Starting a Night Shift Part-time Job at a Convenience Store.

By the time I was done divulging all the details, the train had made a stop at the destination station. Afterward, I was led by Kinoshita down a deserted footpath between rice fields that I didn’t recognize.

“I see…”

“No other factors were responsible for Hyuga’s suicide… It was me, the culprit in her death.”

“But it’s a stretch for me… to think that Hyuga would kill herself solely over a fight with you. Because, Masa, you didn’t tell her to die, right?”

At this, I cast my eyes down and bit my lip. Yeah… I didn’t tell her to die or to jump off the roof.

“But I did hurt her with those awful things I said to her.”

The face of Hyuga in my recollection, brought back to me through clairvoyance, was still etched in my mind. At the words I shot out, she became motionless as if her heart had been crushed, and consequently, she lost her voice. I made her cry.

The one who cracked up laughing all the time was crying and was left alone on the rooftop.

“Even though I didn’t tell her to die, the words I hurled at her might have been equivalent to the meaning of ‘death’ to her.”

Even if I did not bear such an intention in mind, each person’s perspective on the event varied substantially. The words spewed from the mouth could never be withdrawn again. Depending on those individuals, those words may be life-changing, transformed into blades that gouge their hearts to the core.

Just like Takenaka, who bound himself to that convenience store by the final words of the person he was in love with. No doubt Hyuga must have shared the same experience. My words shredded something vital in Hyuga’s heart. Whether I intended it or otherwise, Hyuga was imbued with a darkness in her heart that drove her to death.

“Masa… I understand how you feel but…”

“You know, I was a horrible person in high school…”

It wasn’t only that time. I was always thinking about myself, at all times. Hating to be embarrassed, hating half-heartedness, prioritizing my own feelings, and a constant lack of consideration for the other party. I was too slow to… even regret it.

“That’s wrong… I am still awful even now.”

“Idiot.”

As I was walking down the road, Kinoshita unceremoniously punched me in the shoulder. Even though it hurt, I lacked the energy to lash back; instead, I simply remained to stare at him. This time, I was inadvertently knocked back by an elbow that flew at me.

“What?”

“I’ve been listening to you since earlier but your subservient behavior is overwhelming. You behave like you’re someone else and not Masa. I won’t urge you to brighten up but staying that way is certainly not good for you. What is truly plaguing you right now is not the wandering specter Hyuga, but you yourself. You’re strangling yourself,” remarked Kinoshita. “It’s different now. Masa, you’ve changed… You at least have an awareness of your own preconceptions and her sentiments now that you can perceive things the same way as Hyuga, don’t you? The suffering of those you had never known, and the gratitude that someone had come to your rescue. The warmth of people close to you who support you. That’s what you gained an understanding of, wasn’t it? If so, don’t say such a thing. You learned all kinds of positive things as a person, so nothing is the same as it was then.”

“Even if it were true, Hyuga wouldn’t be saved since I lack the necessary strength and I probably can’t even communicate with specters. If nothing can be changed in the end, then… I…”

“That leaves just one option if you lack the strength to save her. Apologize to her from the bottom of your heart.”

“…That’s…”

Such a naive way…

“She won’t be satisfied…”

“But it’s worth a try.”

“It’s not worth it, she’s already dead, she’s a specter, and she hates me to the point of wishing to kill me.”

To Hyuga, after all this time, saying that it was my bad and apologizing to her… That was…

“My feelings won’t reach her…”

She likely wouldn’t even listen to me. She wouldn’t spare me. No amount of apology from the bottom of my heart would make Hyuga stop. The smile she had from that time, it wouldn’t be shown to me anymore―

“Ah, here we are…”

After several minutes of walking in silence, an old wooden building came into view.

Beyond the wire mesh of the metal main gate, visible from the outside, was a swimming pool, a small field, a gymnasium, a playing field, and a couple of boys and girls in jerseys. Their physiques were slightly grown-up for elementary school students and immature for high school students.

“This is where I work, it’s summer break right now, so most of the students are in club activities.”

“Oh yeah, you’re a teacher now, huh?”

“Yeah, I know I don’t look like one at all, but for the record, I am. So, this is the place I wanted to bring you.”

Pulled by Kinoshita, I was taken through the school gate, across the playground, and to the back side of the school building.

On the way, we crossed the parking lot, after which we went further into the school, leading us to what I assumed was the second sports ground, though it was more cozy and spacious than the one in front of the school building.

A verdant wire fence. A familiar landscape. Benches with a roof over them. A filthy small hut. Myriad white balls rolling around. Tattered bats. Gloves left on the ground. In the center of the sports ground was the once nostalgic mound, where I used to stand.

“Keep your voice downnnnnnn―!!!”

Standing in the batter’s box, a boy in a long uniform raised his voice spiritedly, and the entire team responded in a loud voice.

These small boys were not yet physically mature. Among them, the smallest and shortest stood on the mound, took a deep breath, and swung widely.

The pitch was thrown, and in the next split second, it slid just under the bat and into the glove of the catcher. The familiar, pleasure-like sound of the ball rubbing against the leather of the glove. That was a solid pitch, in my opinion, for a man of his stature.

“Isn’t everyone adorable?” As he placed his fingertips on the fence, Kinoshita stated with joy. Apparently, he wanted me to see this. The real reason he dragged me all the way down here.

“Incidentally, a coach is being recruited.”

So he said.

“A coach?”

“Yeah, I thought you’d be perfect for it.”

“I mean, me?”

“Baseball knowledge and a certain level of coaching aptitude are all that is required. Eventually, you’ll have to get a certificate or something, but after that, it’s a matter of getting the approval of the school, the players and their parents.”

“And the advisor?”

“For the time being, I’m in charge of that.”

So it was you huh…

“The coach succumbed to illness roughly two months ago… We are hiring members of the general public to be the baseball coach since nobody at this school, including me, has any coaching expertise.”

“You don’t have to do that; you know, with a little research, you can guide them.”

“I can’t do that. It has to be someone with expertise, which is why I thought you might be the ideal person for the job.”

“Why me? Don’t say university, I only finished high school.”

“But Masa, in high school, you were called ‘the heart of the team’ and ‘the tyrant of the mound,’ leading everyone, right?”

“Ah, someone gave me that kind of chuunibyou nickname back then.”

Indeed, I remembered that but I didn’t lead them. I simply yelled at all the guys who weren’t motivated to practice or who were forever moping around during practice.

“For some reason, Masa, everyone was following you; you have the ability to lead the team.”

“It’s nothing like that.”

“Hey, come on. Please, you can save this team.”

“Impossible. I can’t save them.”

How could I? Because I was not the same person I was when they called me “the heart of the team”. I lacked the ability to lead. Besides, how many years had passed since I was no longer active in the field?

“Even if it’s just middle school, it’s better to wait a little longer and find a proper coach than to hire one on short notice.”

“That’s what I thought as well.”

Kinoshita eyed the members of the club on the field.

“They’ve been losing a lot of games since their coach passed away, and even though they’ve been putting on a positive front, they still don’t seem to have their feelings sorted out, so most of them aren’t moving forward… Even though I’m their advisor and offer various advice, I can’t really do much for them. After all, what they need more than anything right now is a new mentor to lead the team.”

It doesn’t necessarily have to be me; there are many other qualified individuals…”

“No, I want you to do it, Masa.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t this bring back memories? The feeling of those days of yourself being full of vigor.”

Kinoshita held out a ball that had fallen into his hand to me.

“Well, you’re coaching, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re playing baseball. I want… that team as well as Masa to regain their spirits. Just like in the old days when you just kept running and looking forward.”

“Even if you said that…”

Even now, I still liked baseball. Nevertheless, I couldn’t bring myself to get involved in baseball again. However much I may have enjoyed those days, it was not always a good thing to be reminded of them. When the grip on my right shoulder tightened, the unpleasant memories resurfaced. If I liked something, I would be so absorbed in it that I would lose sight of the world around me and run alone. Like Hyuga, I dreaded the thought of hurting someone. This was not what I should be doing.

My bad, but you’ll have to find someone else―

As I was about to say this, a group of middle school students seemed to notice me and Kinoshita, stopped their game and came rushing toward us.

“Hey, Teacher Kinoshita!”

“Teacher! Who is that guy!”

“Hello!!”

“Hi!”

“Howdy!”

“Who’s that guy next to you?”

“An alumnus from this school?”

“Hi!”

All of them greeted me in an open and welcoming manner, taking off their caps and crowding me over the fence. With perspiration dripping down their faces and their skin tanned, these middle-schoolers looked at me with curious gazes. Their faces were still youthful, and their stubby bodies still held great potential for growth. They were so energetic that I modestly returned a greeting to them.

Well, whatever. In a short while, I would give them a good reason and head back home. While I was planning to do so, Kinoshita firmly grabbed me by the shoulders and began to introduce me to the middle school students arbitrarily.

“He’s a friend of mine from high school… So! He’s going to be the new coach of our baseball team. Possibly, anyway!”

“Wait, hey!”

It was too late to stop him. After hearing Kinoshita’s remarks in full, the middle school pupils exclaimed in amazement, their eyes sparkling, and they leaped up and down on the spot like small animals. One after another, they crowded the fence, all bombarding me with questions. As expected of middle-school students, they were full of vigor.

“A new coach!?”

“Really, teacher!?”

“Pleased to meet you!”

“Which high school did you attend!”

“Your position!?”

“Wow!”

“Have you been to Koshien?!”

“How old are you!?”

As I was unable to respond to all of the questions, Kinoshita took over and urged the boys to calm down since their enthusiasm was out of control.

“He is the same age as me and a pitcher. He was called the ace of the baseball team in high school and is a super elite player. After hearing about how hard you guys are working, he offered to help us out, isn’t that wonderful!”

“Kinoshita―!”

Who the hell were you calling an elite player! What a bunch of babbling! Besides, I didn’t offer to help them! I was only informed about the situation a few minutes ago!

“You’re giving them false hope!” I whispered, glaring at Kinoshita.

Don’t you laugh at me, this shaggy guy…!

“A pitcher, he said.”

“Kato! That’s great!”

The smallest club member, Kato, as he was called, was pushed to the top of the line. He was the short pitcher, standing on the mound and pitching. Being pushed forward, he bowed politely to me, though slightly intimidated.

“O-Oh, um… I’d like to talk to you about a lot of things… as we’re in the same position.”

Perhaps it wasn’t that he was gloomy but his voice was muffled by nervousness. His fists were clenched and his shoulders were raised to the extreme.

“I still can’t forget about my former coach… but I’ll be sure to follow you…! Please teach me how to pitch well! And teach us to win…!”

As the club members teased Kato, he shuddered like a puppy and fixed a desperate gaze my way. Despite his small size, Kato had an unparalleled passion for baseball.

Oh, leave it to me.

Under normal circumstances, I should have said that proudly but I couldn’t just accept the job carelessly.

“Listen, I know everyone is excited but no decision has been made yet.”

This time, I dragged Kinoshita to a location distant from the ground after he rattled the fence and informed the clamoring club members.

“Stop it. Don’t arbitrarily go on with your story.”

“Isn’t that fine, Coach Hakamada? You look cool, you know?”

“You…”

In the cool shade of the warehouse, I crossed my arms and insisted that Kinoshita retract his words.

“How come I’m the coach?”

“Don’t be so mad.”

“Even if you suddenly said that to me, I’ll be confused. Besides, I’m a complete amateur.”

“We all start out as amateurs.”

“That doesn’t mean… I can do it! When they look at me with such expectation, I feel so guilty for betraying them!”

“Didn’t everyone look pleased?”

Yeah, they did. Thanks to the fact that someone laid out a load of crap. I responded dismissively.

“They need you, Masa.”

“I told you, I can’t do it.”

“Kindly lend a hand. As long as you do it, they will be able to move forward once again. I haven’t seen such a happy look on their faces in a long time. Seeing them so happy made you feel a little better, too, didn’t it?”

I didn’t reply, but honestly, I was faintly happy. It was somewhat similar to the feeling I had when I turned around after striking out against an opponent and my teammates were delighted. Back then, I was happy to be needed by the team. Perhaps because everyone was happy, it was one of the reasons why I liked baseball so much. Thinking that way, I felt that it would be like that time again… Such a feeling almost swept over me.

“It’s time for you to move on too, Masa. What you wish to do is best known to you. Stopping, brooding, contemplating. Isn’t that enough?”

“…Enough…?”

No way. No matter how much I stopped, I would never be able to acknowledge to myself that it was enough.

“You should think about moving on for Hyuga’s sake—for the sake of that girl who couldn’t live—instead of remaining stationary for her.”

For me, this advice was a beacon of light in the midst of the darkness, who had been devastated by my sin and was on the edge of despair.

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