Only Villains Do That

“What? Lord Seiji, that’s not a beastman,” said Mimi.

“Wh—he isn’t?” I pointed at the fallen man, who was still partially curled up and wincing in pain after the tumble he’d taken. “Look, he’s got the ears and the tail and everything.”

“Exactly. Ears and tail, nothing else. That’s just a halfbreed.”

“Don’t call people halfbreeds,” I blurted in annoyance before my brain caught up with my mouth. “That’s not just rude, it’s nonsensical. Having dual parentage doesn’t make you half a person. If anything, the opposite.”

“A good point, Lord Seiji, my apologies.” Mimi, or Lady Miriami, was smooth and discreet as all the young aristocrats I’d taken in. It was funny how they all had abundant skills in outdoor survival, social maneuvering, and basically nothing else, but they were definitely easier to talk to than the more rough-mannered lowborn I’d been hanging around with. “I mean, this fellow clearly has human and beastfolk parentage. Wolffolk, to judge by the tail.”

“Isn’t that a fox tail?” said Nazralind.

“Well, if he’s not a beastfolk, what the hell do they look like?” I demanded.

“They’re beast…folk,” Aster said uncertainly. “Um. Folk who are like beasts. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

Sakin, grinning as usual, cleared his throat. “For example, Lord Seiji, the local catfolk: picture a cat the size of a man, walking upright like a man, with limbs arranged like a man’s. That’s a catman. Furry all over, animal heads, fluffy tails, and some weird musculature especially in the limbs. Plus big ol’ bappy paws for feet. So yes, this guy’s half-human. Maybe more than half, by the look of it. Which also explains why he’s faffing around alone in the forest, dressed like a hobo.”

“Oh, let me guess,” I sighed.

“Yes, I’m afraid half—ah, that is, individuals with dual parentage are usually not accepted by either kind,” Nazralind said, grimacing. “Human settlements chase them out. I don’t know exactly how the beast tribes deal with them, but I’ve heard it’s more or less the same.”

Poor guy. Sakin was right: his clothes were threadbare, ill-fitting rags which had clearly been scavenged and were not going to serve him very well in the coming winter. His mane of black hair looked like it had never been combed in his life, much less cut. He wasn’t dirty, though. The clothing was stained, but he had the clear complexion and shiny hair of somebody who bothered to bathe when he could. I guess there were fresh water sources out among the khora, after all.

I was starting to feel bad about all this. The guy had the tense, livid expression of somebody who was terrified and determined not to show it—and also, that had been quite a drop and I was pretty sure he’d landed right on his tailbone.

“Well, then. Heal.” Pink light flashed in the dimness, and he twitched, jerking upright. His furry ears straightened up fully, then laid flat against his skull, and I despised how adorable that was. “Sorry about the rough greeting, friend, but in my defense… Here we are in a bandit camp we just cleared out, and there you were lurking in the khora overhead. What was I supposed to think?”

He just stared at me, squinting suspiciously, then glanced at several of the crossbows pointing at him. His whole body was obviously tensed to spring—but by the look of him, he’d much rather run than fight. It was clear that only the fact he was surrounded by armed people prevented him.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

The wolf-eared boy narrowed his eyes to slits, staring at me in cold silence. Yellow eyes just like a wolf’s, I noticed, though this being Dount that didn’t prove anything. Aster’s eyes were almost the same color; Dountol lowborn in general had light irises in every shade I knew from Earth, as well as tones of red, yellow, and purple.

“You know I can just kill you, right?” I prompted. His tail bushed up but he didn’t otherwise move. A few of my followers gave me dubious looks, but I just kept talking. “Pragmatically speaking, that’s what I ought to do. You’re an unknown quantity spying on my business in the middle of the night. In fact, killing you outright would’ve been a lot easier than knocking you off that perch. So you can tell from the very fact that you’re still alive that I do not intend or want to harm you.” I held up one hand. “However. As I’m sure you can see, our business is not the kind that does well with…witnesses. So help me out here, buddy. Let’s have a pleasant chat, determine where we stand, and decide how to resolve this in a way that lets you go about your business and doesn’t require me to do something I’d rather not. Kay?”

One pointed ear twitched sideways, twice.

I inclined my upper body in a very slight bow. “My name is Seiji. And you are…?”

Finally, I got an answer. Grudgingly, but it was progress. “I’m Sato.”

“Sato,” I said in surprise. “Huh. That’s a Japanese name.” A surname, but still…

“I have no idea what that means,” he said tersely.

Sure, it was probably a coincidence. It was just two syllables, after all; that might pop up in almost any language. Still… I couldn’t help looking closer at his hair. Lowborn hair was black and always curly, with a glossy sheen when clean; elven and therefore highborn hair was yellow, but very stiff and coarse in texture and didn’t shine under light the way European blonde did. This guy had straight, black hair that was thick and, despite its disheveled state, glossy. Like mine.

Probably a coincidence. But I was certain Virya had not told me everything about how this game of hers worked, and I had my suspicions about that Vanderhoen character who’d turned up to advise the King of Fflyr Dlemathlys and started implementing reforms that smelled to me suspiciously of modernization.

“He’s not bad looking, though,” Keffin piped up in the momentary pause which fell as I considered this. “I never actually met a halfbreed before.”

“Lord Seiji just said not to use that word,” Kastrin muttered at her. I’d already decided not to make a thing of it; the noblewomen were one thing, but the former whores were only socially adroit when they chose to be and made an effort, and Keffin was… Well, she was more fun than studious, as she immediately proved.

“How about it, cutie pie?” she cooed at Sato, striking a pose: one leg out, hips cocked to the side, leaning forward to give us all a nice view down her neckline. “Wanna share some quality time? Let me pet those ears and I’ll rearrange your whole view of the cosmos.”

For my part, I had to clench my eyes shut for a moment against a flash of remembered panic, the lovely expanse of Keffin’s cleavage triggering an instinctive clench of horror and grief from something I’d seen while healing in Cat Alley. At least it was a brief and minor flash this time, hopefully gone before anyone noticed my stiffening up.

I’d been a few days; good to know my mind was still unraveling. That was what passed for comforting familiarity for me anymore.

“Keffin,” I said aloud, “do you mind? We are working, here.”

“What? I was! I’m just—oh, right, new job. Sorry, Lord Seiji! Force of habit.”

A mixture of groans and cackling ensued from her comrades; Kastrin gave her a particularly scathing look, and Adelly (lightly) swatted the back of her head. Poor Sato looked absolutely bemused by this exchange, on top of still being quite reasonably afraid for his life.

“So, anyway,” I said loudly, “what brings you out here to skulk in the khora over our heads, Sato?”

“I saw lights, heard voices,” he answered, still terse. “This gang was bad news. Pays to keep track of what they’re doing.”

“So you crept onto a khora branch right over the camp? Points for balls but not sense, there. You do know these bastards were eating people, right?”

“I know. I’m not sorry they’re gone. But I could tell it wasn’t them from a long way off. Figured it’d be smart to see what was happening. Specially when I realized it was you guys.”

That last bit was delivered with a scowl and a biting tone that seemed more personal with the rest.

“Why,” I said mildly, “whatever is wrong with us guys?”

“You’re the idiots who moved into that old fortress,” he accused. “You have any idea how much trouble that’s going to cause everybody in this forest? Once the Fflyr find out there’ll be a whole army marched out here.”

“Hmm.”

Yeah, that tracked with what I’d already been told. I considered my options, here. Killing him was still the practical thing to do, but I was never going to be okay with casual brutality toward people who’d done nothing to deserve it. For god’s sake, I had enough blood on my hands from assholes who forced me to kill them, I did not need to add silencing witnesses to the things keeping me up at night. But failing that, I still needed to do something. Just letting this rando scurry off into the forest to tell fuck knew who all about my ongoing campaign against the other local bandit gangs was not a good idea.

Then again… There was the lesson of Kasser and Ydleth, fresh in my mind. The principles I was trying to teach my followers. Now that I thought of it, this dilemma might actually be an opportunity.

“How’d you like to join us?” I suggested.

Only a few of the women surrounding me looked surprised; Auron and Nazralind actually grinned.

Sato met this proposal with an incredulous scowl. “What?”

“Wanna come live in my castle?” I clarified. “There’s work to do, it’s not a vacation spot, but you don’t have to do banditry or kill off the competition if you don’t wanna. Fighting is the core point, but there are plenty of tasks involved in maintaining a whole-ass castle to support some conscientious objectors. You get a warm place to sleep, regular hot meals, and some proper clothes and weaponry. We’re kind of running a deficit at the moment but once we’re pulling down enough income I plan to introduce some profit-sharing measures when it comes to spoils.”

He curled his lip in a belligerent sneer. His upper canines were subtly but definitely elongated.

“Oh, sure. And you’re just gonna offer me all that out of the goodness of your little bandit heart.”

“Hell no,” I said frankly. “I intend to use you to demonstrate a political point.”

Sato’s glare morphed into a confused squint and his ears perked up, which remained offensively cute.

“I’m establishing something new,” I explained. “In a word, equality. We don’t have class or racial or gender divisions in my organization. I insist that people treat each other fairly and without prejudice. Which is easy to say, but we are still a relatively homogeneous group, so opportunities to get people used to this are kinda scarce. Sure, we’ve got a few highborn and one elf, but they’re all so single-mindedly good at making friends that it’s almost not a fair test.”

I got a couple of chuckles at that, and Adelly playfully poked Nazralind with an elbow, getting a similar jab in return.

“So you can see how you’d be a big help to me just by being around,” I said, crouching on my heels to bring my eyes closer to Sato’s level. “What I’m offering is the chance to live like everybody else, without being chased out or abused just for being who you are. I’m not gonna promise there won’t be incidents. It takes time to get people accustomed to such things. But I will promise anybody who gives you shit will be swiftly dealt with, and you’ll always have people in your corner, starting with me. So yeah, Sato, my motives aren’t entirely altruistic, but I’m selfishly offering you the best deal you’re gonna get from anybody on this island. Probably the best you could get in Dlemathlys, possibly the world. What do you say?”

His face was a little hard to read due to the sheer intensity of emotions concentrated in it. Sato’s left ear kept twitching to one side, but that could’ve meant anything.

“If it’ll sweeten the deal,” I added, “apparently Keffin’s DTF.”

Sato had a lowborn’s complexion so I couldn’t see if he was blushing, especially in this low light, but he instinctively glanced at Keffin, and then immediately below the level of her eyes. She made another pose and blew him a kiss, causing him to avert his gaze abruptly.

“To be clear, you don’t have to shag Keffin, or she you,” I clarified. “We’re big on consent and personal autonomy in this organization.”

“You people are completely crazy,” the wolf boy whispered.

“Maybe,” I agreed. “Doesn’t mean we’re wrong. Life’s like that.”

His ears swiveled back to lay flat against his skull again. “That’s just… You’re not gonna be around long, don’t you get that? You’re riling up the real powers on this island. The dark elves are already onto you.”

That made me straighten back up. “What do you mean?”

Sato seemed to think he’d said too much, hunching in on himself and staring up at me with his lips compressed into a thin line.

I regarded him in silence for a moment before deciding to try a different approach. “Well, if you’re not interested in joining up… It seems you’re in possession of information that’s relevant to my interests. How about we work out a trade?”

Up went the ears, and I suddenly found I couldn’t blame Keffin for wanting to pet them. Maybe it was for the best if wolf boy didn’t join the crew. I wasn’t sure how long I could deal with this.

Sato did not want to go inside the gates of North Watch, and forcing him to do so would hardly have been hospitable. I was trying to create a particular impression here, so I met him halfway. Even though that resulted in the lot of us standing around on the road outside the gates in the dark while the girls with me and those on watch up on the walls catcalled each other.

We were kept waiting longer than I’d expected, the reason for which becoming obvious when Minifrit emerged from the fortress along with Mimi, my designated messenger. The madam had drafted the noblewoman to serve as beast of burden, but at least Mimi looked more amused than anything as she hauled one of Kasser’s khora-transporting sleds, currently piled high with fabric and leather.

“For god’s sake, Minifrit,” I protested, “I said we needed one winter coat!”

“Oh, yes?” she drawled, smoke trailing from her lips. “And you wanted what? For Miriami to just grab something at random from the facilities team’s storeroom? Most of them were made with a specific person in mind, but luckily they’ve produced enough variety that we should find something serviceable. Honestly, how do you expect me to select a coat for someone without even knowing his size? I wouldn’t expect you to understand customer service, Lord Seiji, so kindly leave it to those of us who do. Now, you are the young man in question, I trust? Sato, was it?”

Sato gibbered something vaguely affirmative, struggling mightily and with limited success to keep his eyes above her collarbone. I got the feeling the poor guy wasn’t used to being around women. Fortunately Minifrit just seemed amused, which made sense given her history.

“Hey, don’t talk to me about customer service,” I protested as she grabbed a dark gray coat from the pile and held it up against Sato’s chest, critically examining the fit. “I worked in a game shop before I came here. In Japan.”

“You know very well I don’t have the context to understand the significance of that. Hold out your left arm, please, Sato. Hm, you have a rather small frame… But I think several of these might work. Anyway,” she added to me while selecting three other coats from the sled, “there is a difference between running a successful business and getting fired from a succession of them because you spent all your time either snapping at customers or seething at the indignity of being consigned to such labor, which is the only way I can imagine you working behind a counter.”

“Wow, you’re really convinced you’ve got my number, huh. I’ll have you know I held down that one job for over six years, and I would have kept with it until I saved enough to move to America. I’d still be there if not for…events outside my control.”

“Mmhm.”

“Didn’t you tell me once that store was owned by a friend of your father’s?” Aster said innocently, the damned traitor.

Minifrit paused in holding up another coat against Sato’s chest to give me a knowing look.

“Yes, well, that doesn’t mean—”

“Also that you got away with being an ass to customers because you were pretty sure it was…what did you call it… Either a tax dodge or a money laundering operation, right? I remember because I had to have you explain what that meant. Basically the place was deliberately run to lose money.”

“What a fascinating country this Japan must be,” Minifrit commented smugly. “Here, Sato, I believe we have a winner. Dark red should even be a decent color for camouflage, at least in this kind of khora forest. The blue one would also work for that, but it would be too baggy on you. Try this on, see how it feels.”

Sato took the coat from her and shrugged into it, eyes wide. It was a pretty standard lowborn-style work coat, deep maroon in color, with the standard wide cuffs, high collar, and knee-length hem. This one appeared to have a fleece lining that would be very handy once it started snowing.

“It’s new,” the wolf boy whispered, his ears twitching violently, and I had to control my face lest it betray sentimentality unbecoming a Dark Lord. Poor guy had never owned new clothes in his life. I could tell because this was the exact expression and tone the Gutter Rats had all had when we put them in fresh clothing.

“We are blessed with a supply of fabric and leather,” Minifrit said. “We have people working to supply winter clothing for everyone; there is enough to share. So that was probably not made by a professional tailor, but I didn’t bring out anything that isn’t serviceable. It should last for years. The leather will be stiff for a while, but it’ll soften as you wear it. And please return the next time you find something to trade for,” she added, looking him critically up and down. “Before the snow starts, ideally. Just look at the state of you, boy. You need some proper shoes at least.”

“It’s long,” Sato observed, twisting and watching the drape of his new coat flare with his movements.

“Yes, that’s the common style,” Minifrit answered. “The extra drape will help keep your legs warm. Hm…I suppose it might be an impediment moving through the khora if you’re not used to it. We don’t have many garments of highborn cut, but I could see if—”

“I like it!” Sato stepped back, protectively wrapping his arms around himself. “I… I like it. It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“Yes, thank you, Minifrit,” I agreed. “Excellent work.”

“The only kind I do,” she said, inclining her head and looking somewhat more pleased with herself than usual.

“And she was correct,” I added, turning to Sato. “Anything else you find out that I might want to know, feel free to come back and I’ll compensate you well for your time. In fact, if you want to actually come inside to do business, I’ll throw in a hot meal. Not to trade for, just to talk over. That’s just basic hospitality.”

“He’s serious,” Nazralind added when Sato looked openly skeptical. “He even feeds that horrible goblin who peddles information.”

“Naz,” I said, exasperated, “I just got finished making a point about how we don’t discriminate here. If you have problems with goblins, please keep them to yourself.”

“Hey, I have nothing of the kind!” she protested. “I’ve been shown great integrity and frankly amazing compassion by goblins, and I certainly know what it’s like to be despised and cast out by the society of this country. When I call Maugro a horrible goblin, I mean it very personally.”

“Yes, feel free to stay awhile if you do visit again,” Keffin purred, slinking up to Sato while he was distracted and winding herself around his arm in such a way that it pressed right into her bosom. “I’ll make sure to show you all our hospitality.”

Sato made a very entertaining high-pitched noise and jumped away from her.

“Heel, Keffin,” I ordered. Man, I was glad I’d left Junko in my room; her usual greeting probably would have sent the high-strung wolf boy fleeing for the horizon. I got the impression it wasn’t just girls, he didn’t seem accustomed to talking with people at all. It made sense he’d be nervous about the prospect of living in a fortress full of them, even if he wasn’t convinced we were all doomed. Speaking of which… “Sorry about her, Sato, she’s harmless. Now then, if you are satisfied with our end of the deal, shall we move on to yours?”

“Oh! Yeah. Yes, this is… It’s great.” He nodded earnestly. “Thank you. Okay, I’ll show you. The nearest one is…”

Sato edged away from the group. Sakin subtly shifted his feet, preparing to spring, and Kastrin casually reloaded her stinger with a sleeping dart, but I made a soothing gesture at them. Sato’s nervous demeanor did suggest he’d been looking for an opportunity to flee the whole way back here, but after watching him all this time I suspected he wasn’t actively planning to. He was just nervous, generally. For someone like him, accustomed to being alone in the forest, just the fact of being surrounded by armed people had to have been terrifying. Sure, he might run off on us now that he had what he wanted, but the coat wouldn’t be a huge loss in the worst case scenario. And more importantly, extending trust in this scenario was a deliberate and strategically motivated decision on my part.

Besides, between Biribo and Kastrin, the boy wasn’t going anywhere unless I chose to let him.

“That way.” Sato pointed off into the darkness. “Sorry, got a little turned around. I usually stay off the road and away from the fortress, ‘specially at night. But it’s this way.”

He stepped off the path with no more ado, the rest of us hurrying to keep up. Sato picked his way through the darkened forest floor with the ease of somebody very much accustomed to it, though with me holding up a Firelight it wasn’t that much harder for the rest of us. It didn’t take many steps to demonstrate he wasn’t trying to get away; in fact, not far in he paused to look over his shoulder and let the rest of the group catch up.

“You live in this area?” I inquired as we moved. “You have some relation to the cat tribe, then?”

Sato gave me a mistrustful look, ears swiveling backward for a moment, but he then relented. The lad seemed altogether more amenable now that he’d been treated fairly and benefited from our association. Which was good; my plan was working.

“None of the tribes want anything to do with a halfbreed. My mother was wolf tribe. Their land is south. They hunt me if I even go into their hunting grounds. Cat tribe is gentler. They’ll chase me away from their village but they don’t mind if I roam here. Not very competitive about foraging, either. The last few years, at least,” he added in a mutter, his ears flattening again. “It’s been pretty good hunting. Haven’t found out what their manners are like during a lean year. They’ve been getting more nervous since you showed up, you know,” he said accusingly. “Hunting parties yell and throw stuff if I get close to them. Used to be hunters would talk, sometimes trade. Now they’re tense, scared.”

“Well, they have nothing to fear from me,” I said lightly. “So long as they continue to mind their manners, that is. Personally I would much rather be on friendly terms with the cats, but they’re so standoffish.”

“You should tell them that,” Sato muttered.

“It’s hard to strike up a dialog with people who run away at the sight of you. And I’m concerned going too close to their village would just rile them up.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yep.”

So far, so useless. I mentally shifted the cat tribe back to my list of problems to be dealt with when the more urgent ones where settled. The cats were many steps below Lady Gray, from whom I still had not heard a peep.

Our guide didn’t take us far at all; I could still see the well-lit walls of North Watch through the khora branches when he stopped, pointing wordlessly up at the trunk of a large khora growth. I raised the Firelight, catching a glimpse of what he indicated, but that didn’t help a lot in the dimness so I dismissed it and cast a Light Beam directly at the target.

Affixed directly to the khora somewhat above arm’s reach, shaded from rain by one of its hard fan-like growths, was some manner of totem. It took me a few seconds of puzzled staring to recognize that the main piece was the skull plate of one of those shellback animals that were hunted around here. I had not seen one in person, but they were used for meat and akornin. On it was painted in vivid blue pigment an elaborate sigil which, thanks to my Blessing of Wisdom, I found I could read despite not even knowing what language it was in. Actually it was more reminiscent of a kanji than the alphabetic script the Fflyr used: the symbol could mean “protection” or “warning” depending on context. Long, colorful feathers had been affixed to the skull in a fan-like arrangement hanging downward from it.

“Aw, balls,” Sakin muttered.

“What am I looking at?” I demanded.

“That, boss, is a Shylver totem,” Biribo explained. “The local dark elves use them to communicate with the beastfolk without having to actually talk to them. They’re secretive and standoffish people, but also an elf is an elf and elves generally won’t lower themselves to consort with whoever they think is beneath them. No offense, Naz.”

“None taken,” she shrugged. “When you’re right, you’re right.”

“I’ve seen totems like this before,” said Sakin. “They mark off areas the dark elves don’t want the beast tribes going near.”

“There’s more of ‘em,” said Sato, pointing off into the darkness. “If you go through the khora in the daylight and look carefully, you’ll see them. They make a ring around your fortress.”

I drew in a long breath, letting it hiss through my teeth. “So…this means…”

“Boy was right, boss,” Biribo said seriously. “The dark elves know we’re here, and they don’t want anybody messing with us. Probably because they’re still deciding how they want to proceed. One thing’s sure, though: they are watching.”