Psychological Control

She seemed to have fallen backwards, the narrow edge of the roof combined with the slippery rain made it more than twice as difficult with her high heels.

I didn't restrict myself to a normal walking position in order to maintain my balance, knowing that a compulsory leaning of my hands against the side of my legs would only make for a stiff and unorthodox stride.

But as I faced parallel to the ground, without a second to spare I slowly stretched my arms and took my first steps with my legs straightened out on the wall.

With my denim coat and my hair wet from the rain and hanging down from gravity, I knew the image on the monitor might not look so good, but all I could do was try to keep my posture balanced and keep my feet on the 'ground' one step at a time.

As I focused my mind was empty, the cheers of the crowd and the rain that filled my ears faded away, only the crew member on the ground waiting to catch me and the camera beside him were in my sight. Nina had been left far behind by the speed at which I was walking, and was still dangling in mid-air when I was still a few metres from the ground.

I know she lost her balance several times in quick succession, and the thirteen centimetre heels were like walking a canoe on stilts on her feet. To be honest, I don't think such a challenge is designed to be any more ornamental, but whether the show is designed to howl or to supposedly test the model's mettle is none of my business.

Upon landing, there were three screens in front of them blocking the view of the audience, where the stylists were allowed to adjust the models' hair again and remove their soaked denim jackets to reveal the outfits that needed to be shown inside. Nina's few mistakes added to the breathing time for me.

Nina was one of the only female models I interacted with during my interactions at the Supermodel House. But even so, I don't let the performance of anyone around me, even Chris, who I already know well, affect my work.

Once Nina had also stumbled down to the ground and taken off the safety harness in her denim jacket to get ready, with the staff directing us, Nina and I lifted the curtain and walked around the screen in front of us onto the formal catwalk.

In fact, walking as a male model is not too different from walking as long as you don't sway too much, hold your head up and show confidence when walking, look straight ahead and then walk in a straight line as fast as you can, that's all you need. The point is confidence.

Nina looks slender but is very strong inside, and a few slips in mid-air didn't throw her off her game on the runway. But even so, her modelling stride was lacking in poise because she was too thin.

It was pouring rain, but the wind that came with it really helped. The wind blew the ends of both our hair and our coats, and Nina's unsteady pace made her look wobbly.

The second group was Alice and Chris, whom both Nina and I knew well. Chris's was too stiff in the suspension, lifting his hands too high for balance, his eyes listless and clearly a bit out of play. Alice, on the other hand, was as strong as ever, and although she also lost out in the suspension on her heels, when she landed on the ground to actually walk, the strong wind that accompanied the downpour blew her hair with aplomb.

If Nina walking with me would have made her lose much of her colour in comparison, Chris and Alice's walk was a strong one with Alice grabbing everyone's attention.

The third group was Ashton and Gianna. Ashton was suspended in the air like a proud swan, his stride raised high on his neck as if he were on the ground. Gianna's modeling steps on the flat did not add to her impression in the audience's mind.

Group 4, Dan & Cheryl. Dan's mid-air walk was practically bent into a bow because of his fear of heights, and he looked a little weird leaning back too far. Cheryl even screamed out of fear. The performance of this group looked poor.

They were followed by Mike and Alyssa in group five, Jamie and Rena in group six... After the two groups that failed to perform, Jamie and Rena finally ignited the interest of the audience.

Rena, who has competed in beauty pageants, surprisingly took more impressive steps in the suspension than Ashton, ethereal with the determination of each step taken. I could see Alice looking at this group with a very cold, hard expression. Because they are both female models, she and Rena are bound to be arch rivals.

Jamie's performance could only be described as normal, but he didn't let Rena, who was much smaller than him, steal his thunder.

The seventh and final group, Marvin and Bianca. Bianca gave up trying to walk as soon as she was suspended in the middle of the building because she slipped several times and started to let herself pose as the rope lowered her. This little cleverness was the opposite of cleverness.

It was a challenge and the challenge wasn't about how good you were at walking on a flat surface, it was to see if you could overcome your fears in the middle of the suspension and try as hard as you could to show your confidence.

So, in the end, the cameras were focused on Marvin. I always felt as if Marvin, a boy born in the slums, had a heavenly blessing as he was slowly suspended, keeping his pace as steady as possible, walking slowly but surprisingly maintaining a perfect ninety degree walk to the ground along the way.

His modeling stride, while not spectacular, was not a lost cause, and his performance in the challenge added greatly to his score.

At the end of the challenge, the models were gathered together to face the four judges to await the scoring of the challenge and to choose a best performer.

This best performer would receive a prize, a key to the Taylor Suite. The winner of the Taylor Suite can choose a companion to stay with them and the suite includes a King Size bed as well as a Guess cloakroom. It'll give you a new lease of life.

"I can't believe you all made it! In such harsh conditions, it's impressive," Taylor said, making another dispensable opening statement. The challenge score was one third of the criteria for grading in the next round of eliminations. To forfeit the challenge would be to declare an automatic withdrawal.

"Good words," Rob chimed in, "but there are two people here who are doing very poorly and make me beg to differ."

Rob's words made most people's expressions heavy for a moment. As I was the first group to finish the show, I watched each of the remaining groups' performances. Although I wasn't going to get the best performance, I definitely wouldn't be described as awful.

Likewise, Alice and Rena were just as composed. These two girls are very confident in what they are good at and learning to self-assess is how you determine if you are qualified or not at the same thing.

Rob announced the names of the two next. "Mike and Bianca. Bianca, you look like you've completely given up trying and let them put you down. Again, Mike your steps were too stiff. At a catwalk show you're supposed to be confident because you're showing off your clothes."

Taylor continued, "And here are two standout performers too, Marvin and Rena." Taylor praised their catwalk poses in the hang for reasons not dissimilar to what I observed.

In the end, the best performance fell to Rena. Although the two were neck and neck, however Rena's high heels added a well-deserved number of difficulty points to her performance.

It was late at night when the challenge ended and the models boarded the bus to head towards the supermodel house. Chris' eyebrows knitted together as I pulled out one of my newly purchased psychology books on the bus once again.

"Brian, not only might you get carsick from reading on the bus, you'll get nearsighted!" His tone was a little cold, but implied reproach and concern.

"Hahahaha...Chris, since when did you become Brian's mum? We always thought nerdy Brian was the one who changed your nappy!" The pressure of the game had weighed on the otherwise jovial crowd and seemingly to vent the pressure, Dan began to get up in no uncertain terms.

Chris was already at odds with Marvin's brotherhood, and Dan, who was originally a black rapper with a lot of nasty things to say, stood up in a huff when he started to taunt me from calling me a nerd to something even nastier. He rushed forward and was about to yank Dan up by the collar of his shirt.

I've always been a quiet person and herd animals have never been in my nature. But with Chris and Dan's antics happening right in front of me, I couldn't ignore them.

I stood up and grabbed Chris's hand with one hand and tugged him back, while the other hand made a shushing gesture over my mouth.

After a few seconds of staring at each other, Chris managed to give in to my assertiveness and turned around to sit down.

However, I had overlooked another cause of the incident. Seeing this development, Dan became even more arrogant and uncontrollable, and he poked Phil as if to get him to join him in his antics.

Pointing at Chris, he began to shout, "Yo, good boy Chris, you're a good boy! I wonder if the mum and baby who couldn't find a bed to sleep in last night found somewhere to breastfeed?"

Among models, both male and female, there is more or less a dark tide written in secret. When America's Next Top Model was originally limited to girls only, it was never uncommon for the supermodel house to be torn apart. Among male models, it's not uncommon either.

The mix of a group of bloodthirsty boys living with a group of beautiful girls, the boys' natural desire to behave and get the girls' attention, and the pressure of the modelling competition made it harder for even the already grumpy ones to suppress their tempers.

Maybe Dan was jealous of Chris' natural physical attributes, or maybe Dan and Chris just don't have the same aura. In any case, Dan's words were meant to be sarcastic to Chris and me, but they inadvertently pissed off a lot of people.

Not only did Ashton stand up and argue with him over the homophobic comment, but even Jamie, who didn't see eye to eye with Chris, couldn't help but stand up for me. Mike, who was down in the dumps over the challenge results, also took an interest in the matter.

Even Nina and Alice, in the pile of girls in the front compartment, stood up to watch the commotion.

Not to mention Chris, who couldn't hold back any longer and rushed up to choke Dan. I don't know what the consequences of a fight at America's Next Top Model are, the worst of which could be a mandatory withdrawal penalty. If Dan is to stop provoking Chris, he needs to learn to shut up.

I know that with people like that, backing down will never solve things. As Marvin and Phil both blocked Chris and pulled Dan with one each, I stood up.

Dan's mouth was still full of noise and Marvin obviously thought I was standing up to help him pull Chris back, but instead I swept right past Marvin, who was blocking Chris, and walked towards Dan and Phil.

Phil saw me approaching and subconsciously turned his back on the shouting Dan and faced me with his hand outstretched to block my approach. But since being unlucky enough to be the subject of a newspaper article three years ago, and previously hanging out in a somewhat chaotic club that turned into Brian, I had signed up for a hobby class that taught basic self-defence and had actually learned something in two years.

My pace remained the same as I stepped forward and reached out and grabbed Phil's wrist and twisted it backwards, he let out a cry of pain and was pinned against the carriage wall. No one reacted for a moment, not even Dan who took the brunt of the blow.

Before Dan could react, I picked him up by his collar and tripped under his feet. He fell onto the car seat with his weight unbalanced and my knee extended to press against his chest tilting the weight of half of his body and restraining him underneath.

"Listen to what I'm saying, boy." I had only intended to drop harsh words to keep him honest, but in this moment I felt an uncontrollable coldness flood through me.

I paused, but my eyes couldn't help but fall straight to the nape of Dan's neck. With difficulty I looked away and looked him straight in the eye, "Don't try to trample on my patience limits, Dan. There are consequences to fighting in the All-American Supermodel competition, and I don't think it's going to be candy at least. And I don't want to add to my unnecessary expenses by fronting you medical bills."

"Hey! Brian!!!"

My deathly twisted hand on Dan's arm was broken by Marvin and Chris with great force, and they teamed up to set me up away from Dan. My mind went blank. I sat back in the car seat closing my eyes and exhaling slowly under Ashton's reassurance, the only sounds I could hear in my ears were the gasps and screams of the panicked atmosphere of Dan who had been arrogant and smug only moments before.

"Maniac!!! He's simply insane!" Dan's screams were so loud that even the bus driver couldn't help but stop the car to check.

Marvin and Phil could only pull him along and persuade him to be quiet, however to little avail. I could clearly hear Dan's incoherent words reaching my ears.

"Did you guys see his eyes, I bet he tried to kill me for a split second! Say...maybe the fucking mental hospital let him out without curing him! A violent maniac like that should be banned from the game!!!"

"Shut up, Dan!" Even Marvin rebuked out at Dan's too offensive words.

I knew I had been impulsive, but the pressure of finally letting some of it out made me feel incredibly good. I had originally restrained Dan to show him that I wasn't just a sheep who wouldn't say anything.

However, as I had him under full control, I looked at his throat and couldn't contain the demon buried inside me, the bloodthirsty urge filling my head... I could only keep telling myself, mentally imploring myself, to calm that desire down...

I finally knew why most serial killers can't resist killing animals before they actually do it. The reason is that only the moment of seeing blood can ease the pain of not being able to satisfy their desire to kill.

Brian's original bloodthirsty delusions, which I had forgotten little by little through self-hypnotic suggestion during the three years of convalescence, all came out at once, and that fantasy was so real, so real that I almost lost control.