Pixiu Restaurant, No Way Out

Tonight, Jia Suzhen didn’t sing on stage, nor did she go out to serve customers. Instead, she stood in a corner, silently observing Wu Zu. She was paying special attention to his movements and expressions, in order to judge whether he was satisfied with tonight’s meal.

Even if Pi Xiu noticed this, he said nothing. However, some of the Monkey Spirits were moved by the romantic drama they were witnessing, and stirred by emotions, they sighed: “What meaning does love have in this world? That it can make one pledge one’s life for it?”

“You all, snap out of it. To become an adult, you’ll need to evolve for hundreds of millions of years.” Ren Jiao vaguely said, as he took a cigarette to his mouth. “To fall in love, you all must save money first. If you don’t have money, where will you find a female monkey who might become interested in you?”

Hou Er replied: “My online dating partners are not like that! They are willing to fight for me.”

“Online dating ‘experts’ cannot be part of this discussion. Next, please.” Ren Jiao indifferently said.

Hou Er, the online dating expert, had some experience with social networks and forums such as Zhongheng, Weibo, QQ, WeChat as well as Baidu. However, for his avatars, he puts pictures of handsome European and American male models. Along with all the privileges that come with having multiple VIP profiles, he can even chat with multiple people as he plays games.

Qiu Fu had repeatedly asked Hou Er for advice on how to flirt with women, but he was only able to grasp the superficial aspects and not the real meaning behind it. Hou Er commented that Qiu Fu’s appearance lacked charisma, and his brain was not sharp enough, so he should wait for his family to arrange for him a blind date with a Fox Spirit.

Upon seeing that the kitchen had almost finished its work, Pi Xiu washed his hands and said: “I’ll go upstairs first. Call me if you need anything.”

“Hey!” Ren Jiao shouted and tilted his chin up towards the steaming rooster soup in the pot: “The rooster soup is ready for you to take to Wen Xi for him to drink.”

Pi XIu waved his hand: “No need, you guys can have it. His soul body can resist my Yang energy now, so he doesn’t need to drink rooster soup anymore.”

“He doesn’t need it anymore?” Hou Si felt a little nervous. “But what are we going to do about all the roosters in the backyard?! I’ve been sweeping up rooster shit every day for the past few days. I’m afraid of roosters already.”

Pi Xiu thought for a moment, then said: “We can buy more hens and make them lay more eggs to hatch chicks. Let these roosters get a taste of what it feels like to be a parent before they die. It would also be convenient for us, as we won’t need to buy chickens again in the future.”

Ren Jiao: “…..”

Monkey Spirits: “…..”

Merely hearing this brute’s words was enough to make the Star Officials of the Pleiades Constellation want to scream1.

Pi Xiu opened the door to walk towards the stairs. When he passed by Jia Suzhen, he couldn’t help, but stop and say: “Stop looking at him. The more you look, the worse you’ll feel. Why bother?”

Jia Suzhen shook her head: “I don’t feel bad, I’m happy for Mr. Wu. As the reincarnation of the ‘Star of Literature and Composition2‘, he shouldn’t get involved with lowly people like me.” Jia Suzhen’s gaze darkened for a few seconds. At the same time she muttered: “If only I was also born into a respectable family….”

“You shouldn’t look at it that way. In modern times, Opera singers are called ‘artists’. It’s not the same as what it was in ancient times.” Pi Xiu said, took a pause, and thought to himself: ‘The treatment this new society has towards artists has nothing to do with the Female Ghost in front of me who will be reincarnated before long. Why am I saying these useless words of encouragement?’

Pi Xiu frowned, and pondered: ‘Has spending too much time with the little thing influenced me? Am I turning into someone of excessive kindness?’

‘Damn it! My reputation will crumble.’

With this in mind, Pi Xiu stopped talking, headed straight for the stairs and went upstairs to reflect on himself. Once upstairs, he parted the beaded curtain, and entered the second floor. However, as soon as he arrived, Pi Xiu found a pile of books cluttered on the sofa, while Wen Xi sat cross-legged on the floor with a book in his lap, endlessly flipping through the pages.

“What are you doing?” Pi Xiu walked over and leaned down to pick Wen Xi up into his arms. “Didn’t you say you’ve been feeling cold lately? What are you doing sitting on the floor?”

Wen Xi secured the book in his arm and hugged Pi Xiu by the shoulders so as not to fall: “I’m looking for a name for Lil Broom. As his father, you should be looking too.”

“Why look? I’ll just call him Pi Facai3 and that’s it. It’s an auspicious name, it brings fortune, and it also expresses his father’s life wish.” Pi Xiu waved his hand, and the scattered books on the sofa piled up on the side at once, freeing up the space on the sofa.

Wen Xi frowned: “That won’t do. It doesn’t sound cultured at all.”

Lil Broom nodded frantically: “It, it s-sounds b-bad!”

“Then let him be called ‘Pi Kaqiu4‘. That electric rat is popular these days. Besides, it’s a foreign name, so it has some culture behind it.” Pi Xiu took the Kangxi Dictionary5 from Wen Xi’s hands, looked at it, and couldn’t help but frown. He looked just like the meme of the old man looking at his phone in the subway6.

Pi Xiu: “What are all these characters? Do Humans really use these for names?”

The strokes of the characters twisted and curved, like earthworms bending together, giving the illusion that these intricate characters were like drawings.

“What’s wrong with it?” Wen Xi asked. “Don’t focus on the complicated strokes of the characters, but on their deep meanings. One look at any of these characters, and you can tell that the owner of such a name is a cultured person.”

Pi Xiu shook his head, and said: “No, that won’t do. Every time Lil Broom gets into a fight, his class teacher makes him copy his own name hundreds of times. If he has such a complicated name to write, imagine how hard it will be for Ren Jiao to copy the name, he would have to take the whole night. Then, how will he be able to work the next day?”

Wen Xi wasn’t happy: “If you have so many objections, then tell me what name you will give to him.”

“If Pi Facai doesn’t work, then Pi Jubao7.” When Pi Xiu saw that Wen Xi was about to object again, Pi Xiu hastened to say: “I do not accept any opposing opinions. If I say this one will be, this one will be.”

Lil Broom, hearing this, threw down his pen: “No! I h-hate i-it! I w-won’t go t-to s-school if y-you g-give me th-that n-name!”

“You can’t, the school tuition has already been paid so you can’t skip school.” At that moment, Pi Xiu’s eyes sparkled as he stared at Lil Broom and said: “When your final exams are over, I’ll let Ren Jiao take you on a vacation to the sea.”

Lil Broom muttered under his breath: “I c-can go w-without him ta-taking me.”

Pi Xiu: “Go on your own? Don’t you remember what happened to Jingwei, daughter of Emperor Yan? When she was alive, her speech was so beautiful and soft, but when she sneaked away to go play in the water, she ended up drowning, becoming the Jingwei bird. Now the poor thing can’t even say anything, but repeat ‘Jingwei, Jingwei’ like a broken record. What, do you also want to become a broken record like her?”

Lil Broom was silent: ‘I already have trouble speaking fluently, so if I become someone who can only repeat one word, won’t I be even more miserable?’

Pi Xiu continued in a heavy tone: “For this reason, you must never ever go to the sea alone. You’re also not allowed to go swimming in the river, did you hear?”

“If I were Emperor Yan, I would be so angry that I would jump out of my grave upon hearing what you just said.”

All of a sudden, the window on the second floor was opened, and Queen Mother of the West broke in from outside. As she had brought in some of the hot summer breeze, Pi Xiu frowned immediately.

Queen Mother of the West said: “Jingwei’s accident was clearly the karmic outcome arranged by the Way of Heaven. How can that tragic story become the same as the case of a child swimming without permission in the river in summer?”

Pi Xiu’s face darkened: “You need not meddle with my way of raising children.”

Queen Mother of the West shrugged her shoulders, and smiled at Wen Xi, who was next to Pi Xiu: “Long time no see.”

Wen Xi nodded politely: “Long time no see.” Wen Xi stood up, and said: “Let me pour you a cup of tea.”

“Oh, I’ve visited this place many times, but this is the first time I’ve been offered a cup of tea.” The Queen Mother of the West sighed as she sat down on the sofa. “Indeed, the hospitality is different when there’s a wife taking care of the house.”

Pi Xiu looked at her, and said to Lil Broom: “Go downstairs and go play with your Uncle Ren Jiao.”

“But, but I ha-have t-to d-do h-homework….”

Pi Xiu: “You’ve been doing homework for an hour and you’ve only written a couple of words. If you really want to finish homework, then stay and do it. Otherwise, you can go and play.”

As soon as he heard these words, Lil Broom threw down the pen and ran away, even ignoring Wen Xi’s shouts telling him to stop.

“If he doesn’t do his homework properly, what will happen when his teacher scolds him tomorrow and have you called in, as his father?” Wen Xi placed the tea kettle in front of the Queen Mother of the West, and said: “Sorry for the sideshow.”

Pi Xiu shrugged his shoulders: “I’ll let Ren Jiao go for me. Lil Broom’s teacher is Nezha, he has experience dealing with sea creatures.”

“He’d have to do his homework anyway.” Wen Xi frowned. “I’ve been browsing the internet today, and found out that you also need an education to get into the Sanitation Department to work.”

The Queen Mother of the West looked at Wen Xi, then at Pi Xiu, unable to find the right moment to intervene in their conversation, so she merely sipped her tea. With a single sip, the Queen Mother of the West realized that the tea she drank still retained the taste of the tea leaves, which moved her in such a way that it made her reluctant to continue drinking.

“Forget about it. Go downstairs, see if there’s something to eat and bring me some.”

Pi Xiu dismissed Wen Xi, and once he was no longer present, Pi Xiu turned to see the Queen Mother of the West: “Why did you come looking for me?”

“Look at this.” The Queen Mother of the West took out a folder and threw it in front of him. She lit a cigarette, held it between her fingers, and said: “It’s the medical report of the Human you harmed today.”

Pi Xiu looked at the folder and said: “He’s in a pretty miserable state.”

The Queen Mother of the West interrupted him: “That’s not the point. Look at the last page.”

“There are old wounds on his body, as well as multiple burn scars.” Pi Xiu raised an eyebrow. “There are two traces of demonic energies, one of which is too weak to be traced. The other…..”

Suddenly, Pi Xiu’s face turned grim as he read the word ‘Feiyi8’.

The Feiyi demon is a sign of drought, and drought brings scorching heat to the world. In his current state, with a body that suffers from uncontrollable burning heat, that kind of Demon was the last one Pi Xiu would want to come across.

The Queen Mother of the West exhaled a puff of smoke, and said: “I haven’t seen a Feiyi in many years. We searched for it when the weather had become too dry and hot, but we couldn’t find any traces, so we simply assumed they had become extinct.”

“How could it become extinct?” Pi Xiu scoffed. “Doesn’t it depend on the Way of Heaven whether something exists or ceases to exist?”

Pi Xiu brushed aside the medical report in his hand and said: “Have you found its location? Once we find it, I’ll kill it. If we wait until the canicular9 period comes, it will be harder to get rid of it.”

The Queen Mother of the West, however, looked at Pi Xiu and asked: “By this period, as you have done in previous years, you would have already gone to take refuge from the heat in the mountains. However, this year, you’re still here at the Restaurant. Have you been in good condition recently?”

“I have the little one with me, so I’m doing well.” At the thought of Wen Xi, Pi Xiu couldn’t help but smile. “Even when he realized that I had deliberately pushed him away, he didn’t ask any further questions either. He’s quite understanding.”

“I’m glad that you’re fine, but in this case, you don’t need to get involved with Feiyi. In your current state, I would certainly not dare to let you be in contact with Feiyi. In case something happens, we would all get into trouble.” The Queen Mother of the West put the folder back into her sleeve, and said: “Just so you know, he wouldn’t come looking for trouble with you for no reason. You should pay more attention to your surroundings.”

Pi Xiu raised an eyebrow: “What do you mean ‘for no reason’? Wasn’t he personally sent by that Master of his, that narrow-minded Yazi10? Besides, regardless of Feiyi, even if Yazi were to come in person, I wouldn’t be afraid.”

“You may not be afraid for yourself, but what about the little Ghost by your side?” The Queen Mother of the West rubbed her forehead. “Yazi can’t do anything to you, but that doesn’t mean he can’t do anything to that little Ghost.”

Pi Xiu was silent for a moment before saying: “Yazi wouldn’t dare.”

“You can’t be a hundred percent sure.” The Queen Mother of the West stood up and said: “If he really doesn’t dare, why would he send someone to your Restaurant to cause trouble? In any case, it’s always good to be cautious.”

Pi Xiu irritably rubbed his hair: “I understand.” He looked at the Queen Mother of the West and said an unusual ‘thanks’.

The Queen Mother of the West was stunned: “You have really changed.” She smiled, and continued: “Since there are two traces of demonic energy, if we find out who the second energy belongs to, you will be the first one I will tell. But let me tell you this, I heard the Jade Emperor say that he sensed some Dragon energy, so the possibility of it being Yazi is quite high.”

Pi Xiu nodded: “I see.”

Not long after the Queen Mother of the West left, Wen Xi arrived with a bowl of spring onion mixed with tofu, raw fresh vegetables, and black bean sauce. Pi Xiu closed his eyes and leaned back on the sofa, only to hear the footsteps stop at his side. Then, the cold body pressed against his own.

Wen Xi reached out and gently massaged Pi Xiu’s temples. With a frown, Wen Xi asked: “Your body is hot again, what pissed you off now?”