and concern, causing him to inexorably rise up with an almost pious gratitude.

So Yan Liang really tolerated his absurd and unreasonable thoughts.

Shi An suddenly raised his hand and clutched the hem of Yan Liang’s shirt.

Yan Liang was slightly stunned. He lowered his eyes to look for Shi An’s eyes, but was caught off guard by the fragile emotion under Shi An’s eyes that seemed like it would fall apart in the next second.

Before he could react, Shi An gently closed his eyes. When he opened them, his light-colored eyes had long been clear.