It Seems There is Light

The foreign sensation buried in the back of his hand made Shi An uncomfortable.

He lifted his left hand, and the long, thin needle was buried in a greenish-blue vein, hidden beneath the cold white skin.

With his other hand, he squeezed the long, thin tube and built up some strength before giving it a sharp tug.

The needle ripped out of the skin, the fragile flesh was torn by the cold-colored syringe, and the thick crimson blood bled out in an instant.

The tearing sensation gave Shi An an inexplicable pleasure. He stared straight down at the blood slowly spreading on the back of his hand.

The cold white back of his hand, the tragic white sheets, everything and the stark blood formed a sharp visual impact as a faint smell of blood drifted into Shi An’s nose.

He felt a little like throwing up and ambled over to the side of the bed, retching violently a few times.

“Shi An?!” He heard the door of the ward being opened and Yan Liang rushed to his side. Grabbing his wrist, he pressed the soft tissue on the wound.

“You, what are you doing?” Yan Liang squatted down and raised his eyes from the bottom up to look at him with undisguised panic and nervousness in his eyes.

Those peach blossom eyes that always carried a smile seemed to dry up.

Shi An was numbly grabbed by his wrist, and blood silently soaked through the snow-white tissues.

Lu Qingzhi was leaning against the side of the bed, with her hood off and her hair in a messy pile on her shoulders and cheeks. Her hair seemed to have been scratched carelessly, her eyes were slightly red and swollen, and her already pale lips were covered with a thin layer of dead skin.

Shi An saw Lu Qingzhi out of shape for the first time.

He stared at Lu Qingzhi’s reddened eyes, and suddenly rose up with an almost treacherous and uncontrollable pleasure. He slightly curled his mouth.

Lu Qingzhi’s dead, empty eyes looked at him in amazement, as if she was looking at some kind of monster.

Yan Liang panicked. He cupped his face and pulled his head over. The tips of his fingers on his cheeks seemed to tremble slightly.

Shi An was forced to look straight into Yan Liang’s eyes.

His pupils were so dark but his eyes were so bright; his lacquered pupils always seemed to be burning with a fire.

The corners of Shi An’s mouth were burned by the hot temperature in his eyes, it hurt.

The air still smelled like rusty blood and Shi An reluctantly pushed Yan Liang away, crouching down and tearing his heart out, then retching.

The sticky nausea in his chest and throat subsided before Shi An straightened up.

“Yan Liang,” he said, “Where’s my grandma?”

The voice of the formerly clean and clear teenager became hoarse and dry. Yan Liang took off his strength and leaned against the wall, looking straight into Shi An’s eyes.

His face was clearly reflected in those quiet amber eyes.

The color of his dark and deep pupils, and the light amber color overlapped together, melting into the endless emptiness under Shi An’s eyes.

“…” Yan Liang raised his hand and pressed his Adam’s apple, trying to make his voice sound normal, “Shi An, want to go see her?”

 

 

Shi An did not let Lu Qingzhi take over Jiang Yuan’s funeral; he was more willing to trust the neighbors of Qingjiu Alley.

Jiang Yuan slept forever in the temple’s columbarium.

After returning home, Shi An lay in Jiang Yuan’s room, feeling the residual warmth of Jiang Yuan in the air.

He had a high fever and took most of the month off from school, lying at home, sleeping day and night. In a dream that did not distinguish time from space, he occasionally woke up, sometimes at twilight, sometimes at night.

He seemed to be dreaming all the time. The chaos of the heat evaporating his sanity to the point of disintegration. He couldn’t remember anything, except that every time he woke up, there was always a person around him. He took him into his arms, stroked his hair, and told him not to be afraid.

His familiar old neighbor, his familiar smell, his familiar warm eyes.

Sometimes when he came to his senses, he would meet with Lady’s light and clear eyes, like the farthest and cleanest sky in winter; the gentle warmth of the coolness soaked through the high fever that burned his breath away.

Lady sometimes lay on his pillow and sometimes quietly curled into Shi An’s arms with her tail resting on his wrist.

The hot eyelids burned his lower eyelids. He often couldn’t open his eyes. His body was chilled by the heat, and the tide-like high temperature soaked his body in a seemingly never-ending dullness.

His five senses began to become dull. In the burning coarse breath, he struggled to catch the light soap fragrance on Yan Liang’s clothes.

Yan Liang’s slender fingers gently rested on his forehead.

The memory of Yan Liang’s warm fingertips became cold under the heat of his forehead. Shi An opened his hot and heavy eyelids hard, searching for Yan Liang’s eyes in the dim and hazy sight.

Yan Liang put one hand on his forehead and the other hand on the headboard, slightly leaning over. Seeing Shi An opened his eyes, he slightly curled his lips.

Yan Liang’s eyelashes were not very long, but they as black as raven feathers, with distinct roots. When he looked down at the person, he looked so gentle that he seemed to kiss them in the next second.

Shi An struggled to open his eyes, unblinkingly searching for the warmth of Yan Liang’s eyes that would give him peace of mind.

Shi An’s eyes were a little unclear. His appearance was too much like a lost child. Yan Liang bit his lips as he lifted his hand to cover Shi An’s feverishly watery eyes.

“I’m here, don’t worry about me, just sleep.”

Shi An slowly tilted his head away from Yan Liang’s palm, stubbornly staring at him, slightly puffing out his cheeks, as if he was angry.

His eyes were burning red, his cheekbones were flushed with light scarlet, his long, curly eyelashes were blinking arduously and wearily and his lips were slightly opened, as if he wanted to speak.

Shi An had forgotten what he had said. In the tide of hot chaos, he felt his chest and throat vibrate with dullness, his throat spasming as if he had been stuffed with rough, hot sand.

He seemed to ask Yan Liang if he was going to die.

He said he was really uncomfortable.

He also seemed to say that he might not be a good kid because Lu Qingzhi didn’t want him, Shi Wang didn’t want him, and Jiang Yuan didn’t want him either.

Even Yan Liang almost didn’t want him

When he said a certain word, Yan Liang showed an expression of pain from surprise. He saw Yan Liang shaking his head desperately, his beautiful lips opening and closing, as if he was constantly refuting something.

His head seemed to be filled with air bubbles, and the words and sentences were deformed and distorted between the dense and wet extrusion. Shi An blinked wearily, looking in vain and dazedly at Yan Liang’s open and closed lips, he gently tilted his head and tried to put on a puzzled expression.

Yan Liang did not speak, he closed his eyes. A blank and pained look was isolated under a single thin eyelid.

His hand once again gently rested on Shi An’s forehead.

The familiar scent filled the tip of his nose, and Shi An closed his hot and heavy eyelids.

Before passing out, he heard Yan Liang whispering in his ear, repeating something softly and stubbornly over and over again, the repetitive syllables hitting his eardrums dully.

What was he saying?

Shi An struggled to open his eyes, but lost consciousness little by little.

 

 

It was a cloudy evening when he woke up.

The room was drenched in a quiet gray-blue hue, and Shi An stared at the old window pane, not knowing for a moment whether it was morning or dusk.

The body that had returned from the high temperature sank into the long-lost comfort of soreness and softness. He felt his breath, that seemed a little chilly, and sat up slowly.

For the first time when he woke up, there was no one else in the room.

The room was gradually submerged in the thickening night, the blurred outlines of furniture mutely outlining the clear moonlight of the light winter.

Shi An cleaned himself up.

He took a shower, changed into a clean shirt, and ran his fingers through his dripping wet hair.

The bangs, which were already a bit long, wavered over his eyes after being soaked in water. Shi An grabbed all the wet hair from his forehead, standing in the living room and stopping his movements for a while.

He suddenly didn’t know what he was going to do.

The old wooden floor made a faint creaking sound, and Shi An followed the sound and tilted his head.

Yan Liang, not knowing how long he had been there, was standing in front of Jiang Yuan’s room. The dim light in the corridor blurring the young man’s chiseled silhouette.

Yan Liang looked at him, bewildered like a child who accidentally let a balloon clutched in his hand fly away.

“Shi An,” Yan Liang’s figure paused in place, then quickly walked towards Shi An, reaching out to hold Shi An’s shoulders, “Shi An, where have you been?”

Shi An was slightly pressed back half a step by Yan Liang’s movement. His brain, tired and sluggish from the high fever he had just recovered from, made him only stare blankly into Yan Liang’s eyes.

“Me? I took a shower.”

The living room was not lit, and the warm yellow light from the corridor gave Yan Liang a light edge. He was against the light, half of his face hidden in the darkness, but his eyes were amazingly bright, burning like a fire.

Yan Liang did not move, stubbornly repeating: “Shi An, where have you been?”

Shi An blinked slowly for a moment before answering, “Well, I’m back.”

Yan Liang put his warm palm on Shi An’s forehead, which was cold after his fever dropped. He bent down slightly, his eyes resting on Shi’an’s shoulders.

Shi An thought for a moment. Following Yan Liang’s usual example, he raised his palm and rubbed the back of Yan Liang’s head.

Yan Liang leaned on his shoulder and took a few long, slow, deep breaths.

“I’m fine,” Shi An gently smoothed Yan Liang’s back, “You go back first, I want to stay by myself.”

Yan Liang immediately raised his head and looked carefully into Shi An’s eyes; his gaze was so soft, he was afraid that even a single line of sight would shatter Shi An.

There was no expression on Shi An’s face; his light-colored eyes were warm and soft, and crystal water droplets tickled down from the tips of his hair, along his thin cheeks, and smashed to the floor.

The tips of the dark hair moistened by the water vapor touched the end of the eyes and overlapped with the ends of the slender eyelashes. Shi An looked at him and said, “You go back.”

He was still tired, and his voice was so light that it was ethereal and indistinct.

Yan Liang hesitated a little and nodded slowly.

Shi An had always been an extremely resilient person, and most of the time he was able to make the best decision for himself.

He had made it through.

The days would go on.

Yan Liang walked to the stairs and held on to the wall before turning around again.

“…Shi An,” Yan Liang said, “Do you remember that day…when I came over and you happened to wake up, did you hear…what I said?

Shi An’s fingers fluttered through his hair and paused slightly.

He probably knew which time Yan Liang was talking about, but he was so unconscious from the fever that he really didn’t hear anything.

“Am I talking nonsense?” Shi An narrowed his eyes slightly and tilted his head. The tips of his hair crossing the peak of his nose with his movements, “I can’t remember. What did you say?”

The staircase was hidden in the darkness and the teenager’s silhouette blurred. He heard Yan Liang’s voice muffled, “…How come you didn’t hear it…”

There seemed to be some annoyance.

Shi An wanted to ask more, but Yan Liang had already gone down the stairs. He seemed to bounce down the last two steps with a dull thud of the wooden floor.

Shi An stood in place for a moment longer.

His movements seemed to be put on slow motion; the blinking of his eyes seemed to take a full minute to open and close. His mind was blank and quiet, reminding him of a dandelion swaying in the light wind.

The heart was empty, with a sense of loss and sorrow.

 

T/N: There are ten chapters left!