It Seems There is Light

After sending Yan Liang away, Shi An’s thoughts, which had just begun to calm down, became redundant again.

He uncontrollably recalled Lu Qingzhi’s cool and empty eyes over and over again, her expressionless face, and her ethereal voice that was about to melt into nothingness.

He had never seen Lu Qingzhi’s uncontrollable emotions, never seen her hysteria.

She was that quiet, that cold, that desolate, that deliberate.

Shi An had somewhat forgotten the appearance of Shi Wang, only vaguely remembered that he had a pair of seductive and affectionate eyes. When looking at people, they made people want to drown uncontrollably in the boundless tenderness of the dark pupils.

In fact, he ate, drank, gambled and smoked everything; only had good skin.

When Shi Wang started to drink, his voice was so loud that he was like a madman who could vomit blood and fall to the ground in the next second, and a hoarse and ugly roar came out of his throat. Sometimes he pointed at Lu Qingzhi’s nose in a rage with his eyes bloodshot and his face twisted. Sometimes he cried bitterly, his face was covered with tears and snot, trembling all over. He crawled on the ground, slapped himself hard, and mouth slurred words of apology.

Lu Qingzhi sometimes leaned back on the sofa and looked at him with her eyes down. The light and cold gaze fall on him quietly, like looking at some dead thing, or a piece of nothingness in the air. It couldn’t excite any ripples, but people couldn’t stop shaking because of the cold.

Sometimes when Lu Qingzhi wasn’t home, Shi An would sit on the sofa instead of her, holding a book in his arms, his legs dangling in the air, swaying gently from one to the other.

Shi An’s eyes must be very much like Lu Qingzhi’s. Only when he was drunk could he look at a child who was not as tall as his knee.

Shi An once loathed his eyes.

He could always easily find Lu Qingzhi’s shadow through these eyes.

He shuddered uncontrollably at the cold temperature in his pupil, just like the way Lu Qingzhi glanced at him carelessly from the corner of her eyes.

When he was a child, he used to stand in front of the mirror with a stool and rub his eyes with his hands fiercely until the end of his eyes were blindingly red, and his thin, cold pupils were hidden in a blur of warmth before he would reluctantly stop.

However, he had a pair of eyes that resembled hers this much.

But Shi An was about to forget that when these eyes were filled with love and tenderness, they would be beautiful beyond words.

But these eyes had long lost all their warmth.

All the resentment had faded with time into a cloud of relief, but now, Shi An suddenly felt at a loss, as if clarity had fallen into chaos.

For Jiang Yuan, for Lu Qingzhi, and for himself.

During the night Jiang Yuan was pushed into the emergency room and came out past three o’clock in the morning.

Shi An went to the department and brought back a critical condition notice.

He stood in the corridor. The summer evening breeze was blowing in through the window, and it was so cold that he wanted to shiver.

He never knew summer could be so cold.

A pale and twisted shadow was reflected on the bright ground. Shi An stared blankly, the cold white light reflecting and piercing his eyes.

He felt like he couldn’t stand firmly, but he couldn’t quite move either, and couldn’t even crouch down and curl himself up into a ball.

He was so cold in the sticky, hot summer night air, that his whole body was numb.

Shi An slowly took his phone out of his pocket, his movements as slow as if his joints were rusted.

The phone’s black screen reflected his pale face.

Shi An unlocked his mobile phone with difficulty, and after tapping the contacts, his finger stopped at Yan Liang’s name.

It was past three o’clock in the morning, Shi An didn’t expect the call to get through. Who knew that the phone was connected to the other party just after the call was made.

Yan Liang’s voice sounded sober, as if he was not sleeping at all.

Shi An tried to hold the phone up to his ear, but before his wrist could even start to exert any force, his knuckles trembled slightly. He lost all his strength for a moment, and the phone slammed to the ground.

Yan Liang’s burning voice faintly reached the air. Shi An looked down to look at the phone that had gone off again, as his whole body was trapped in a dizzying chaos.

He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers against his temples as his body swayed.

The phone screen suddenly lit up and the call was disconnected.

Shi An did not pick up the phone, he leaned back against the wall.

The cold temperature covered his back through the thin cloth, Shi An’s breathing was stagnant, and he trembled slightly.

He raised his head slightly, his eyes were staring at the dazzlingly white light, the angle of view was dizzy with strange colors, making his eyes hurt.

After some time, the elevator made a short noise when it reached the floor, followed by a series of panicked and hurried footsteps in the empty corridor. Shi An’s temples were aching from the noise, and he used his last strength to frown heavily, but Yan Liang’s burning face suddenly appeared in his blurred vision.

Yan Liang seemed to be running in a hurry, still panting slightly, his hair was wet with sweat, and the hot summer heat seemed to run into his eyes.

The beautiful peach blossom eyes were painted with water.

The familiar scent on Yan Liang’s shirt shattered Shi An’s last defense; his vision began to blur rapidly, and the dull pain coming from his eye sockets stirred a lump in his throat.

“Shi An?! What, what’s wrong with you?” Yan Liang stood in front of him helplessly, supporting his shoulder with one hand and cupping his aw with the other, carefully raising his face, “I’m here, I’m here, are you looking for me?”

Shi An tried to turn his face away, but Yan Liang’s fingertips suddenly increased the force, and he was forced to tilt his face up and look directly into Yan Liang’s eyes.

Yan Liang looked at him, slowly widened his eyes. He loosened the fingers that clamped his jaw, and directly cupped his face with both hands: “God, Shi An, you, what happened? Can you talk? What’s wrong with you?”

He didn’t know why he was holding Shi An’s face, but he did it by instinct.

Shi An was also fond of him, and after the distress and annoyance, Yan Liang dismissed all his worries.

Now Shi An needed him.

Accidentally turning open the hardcover notebook on the bookshelf, Yan Liang resisted the desire to rush to the hospital to share his thoughts with Shi An immediately. He couldn’t sleep until 3:30 in the morning, so he was able to answer Shi An’s call as soon as possible

After the instinctive ecstasy, Yan Liang was scared out of his wits by the untimely call.

He heard the sound of something hard hitting the ground on the other end of the line.

Unable to get a taxi, Yan Liang ran all the way to the hospital, like a crazy wild horse in the chaotic and thick summer night.

Intuition told him that his Shi An might not be feeling very good.

Yan Liang helplessly lifted Shi An’s face, but still couldn’t stop Shi An’s tears from getting thicker and thicker.

Shi An’s delicate eyebrows were tightly furrowed, his thin lips were slightly pursed, and the end of the eyes were flushed with a declining red, full of watery light wavering in the amber eyes. He seemed to be trying to suppress his emotions, but his thin shoulders still trembled slightly.

Yan Liang’s breath almost caught in his throat. He carefully held Shi An’s increasingly thin face, the tip of his heart throbbing with the increasingly tears in Shi An’s eyes.

Shi An turned his face and pushed his hand away. His voice was faintly trembling as he said, “It’s okay, give, give me… ten seconds.”

His voice was soft, like some kind of mournful and quiet sigh that quickly dispersed into the boundless void.

“…It will be fine soon, just a moment.” Shi An lowered his head and closed his eyes tightly, but his long, curly eyelashes were still a little soaked with thin water vapor, like the moistened wings of a butterfly on a rainy day.

The long and fragile eyelashes finally could not bear the weight of the teardrop. Shi An still closed his eyes, but the transparent teardrop slipped silently across his pale cheeks, smashed on the cold floor.

Yan Liang’s heart fell to the bottom with the falling teardrops. He bit his lips hard and raised his hand to cover Shi An’s eyes.

The long, wet, and cold eyelashes gently scratched his palm.

The temperature of Yan Liang’s palm was very high, so the temperature of tears seemed so insignificant, giving Shi An the illusion of being able to shed as many tears as he wanted.

The warmth of his fingertips lingered with a scent that was familiar to him to the point of palpitations. Shi An could barely contain the whimper that had choked his throat, and his breathing grew heavier and heavier. His eyes, nose and temples were bursting with pain. The temperature of the tears and Yan Liang’s palm were entwined together, together with his hot breath, burning his whole face.

The tears wet Yan Liang’s palm lightly and quickly.

Shi An cried.

Yan Liang’s burning feeling that was at a loss quieted down with the quietly broken tears, leaving only tender feelings and sour pain filled with heat.

How can someone cry so quietly?

Shi An bit his lower lip tightly, his heavy gasping was swallowed back into his throat. In order to prevent his tremor from his gaffe, he seemed to hold his breath, leaving only tears in the silent dam, like a great grievance, even crying carefully.

Yan Liang’s heart was sore and soft. He let go of the hand over Shi An’s eyes and gently gathered Shi An into his arms.

Shi An seemed to have lost all his strength. Yan Liang didn’t make any effort at all, Shi An fell into his arms obediently.

After embracing the person, Yan Liang’s breathing was severely stagnant.

How can you be so thin?

Shi An’s skeleton was slender among boys, but the teenager’s thin body was getting thinner and thinner, like a puff of light smoke that would break up at any time. Yan Liang almost didn’t dare to hold him tight.

Shi An’s eyes rested on Yan Liang’s shoulder, and his tears were stirred by the familiar and warm scent, falling like a completely broken faucet.

He was too attached to Yan Liang’s scent.

Shi An was leaning in Yan Liang’s arms, crying so hard that he could hardly breathe. He felt Yan Liang gently touching the top of his hair, and his voice sounded in his ear: “Want to cry louder?”

Yan Liang’s voice was so soft and gentle that Shi An felt his heart was like a sponge filled with water, and when it was twisted, water would come out with a clatter.

He couldn’t control the small whimpering sound, all of it was muffled into Yan Liang’s arms.

Chen Yu once praised him for being strong.

It didn’t seem to be that strong.

Shi An’s sobbing voice got a little louder and softened in Yan Liang’s arms. Following his movements, Yan Liang also squatted down slightly, his fingers loosely inserted into the back of Shi An’s hair layer, holding Shi An’s head down into the crook of his neck.

The person in his arms trembled violently, his fingers clutching the hem of his shirt, like a badly wounded little animal.

Yan Liang’s palm gently patted Shi An’s hair regularly, and his heart ached as if the heart was constantly gurgling out with dense bubbles.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here.” Yan Liang rested his chin on the top of Shi An’s extremely soft hair and rubbed the back of his head with a swirling palm.

“Little friend Shi An is not happy, what do you think I should do?” Yan Liang tried to make his voice the softest and lightest, with a grainy finish like a chilled watermelon with a sandy flesh in the summer.

“…No, not little friend…”1 Shi An’s voice was still trembling, the end of his voice was so soft, his cheek was smothered in Yan Liang’s arms, persistently refuting Yan Liang’s words.

Shi An finally spoke. Yan Liang was surprised and happy, and a little nervous for some reason, so he hurriedly coaxed him softly: “Okay, okay, no, no, Shi An is a big friend, okay?”

Shi An was quiet again, tears soaking Yan Liang’s thin clothes. He nestled in Yan Liang’s arms and gasped quietly.

With pain in his eye sockets, Shi An slightly closed his eyes, a little reluctant to let go of the fingers clutching the corner of Yan Liang’s clothes.

“It’s alright, okay?” Yan Liang continued to gently pat his hair, “It’s alright, it’s alright…”

Shi An barely managed to catch his breath before he opened his mouth again, “…Yan Liang, I, just now, the department gave a notice of critical condition for my grandma.”

Shi An’s voice changed slightly again. He didn’t dare to speak anymore, so he gathered his voice and suppressed the tears that came back to his eyes.

Yan Liang’s heart sank with a jerk, and a cold rose up his spine, winding upward continuously until his scalp was numb from the cold.

A few hours ago, he was convinced that everything would be better. Once the day dawned, he would go and tell Shi An himself how much he really liked him.

As long as he thought of Shi An stumbling alone on the road without light for so long, he couldn’t wait for any response from him. He was so distressed that he couldn’t help it.

Why was his Shi An so unlucky? So stupid, how could he wait.

Shi An straightened up and sat leaning against the wall, with his fingers over his red, swollen eyelids.

Yan Liang came over and sat with him, reaching out to gently pat his back.

“Believe me, Auntie will get better,” Yan Liang took him by the shoulders, his low soft voice like raindrops on the bluestone tiles, “I will always be with you, I am here, you believe me, when everything gets better… ”

We’ll be together.

Okay.