SOURCE OF CALAMITY CH 090 UNTYING THE HEART KNOT PART 1

The lights at home were on, and Shen Zhen breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it downstairs.

After feeling upset at the beginning, he kept feeling worried that Qin Xing would return to the Qin family manor on the way back.

Although he was the one who said “we both need to calm down”, if Qin Xing really left, he would likely feel even more upset.

Shen Zhen went up in the elevator. The temperature had risen rapidly recently. Shen Zhen walked briefly outside and broke into a thin sweat and he felt a little sticky all over his body. After opening the door, Shen Zhen did not see Qin Xing in the living room and he tensed up instantly.

Did Qin Xing just forget to turn off the lights before he left?

Shen Zhen regretted it. He felt that he was too impulsive before. He pursed his lips tightly, his face pale and his eyes bloodshot. He unconsciously slowed down when he walked, as if in this way, he could put off learning that Qin Xing had left.

He suddenly found that the apartment was so empty.

An apartment of about 200 square meters was too deserted to live alone.

If two people lived together, it seemed there would not be this feeling.

Shen Zhen laughed at himself, hadn’t he lived like that enough?

In his last life, he also hoped to live in a bigger place, instead of staying in a small room that was too small to even turn around.

At that time, he could only live in a partition room on the construction site. Because Qin Yue had made sure of it, the room he lived in could not even be called a room.

It was just a temporary makeshift room in a narrow corner.

Barely enough room to put down a bed and nothing else.

He didn’t choose to go to the bedroom to see, Shen Zhen went directly to the bathroom. He turned on the tap, splashed cold water on his face, and looked at himself in the mirror.

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked.

Even if Qin Xing was unwilling to disclose their relationship for the rest of their life, he could bear it.

So long as Qin Xing could stay by his side for the rest of his life.

It was just a matter of formality.

Why did he care so much?

Shen Zhen smiled mockingly to himself.

He didn’t want Qin Xing to just stay by his side for a short time, it seemed that the more he thought about it, the less secure he felt.

If Qin Xing wasn’t the head of the Qin family and didn’t have so much wealth, it would have been nice if the two of them were just ordinary people.

This way there would be more caution when making any decision.

It would be even better if Qin Xing didn’t have a job and couldn’t earn money. He could always support Qin Xing, supporting him with his own hard work.

Shen Zhen was taken aback by himself.

He took a step back, and so did the him in the mirror.

So it turned out that he also had such an extreme possessiveness?

Shen Zhen wiped his face. Even if Qin Xing left now, he would go to the Qin family manor overnight and find Qin Xing no matter what.

His emotional world was so barren that he could be called destitute, and Qin Xing was the only person he couldn’t lose.

Standing in the living room, Shen Zhen poured a glass of water, but his hands trembled involuntarily, and he squatted down slowly.

“What are you doing?” Qin Xing’s voice came from the bedroom door.

Shen Zhen raised his head slowly, his eyes widened in disbelief, and he stared straight at Qin Xing. His eyes were bloodshot, and his gaze when looking at Qin Xing was even a little terrifying.

But Qin Xing smiled at Shen Zhen as if he didn’t see it and said, “What’s the matter? Still unhappy? Come here, Uncle will hug you.”

Shen Zhen finished standing up and running over in almost a second. He was still trembling when he threw himself into Qin Xing’s arms. He hugged Qin Xing’s waist tightly and said almost pleadingly: “There’s no need to make it public, if you don’t want to, we can just keep it secret.”

“It doesn’t matter even if you don’t make it public for the rest of our lives.”

His pride made him swallow the last words:

As long as you don’t leave me.

Qin Xing gently patted and stroked Shen Zhen’s back. With a soft and soothing tone, as if coaxing a child, he said softly: “You ran away before I finished speaking, and now you are back acting like a baby.”

Shen Zhen looked up at him.

Qin Xing’s heart softened into a puddle of water. He kissed the tip of Shen Zhen’s nose and said with a smile, “I thought you were going to cry.”

Shen Zhen turned his head away.

Qin Xing: “You’re not angry?”

Shen Zhen buried his face in Qin Xing’s shoulder, and said in a muffled voice, “I’m not angry.”

Qin Xing embraced Shen Zhen’s shoulders, and said softly, “I just said not to make it public during these few years.”

“Your foundation hasn’t become firm enough.” Qin Xing bit Shen Zhen’s ear lightly, “You can predict what the outside world will say about you, right?”

Shen Zhen: “What else can they say about me, the most they can say is that I’m a gold-digger who climbed into your bed for a higher status.”

Qin Xing sighed: “It will be even worse.”

Shen Zhen closed his eyes and said, “I don’t care.”

Qin Xing touched Shen Zhen’s hair, with doting and helplessness on his face: “Xiao Zhen, you won’t be able to endure it.”

His Xiao Zhen possessed a self-esteem that surpassed ordinary people since he was a child, but because of the environmental constraints, he could only seal himself in a small space, and maintain his precarious self-esteem in this space.

Maybe if they made it public, Shen Zhen could indeed bear the gossip and slander.

But whether he was hurt or not, and how upset he was, he would just swallow it down with his blood, pretending that everything was fine and nothing happened.

Qin Xing held Shen Zhen like holding fragile porcelain. The higher self-esteem a person had, the easier it was to be hurt and suffer a blow.

Shen Zhen had his own resilience, but as his lover, he hoped that Shen Zhen could live a smoother life.

When Shen Zhen stood on a high place, gossip and slander could not easily hurt him again.

Shen Zhen hugged Qin Xing, and neither of them spoke again.

Since Qin Xing showed up, Shen Zhen knew what it was like to be home.

Although there was Mama Zhang before, Shen Zhen always felt that Mama Zhang was an elder, and one that was slightly distant.

Because Mama Zhang positioned herself as a nanny, no matter how deep her affection for Shen Zhen was, it would not show on the surface.

But after Qin Xing came to live with him, they would watch TV together and talk about current affairs together. Qin Xing would cook and clean the house, Shen Zhen would help Qin Xing when he was busy, eat home-cooked food, and do intimate things at night, without any barriers, and without secrets.

“Let’s go to sleep.” Qin Xing suddenly squatted down in front of Shen Zhen, “I’ll carry you to the bedroom.”

Shen Zhen laughed out loud: “You won’t be able to carry me on your back.”

Qin Xing turned his head, and there was a young man’s unconvinced expression on his face. He said, “I’m not old yet.”

Shen Zhen couldn’t help it now, and finally burst out laughing, and then climbed onto Qin Xing’s back.

Qin Xing carried Shen Zhen to the bedroom, then let go and let Shen Zhen fall onto the bed.

The mattress was so soft that Shen Zhen even bounced twice when he fell on it.

Just when Shen Zhen was about to sit up, Qin Xing suddenly turned around and pressed him down. The two faced each other, nose to nose. Qin Xing’s face was very close and Shen Zhen, who hadn’t blushed for a long time, flushed from his face down to his neck and up his ears, looking like a big apple.

Qin Xing looked at Shen Zhen intently, and said with a gentle and serious tone: “Xiao Zhen, you can’t always escape.”

Shen Zhen was stunned.

Qin Xing grabbed Shen Zhen’s hand and kissed the back of it.

“We are two independent individuals. There will always be conflicts. When two people live together, there will always be many trivial things. Some things may make you feel unhappy.”

“At times like this, we should speak out openly and honestly, instead of being sullen and unwilling to face it, escaping outside, and then coming back pretending that nothing happened, only to continue to repeat this all over.”

“Xiao Zhen, you are no longer alone.”

Shen Zhen looked at Qin Xing in a daze. He lay there motionless, and a tear fell from the corner of his eye and down to the quilt, and quickly disappeared, leaving only a small wet spot behind.

Qin Xing lowered his head and kissed the corner of Shen Zhen’s eyes. His voice was full of tenderness: “Xiao Zhen, you are still young, I won’t be angry no matter what you do, I will lead you.”

Shen Zhen put his arms around Qin Xing’s neck, with a smile on his face, but his voice trembled: “How long will you lead me?”

Qin Xing put Shen Zhen’s hand on his chest, without speaking. Shen Zhen could feel the beating of Qin Xing’s heart.

Qin Xing said: “Until the second my life stops.”

Shen Zhen finally couldn’t help it, and covered his face with his hands, tears pouring down without warning.

When Qin Yue betrayed him, he didn’t cry.

When Su Shiqing snatched Qin Yue away, he didn’t cry either.

He didn’t cry when he was kicked out of the house by the Shen family and was treated unfairly on the construction site.

Even when he died, he didn’t cry.

But at this moment, he finally couldn’t bear it anymore.

He always thought that no one loved him, weak familial affection, disappearing friendship, romantic love that would never touch him.

“Why are you acting like a baby again?” Although Qin Xing said such words, he still hugged Shen Zhen tightly.

Shen Zhen’s heart was too bitter, and he never had a way to vent it, probably because he insisted on the belief that “a man doesn’t cry easily”. But in truth there was another phrase following that, “not unless he reaches a point of sadness”.

“Why is your mouth so sweet?” Shen Zhen said in a choked voice. He wiped his face, pushed Qin Xing away and stood up. He turned his head to prevent Qin Xing from seeing how embarrassed he was, and said in a hurry: “After walking around outside, I’m sweating, so I’ll take a shower first.”

Qin Xing lay on the bed with arms spread, and said, “Go, don’t forget to do the preparations beforehand.”

Shen Zhen didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Qin Xing said again: “Just kidding, we won’t do it today.”

Shen Zhen walked into the bathroom, turned on the shower, and the hot water poured down on him, making his whole body refreshed.

He lowered his head, thinking about something, and he smiled as he thought about it.

Maybe all his bad luck before was in return for being able to be with Qin Xing.

Thinking about it this way, the pain he suffered before seemed not to be that serious anymore.

After drying off the water on his body, Shen Zhen returned to the bedroom.

Qin Xing was already lying under the quilt. Shen Zhen took off his bathrobe, got in too, and hugged Qin Xing’s waist.

Compared with making love, he preferred the feeling of doing nothing and just being close, touching skin.

There seemed to be no sense of distance, intimacy and honesty between each other.

Before sleeping, Qin Xing said to Shen Zhen: “When you are twenty-five years old, we will have a wedding, is that okay?”

Shen Zhen now felt that formalities were not that important, so he said softly, “Okay.”

While closing his eyes, Shen Zhen’s hand and Qin Xing’s hand clasped tightly under the quilt.

Shen Zhen’s eyes closed slightly, and he suddenly understood what it meant by “time was beautiful and moving”.

He used to feel like a bird on the way of migration, with no place to land. The scenery he saw belonged to others, and what he felt were their emotions while he was only full of pain, revenge and impulse. He clearly longed to go to a warm place, but the only thing that could be felt countless times was the biting cold wind.

Now he was finally welcomed into the house, the cold wind was shut out, the house was warm and bright, and his resentment and grief were finally silently wiped away.

He felt that he was more like a hedgehog now, spikes all over his body pointing out at outsiders, but hiding Qin Xing under his soft belly.