Let Me Forget, My First Love

“I’ll be waiting for you, Kouhai-kun……huh.”

I let out an exhale mixed with a soliloquy that only I can hear, and the corners of my mouth end up turning up.  　

Here is a creepy guy giggling.

Sigh~, I can’t even study for the exam. My dreamy state of mind just won’t stop!

It is as if a gentle light suddenly shone on a world that had been cloudy. It is definitely different. The everyday scenery reflected in my eyes has been reborn more vividly, a pleasant state of mind.

It’s an afternoon during class, my mouth loosens as I look at the messaging app displayed on my phone, which I dexterously play with behind my desk.

《I’m sure your mother comes home late as usual, right?　I don’t have plans tonight either, so if you want, I can go cook dinner or something.》

The sender of the overly happy message is, of course, Haru-senpai.

It was even accompanied by an adorable sticker of a trendy character saluting, and so I returned a similar sticker in a second! No reason to refuse. 

What the heck, what the heck~　

Is it okay? Such an exciting event happened two days in a row.  

“Hey, Natsume. How about we go home and have some fun today to take a break from studying for the exams?”

The teacher’s voice explaining the main points of the class was not a concern. My friend sitting next to me offered to help me kill some time, but now was not the time for me to be developing male friendships.

“I’m sorry. I have a prior appointment that I can’t miss, so I’m going straight home.”

When I briskly decline while looking at my phone screen, I get seared with a doubtful stare.

“You …… have been grinning at your phone for a while now, haven’t you? Is it a girl? It’s a girl, right?”  

“Guess what.”

“Oy! What the he*l are you doing, da*n! Any examinee who plays with women should be a ronin! Damn you!”

T/N : Ronin, someone who waiting for another chance to enter a university

Shut up. Notice how the teacher is coughing and staring at us.

“Well, it’s Hirose-senpai, isn’t it?  You guys were really close, weren’t you?”

We were.

My curious friend lowers his voice but tries to expand on this love story.  

“We’re closer than lovers.”

“Don’t try to run away from me, you traitor……I won’t invite you to play with me anymore…….”

“Don’t say that, ask me out. We’re friends.”  　

It was a statement that was meant to be a joke, and yet it’s so seriously regrettable there. It’s unreasonable to be treated as a traitor as soon as you hint at a woman’s presence in the friendship of a group of boys.

Yesterday, I was so excited by the sudden turn of events, but after a day or so, my instincts tell me that it was not just a pleasant situation.

That person comes back to her hometown two days in a row. It was a little strange.  　

I had finally begun to accept life without senpai around, but this unexpected encounter made me sorely elated and lit a spark of lingering feelings that had been incompletely burned out.

The troublesome balance between the construction of wanting to maintain an appropriate distance and the true intention of wanting to meet easily in accordance with an honest desire swung in my favor.  　

……I’m sure she has no special thought about it, since she’s a soft-hearted senpai.

If a man and a woman of your age are going to be alone together, you’d better keep the room clean and tidy, right?  　

Even though I try to fool myself into thinking that I don’t have weird expectations and am not conscious of her as a member of the opposite sex, in the corner of my head, the images of my fantasies start to play on a loop. 

I can’t even study anymore…….

Ugh……all I can think about is Haru-senpai.  　

Very immature and it’s painful.  　

Shirahama Natsume’s adolescence has been swayed by his one-sided love.  

“I mean, I was surprised that you still liked Hirose-senpai—”

My friend was about to say that much, but he cuts off his line with a meaningful part.

“……I don’t think I can go out with Haru-senpai. Right now…I just want her to treat me like a junior, like a little brother.”

—That is enough for me.

It’s too much to want more than that and absolutely impossible.

“You have a reasonably good-looking face and you’re fairly smart, so why don’t you go out with someone else? Just between you and me, I hear there are quite a few girls who like Natsume, you know?”

Novel ini diterjemahkan oleh Musubi Novel

This novel was translated by Musubi Novel

“I’m flattered to hear that. Though I don’t remember any girl confessing to me since I entered high school.”

“No wonder. When you were talking with Hirose-senpai, no matter how anyone looked at you, you were so blushing that there was no space for other girls to get into it.”

“Was I that……obvious?”  

“You stubborn.”

“Don’t give me a dishonorable nickname.”

“As long as you have a crush, maybe you’re quietly breaking someone else’s crush, too.”

“…….I don’t know.”  　

My heart aches in my chest as I give a blunt reply.  　

Even if there was someone close to me who liked me, no one can read someone’s mind.

If you don’t convey your thoughts and feelings in your voice or in writing, they will never know.  　

The same goes for me.  　

A silent unrequited love that has no intention of conveying its feelings will never reach her.

“Why don’t you just tell her? Wouldn’t that make things easier?”

“I’m fine with this. Haru-senpai and I will……always have this relationship.”

When I thought it was someone else’s problem and made a careless remark, I felt a slight irritation.  　

As if to deceive myself about my discomfort with my own relentless self, I tried to scribble the main points of the class on the blackboard on a loose-leaf paper, but the lead of my pen broke as soon as I tried to write.

I wish I could do better in both examinations and my love life.

My motivation to study was broken, so I plopped down at my desk to cover my agony.