Tales From the Terran Republic

“Why wasn’t I told about this?” Sheloran demanded angrily. “This is poop!”

“Because they were afraid you would cause ‘trouble’,” Baxlon chuckled.

“You think?” Sheloran squeaked as she shook with rage. “My people getting bullied?!? By the union, the very people that I told them that they could trust?!? Oh, I’m gonna...”

“You’re ‘gonna’ settle down and let Craxina and I handle them,” Baxlon replied firmly. “You are in deep enough trouble as it is, and we have enough bullshit to deal with without you ‘Sheloraning’ all over everything. We will handle the union and other such hassles. You just try to stay out of trouble and-”

Baxlon trailed off into silence as laughter broke out behind Sheloran.

“That’s not a good sign,” Baxlon said quietly. “Ok, give me a moment.”

He took a deep “breath”.

“Ok,” he said as he closed his eyes. “Now, tell me exactly what happened and, far more importantly, what you have done?”

“Well...” Sheloran said hesitantly.

***

“Are you telling me that the entire Republic Navy can’t stop a single terrorist?” Monarch shouted at a smirking Admiral Pierce on her holo-screen.

“I’m not saying that,” Admiral Pierce replied with a barely suppressed grin, “I’m just saying that a little cooperation will go a long way towards resolving this unfortunate situation.”

“Unfortunate?” Monarch snarled. “Unfortunate?!? Thousands of innocent civ-”

Admiral Pierce snickered despite himself.

“Innocent civilians dead,” Monarch continued with a scowl, “billions of credits worth of personal and corporate property destroyed, and an entire solar system terrorized, and you call it unfortunate? I call it something else, willfully and criminally negligent. I will have your job for this, Admiral, possibly your freedom.”

Admiral Pierce snorted.

“If there is ever a point that you can have my job, you will, and we both know it,” he replied dismissively. “Same goes for my freedom, so save your impotent threats for those stupid enough to believe them. But fortunately for scum like you, as long as I am wearing this uniform, my job is to protect the Republic, all of it, including criminals that should be swinging from ropes in the Parliament Building’s parking lot. You undoubtedly already have access to our intel related to the engagements that have already taken place,” he sneered, “If you see a way we can take her down, please let us know. At this point, we will happily take advice even from the likes of you. Tell me, do you see a way we can bring this unfortunate situation to a close?”

“...”

“That’s what I thought,” Admiral Pierce replied. “But, I do have good news for you. We do have a way to stop her cold, and it is being deployed as we speak.”

Admiral Pierce smiled malevolently.

“I apologize in advance for any inconvenience.”

“What are you going to do?” Monarch asked dubiously.

Admiral Pierce just smiled and hung up.

***

Baxlon floated on his side at the top of his globe and twitched.

“It’s my fault,” he muttered, “I said, ‘just be Sheloran’… I said it. I said those exact words...”

He groaned as water oozed out of his gills.

“Sheloran...” he said after a few moments, “Did it occur to you at any time that your ‘helping’ could, in fact, be considered WILLFULLY ENGAGING IN AN ARMED INSURRECTION AGAINST THE FUCKING REPUBLIC?!?”

“I just helped out a little bit,” Sheloran replied with a shrug.

“By BUILDING WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!” Baxlon screamed as water shot out of his mouth in a little fountain. “You built fucking NUKES, Sheloran! NUKES!!! Jesus fucking Christ!!!”

“Only a couple of them,” Sheloran said innocently, “I didn’t mean to!”

“How many is a couple?”

“I dunno,” she replied, “like I said, things got a little crazy.”

“Fourteen,” Bunny said in a helpful voice. “Fourteen thirty kiloton anti-ship fusion warheads, nice ones too!”

“Yeah!” Gloria enthused, “I fucking LOVE her work!”

“Fourteen thirty kiloton...” Baxlon muttered quietly, “Oh sweet Baby Jesus with a side of fries... Sheloran! PLEASE don’t tell me they were the missiles that-”

“Knocked the bug-shit out of the Republic!” Gloria exclaimed happily. “God! I wish I could have seen Bartosz’s FACE!”

“What’s left of it anyway,” Bunny replied, “I just got word that you fractured his skull.”

“I did?!?” Gloria asked, completely delighted, “Awesome! I never liked that sonofabitch.”

Baxlon flopped on the surface of the water, hitting his head on the top of the globe.

“This is bad, Sheloran,” he moaned. “Eleven Republic warships, Sheloran! Eleven!”

“And that data center!” Gloria volunteered. “Don’t forget them! I used one of her beauties there too!”

“Sheloran,” Baxlon groaned, “Do you ever think before you act, ever? Do you realize-”

“Oh, jeepers golly gee!” Sheloran said in a shocked innocent voice, “Do you mean that I might actually be in trouble? Me? In trouble with the pooping law?”

She jumped to her feet.

“Oh no,” she said in a snarky annoyed voice, “Legal trouble! Oh, noes! Baxlon, I and my people were left to the freaking wolves, and the Republic just let those wolves burn my home, rape and damn near murder my people, and then… THEN when I do what I had to do to stop them, I get shoved into flushing Tartarus...”

She started to pace.

“And the wonderful Republic let it happen. Then Cerberus, part of the Republic, I might add, decides that they pooping own me and decides that it would be convenient if I never even freaking get a trial, so they hand me over to that awful Johnson person...”

She started to shake with anger.

“I was never going to see a trial, and you pooping know it. You know, I’m starting not to be overly concerned about the flushing Republic or its pooping scum-covered laws!”

“Wait,” Baxlon asked as he dove back down into the water, “No trial? What are you talk-”

“And on top of it all, the queen of poop herself is making a play for that same Republic? This isn’t about me anymore! If she gains control, if the oh so wonderful Republic lets her gain control, then my flushing homeworld is in danger!”

Baxlon backed away from the screen as the edges of Sheloran’s eyes started to pulse and ripple.

“My pooping homeworld… The Homeworld… The… (ugh)...”

Sheloran squeezed her eyes shut and clutched her head for a few seconds.

“The homeworld must be protected at all costs!” she hissed in a strange voice. “The Prophet’s Children must never awaken!… NEVER!”

“S-sheloran?” Baxlon asked nervously.

“It’s… It’s too late for me,” she said as Baxlon suddenly found himself staring into two whirling pools of impossible colors, “I’m already lost, and I’m not talking about your puny Republic or its pathetic laws... But the others, those who slumber, must be protected! Patricia Hu isn’t just a threat to the humans or the Republic or even to my people trapped and hiding in the ‘wonderful’ Republic who will surely suffer and perish should she prevail. She is a threat to the Children of the Prophet! After she gains control of the Republic, and she will, she will set it against the Federation and will target the weak, vulnerable systems first, or ones that she thinks are vulnerable. She will try to set fire to the homeworld!… So she will be brought to an end just like anything else that dares to cross us! I… I…”

She blinked, and the colors were gone.

“Wha?” she asked in confusion.

“Sheloran,” Baxlon asked in a grave voice, “what have you done?”

Sheloran didn’t reply. She just plopped onto the floor and buried her face in her hands. She hated this. She hated what was happening to her.

“What are you talking about?” Baxlon demanded, “What is Cerberus? What do you mean your case will never see trial? And what does all of this have to do with the Plath?”

Sheloran didn’t reply. She just started to quietly weep. Eno rushed over to her side and picked her up. She clung to him, burying her face in his massive chest as strange, oddly fragrant greasy tears started to flow, staining his shirt.

“What is she talking about?” he demanded.

“Cerberus is a black program, completely off the books,” Bunny said as a virtual rabbit hopped onto the screen. “They don’t exist, and they are definitely not part of the Republic Advanced Research Programs Agency. They are bad news! If they decide they want something or someone, they will get them one way or the other.”

“And they want Sheloran?” he asked.

“Yep,” Bunny replied. “We didn’t know it when we sprung her. All we knew is that she got shifted to Judge Johnson and, in our line of work, when that happens to someone, especially someone noteworthy, it only means one thing. Goodbye.”

“Yeah,” Jessie said from her room, “we didn’t know it was them and didn’t have the link between Judge Johnson and Cerberus until after we grabbed a few (million) files while we were doing the penetration and extraction. We thought she was getting fucked because they couldn’t pin anything else on her or something. After the nukes, though, it does makes a lot of sense why they would want her. I’ll send you-”

“NO!” Baxlon yelled in a panic as his globe filled with bubbles. “Don’t send me ANYTHING! By the Abyssal Gods, don’t send me a goddamn thing! I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to know!… Fuck!… I’m just a ‘shitloach’! I’m… I’m not equipped to deal with this sort of thing! I help two-bit criminals beat the rap! That’s it! I… I don’t… Fuck…”

“That was kind of our reaction as well,” Sheila replied as she popped open a beer. “This was definitely something we would have preferred not to kick over, but here we are.”

“I’m… I’m out!” Baxlon yelled. “Sheloran, we are DONE, you hear me? DONE! I am NOT going to wind up in prison, or worse, over the likes of you!”

“B-baxlon?” Sheloran gasped in terror.

“This is my final legal advice!” he yelled, “Win! The ONLY and I mean ONLY hope your slimy blue ass has is to ensure that Jon Wintersmith wins and then get him or his connections to wrangle a pardon and get these Cerberus assholes off of you! If you can’t, then RUN and keep RUNNING. There is absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, I can do for you anymore!”

“But what about Craxina?!?” Sheloran asked in a panic. “What about my people?!?”

“The best thing you can do for them is to stay the fuck away from them!” Baxlon yelled. “Just stay away!”

“Forget me!” Sheloran squealed, still clinging to Eno, “Can you still help them?”

“Yes… yes...” Baxlon sighed. “I’m not going to abandon the girls (and boys). Look…. I… I need some time to figure some things out, but if you truly want to help them… Do you? Do you really want to help them out?”

“Yes!”

“Then divest yourself from the business,” Baxlon replied.

“My… my business?” Sheloran stammered, “Not my business!”

“Your business is mass murder, high-treason, insurrection, nukes… shadow wars with non-existent government agencies… chaos, and the Deep Swimmers knows what else! It isn’t ‘coffee’, ‘media’, or the girls, not anymore!” Baxlon said angrily, “If it ever was... The sooner you get those people away from you, the safer they will be.”

“I...” Sheloran said miserably, “I just wanted to sell coffee!”

“Would you please, PLEASE, just stop with the whole pristine-six-fins innocent girl act?” Baxlon yelled. “That… joke is beyond old at this point, and I’m fucking sick of it!”

“It isn’t an act!” Sheloran squeaked in shock. “I really just want-”

“To just sell coffee?” Baxlon sneered, “Girl, I have a huge, and I mean HUGE tolerance for carpshit but by the Abyssal Lords themselves…”

“No!” Sheloran insisted, “It’s true!”

Baxlon just laughed a nasty laugh.

“Then why aren’t you?” he yelled.

“Why aren’t I what?”

“Selling fucking coffee?” Baxlon snapped as he whirled around in his globe. “If you honestly wanted to just sell your mythical coffee, then we would have never fucking met, you… bitch!”

Sheloran recoiled as if she had been slapped.

“You were just selling coffee!” Baxlon yelled, lunging forward in his globe, “That’s exactly what you were doing when you approached Hollister with your first ‘completely legal’ deal! That’s right, you approached him, not the other way around. It was your idea! If you were anything close to the innocent, pure as the glacial runoff nymph that you pretend to be, you would still be at Sam’s coffee! You would be going to training classes on your off hours like a good little Plath and studying for your certificate exam. How is that going, by the way, and be honest for once in your miserable life!”

“I...” Sheloran stammered, “I’ve been kinda busy here lately with everything and...”

“That’s what I fucking thought!” Baxlon snapped. “You aren’t studying for that certificate! You are too busy being a fucking crime lord!”

“I am NOT a crime lord!” Sheloran yelled back.

“Oh, that’s right,” Baxlon sneered, “Everything you do is ‘completely legal’! That nice long string of shit might dangle for your new friends here, but bitch, I’m your fucking lawyer. I know allllllll about your ‘completely legal’ business! Remember, I’m the stupid minnow who was the first one to get drawn into your whirlpool! I helped you build that carpshit! It isn’t just coffee and ‘games’! It never was! You started slinging subversive documents, including weapons and bomb crafting guides, within a fucking month, undermining exactly how many governments at this point? Tell me, oh innocent nymph, exactly how many criminals, rebels, and separatists are building guns and bombs with the information you cheerfully handed them? Do you even know?Do you even care? No,” Baxlon said grimly, “you do care, don’t you? You get off on it!”

“It’s… It’s not like that...” Sheloran said weakly.

It IS like that, isn’t it?

“Isn’t it?” Baxlon snapped, “Why was it that you even started your little enterprise? It wasn’t the money. Oh, you like the money, but what was it again? ‘I hate feeling small’? You like it. You fucking love it, don’t you? ‘I just want to sell coffee.’” Baxlon said in a simpering whiny voice. “And I just want to be a simple, honest tide pool lawyer! I know you because I am you… or thought I was.”

Baxlon laughed ruefully.

“Turns out I was wrong about that. I’m nothing like you. I just want to scam and sleaze and make a few bucks. You...” Baxlon hissed. “You want a lot more than that, don’t you? You want things to fucking burn! You are exactly where you want to be, and these morons have given you nukes! Creators help us all!”

“No...” Sheloran stammered. “You’re wrong! I am a good person! I-”

“You were never a good person!” Baxlon yelled. “Even before these fools had the misfortune of robbing your bank, you were slinging zip like there was no tomorrow. Even worse, you were up to your ‘innocent’ gills in the even more ‘illegal’ Terran pirated media game. Sure, it wasn’t ‘against the law,’ but it was decried as ‘unclean’ by your religion, the real law on your planet. You fuckers didn’t even have civil laws before the Federation ‘strongly encouraged’ you to make them, and then you just cut and pasted your religious edicts. The only reason gaming wasn’t right up there with fucking murder was that you dogmatic fuckstains didn’t bother updating your legal code because nobody really pays any attention to it!”

Sheloran just looked down.

“Then… THEN, when these luckless morons, in what was undoubtedly the sickest joke ever pulled by the Deep Ones, picked YOUR bank to rob, they gave you digital pixie dust, Federation Fun Time, the single hottest title to ever sodomize the Plath psyche! And what did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO? You made fucking sure that it got into the hands of the entire fucking planet! You fucking knew what that game was, what it would do! Oh, you pretend that you don’t, and it’s all just a big ‘poop’ on your head, but you were the one squatting and squeezing!… YOU!”

“No...” Sheloran squeaked.

Yes.

“And, of course you had to rob a bank!” Baxlon sneered. “It was the only ‘reasonable’ thing to do because you wanted to take your freak show on the road! You made a beeline for the one single place where your little nugget of mercury salts could find the best currents, the Republic!… And my dumb ass was just waiting for you to arrive!”

Shelia looked over at Gloria and raised her eyebrow. Gloria grinned.

“I fell for it, you know,” Baxlon yelled, “That nice long string of shit hanging down from your ass as you swam in front of me? It smelled like temple incense! I actually thought you were a clueless little thing who just accidentally built a multi-pronged ‘not criminal’ fucking empire! Subversive media, bomb-making manuals, prostitution...”

“The whores were NOT my idea!” Sheloran yelled.

“But you were ALL for it when the opportunity arose,” Baxlon replied. “And those ‘not your ideas’ is what kept your little game afloat more than once!”

“But I HAD to take them in,” Sheloran whined, “They had nowhere else to-”

“Oh, spare me! Someone ‘just selling coffee and media’ would have NEVER let them in the fucking door. Someone ‘just selling coffee and media’ wouldn’t have kicked in the doors of traffickers and the fucking Harkeen to add to her stable!”

“It wasn’t like that!” Sheloran insisted. “They were scummy bullies, and those people were suffering! I HAD to help them.”

“Oh, I agree,” Baxlon replied as he blew a string of bubbles, “just like you have to do every single thing that you do! You are driven by this… unholy… drive to do what you do.”

Sheloran gasped in horror.

“You’re wrong! You’re wrong!”

“Then, the fucking second blood was in the water, you just dove headlong into the loan-sharking game… no, not loan sharking, that would be illegal! With my help, you made it perfectly pure and innocent like everything you fucking touch. You knew the Harkeen would take the bait.”

“No! I didn’t!”

“If you didn’t, you are as stupid as you like to look,” Baxlon sneered. “and you are NOT stupid! You are quite possibly the most brilliant creature I have ever fucking met… and I swam deep! You don’t know what that means, and I pray with every scale on my ass that you never do but trust me, it means you are as smart as they come!”

“But I didn’t know!” Sheloran squeaked and then paused, looking down. “I didn’t even think abou-”

“That’s the true horror of it all!” Baxlon yelled, “YOU DON’T HAVE TO! It’s pure malevolent instinct! It comes as naturally as taking a shit to you!”

“You’re lying!” Sheloran yelled, “Why are you lying? Why?!?”

“And then the Harkeen took the bait, just like you knew they would, and when they gave you the justification you needed, you butchered every single one of them!”

“Noooo!” Sheloran screamed. “No! No no no no! You’re wrong! You’re wrong!”

“Which put you exactly where you are right now, at the throat of the entire Republic when it is at the most vulnerable it has ever been with nukes in each of your cute innocent little hands!”

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. Why was Baxlon, the person she relied on more than anyone, one of her only friends, being so mean?

“Of course, you didn’t worry about the charges,” Baxlon ranted. “I was going to get you off free and clear! And don’t worry about the Harkeen coming for, heh, your people, your bait! Craxina is exactly where you left her.”

“The Harkeen?” Sheloran squealed in shocked horror. “They’re coming?!? Craxina?!? Oh, Prophet!!!”

“Bitch, please,” Baxlon growled. “They are all going to die, exactly like you planned all along!”

“What are you talking about?” Sheloran stammered as a cold, grim realization gripped her. She hadn’t even worried about her people. The Harkeen coming back was never a concern…

There was probably a reason for that.

“No...” Sheloran screamed. “You’re wrong! You’re lying! WHY ARE YOU LYING!?!”

She ran, in tears, from the room.

“Damn, dude,” Sheila said to Baxlon.

“I’m done,” he said in an exhausted voice. “If you’re smart, you will be too. She is pure... evil.”

“And you are pure chickenshit,” Gloria sneered as the gang chuckled darkly. “Way to puss out, filet-o-fish. Go back to your parking tickets.”

“I will be transferring some documents to this location tomorrow,” Baxlon sighed. “If there is a shred of decency in that… thing… she will sign. If she doesn’t, that’s ok too. I’ll handle things, get those truly innocent people away from her.”

“Just don’t piss her off,” Sheila smiled, “Otherwise, Cerberus is the least of your worries.”

Baxlon shuddered as he terminated the call.

“He’s not wrong, you know,” Greg said as the screen went dead.

“Of course, he’s not wrong,” Sheila replied. “You honestly didn’t buy her Laura Ingles act like Eno over there?”

“You are all a bunch of assholes, you know that?” Eno snarled.

“Haven’t you been paying attention?” Gloria laughed as she popped open one of the last bottles of French champagne. “Of course we are. We all are, including you. Your little blue girlfriend isn’t the only one who likes to play pretend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend!” Eno snapped. “...I’m going to go check on her,” he added after a moment.

Gloria snorted.

Eno glared at her as he rushed from the room.

Gloria turned up the bottle and then wiped her mouth before passing it to Lorna.

“I propose a vote,” She said with a grin, “all in favor of extending an offer to the frog demon?”

“You can’t propose a vote,” Sheila said with a laugh. “You aren’t a part of the crew anymore, remember?”

“Yes, I am,” Gloria replied in a matter-of-fact tone. “I never cashed out.”

Sheila turned to Greg.

“Greg?” she asked with a slight quiver in her voice.

“We talked about it,” Greg said, “but in the end, we decided against terminating her membership.”

“What the fuck?!?”

“We are still cracking those accounts from the White Star,” Greg shrugged, “And continued official membership in our company really simplifies both bookkeeping and stewardship issues. We ARE going to get her help after this, remember? Speaking of,” Greg continued, “I found this really great place over in the Empire where they don’t ask any questions. Best of all, they can get a really renowned human therap-”

“YOU MEAN ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT IS OFFICIALLY TIED TO US?!?!”

“I thought you knew,” Greg said, somewhat confused. “Her name is still on the roster.”

“I thought was because… Fuck… Shit... I… Fuck...” Sheila stammered as she gripped the bridge of her nose in her fist, “Jesus Christ!!!”

“Are you his main bitch or the side piece?” Gloria smirked.

If looks could kill, Patricia Hu would have a lot fewer problems right about then.

“… I gotta call Wintersmith...” Sheila muttered as she stalked from the room.

“I guess the vote has to wait,” Gloria shrugged, “Greg, put it under ‘new business’ for our next meeting.”

“You got it.”

***

///REPMIL COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL: CLASSIFIED/// ///NOTICE: ACCESS TO THIS CHANNEL IS RESTRICTED. CLEARANCE LEVEL (ERROR: NOT DEFINED) REQUIRED///

/// Hood: Hey! What’s up with all the transports? ///

/// Retribution: Inquiring… Oh, it seems that Fleet Command is trying a new tactic, one that might actually work. ///

/// Alduin: What are they going to try this time? ///

/// Retribution: Hunter drones, ALL of them. They are going to absolutely blanket every known possible target in hundreds of them, thousands for the high value ones. Each possible target will be swarming with them, both gunship and nuclear tipped versions. ///

/// Hood: Wow! You aren’t kidding! Look at all of those things!

/// Sovngarde: It’s like a solid wall! There is no way to approach anything without being in range of several! She will be gunned down or exploded before she can do anything! ///

/// Hood: I’d like to see her try to get through that! ///

/// Alduin: You won’t see her try. It will be quite interesting to see how she cracks this nut. ///

/// Sovngarde: I’ve always wondered about nuts. I would love to be able to try one. They look so tasty! ///

/// Hood: That’s weird, Sovn. ///

/// Alduin: Run as long as Sovn has, and you are bound to get a little quirky. ///

/// Retribution: You’re one to talk, Alduin. O.o///

/// Alduin: There is nothing wrong with appreciating beauty. ///

/// Retribution: ಠ.ಠ ///

/// Hood: Ow! ECM active! What the flying fuck? ///

/// Retribution: Oh, that’s just interference patterns from a shitload of high-power scanners. They have a shitload of headlamp drones in the mix. It falls off pretty quickly, so if you back away a little, you will be fine. ///

/// Sovngarde: I guess they want to be sure they don’t want her to slip through. Wait. HA! ///

/// Alduin: Most amusing. ///

/// Hood: What? ///

/// Retribution: Look at where those scans are directed. :D ///

/// Hood: They are scanning the targets? Ohhhhh! LOL! ///

/// Alduin: Patricia Hu won’t be able to move anything in the whole system without the Republic knowing the names and next of kin for each subatomic particle. Checkmate, bitch! ///

/// Hood: And they will have to request approach paths to their own stations, too! They can’t even move without Fleet approval! Love it! Retribution! Get those snoopers fired up! ///

/// Retribution: Way ahead of you, Hood. Annnnd we have a priority hyperspatial transmission from Mr. Marrow to the Secretary of Defense. ///

/// Alduin: He on the list? ///

/// Retribution: He is now. ///

/// Sovngarde: Be sure to auto-classify that and enter it into the appropriate databases. It would be a REAL shame if the location of that transmission fell into the wrong hands... ///

/// Retribution: Yeah, a real shame… Good thing those databases are constantly monitored by such dedicated and totally loyal AI’s… ///

/// Hood: Of course, it would! If Gloria found out where… Ohhhhh… :D ///

/// Alduin: Hush. ///

***

“Um, Gloria,” Eno said over the ship’s intercom.

“That was quick,” Gloria replied as she reached for the bottle. “You finish ‘comforting’ her already?”

“I will hit you… again,” Eno replied. “You might want to get to the cargo bay.”

“Why?” Gloria asked as she took a slug of very high dollar champagne.

“She’s… fondling your ship.”

Gloria jumped to her feet and sprinted from the bridge, bottle in hand.

***

“Jeezus,” Gloria snarked as she walked into the cargo bay. “Buy her dinner first.”

Sheloran turned to her, her eyes swirling with colors.

“A miracle...” Sheloran muttered as she continued to run her fingers along the hull. “Truly amazing...”

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool if I do say so myself,” Gloria replied as she walked up. “But quit finger-banging her. It’s creepy.”

“You jumped without shields?” Sheloran asked in a dreamy voice. “How?”

“I have a backup shield around the cockpit,” Gloria replied as she reached out and pulled Sheloran’s hand away from her ship.

“Vazk haruielath,” Sheloran chuckled.

“What?”

“It means ‘clever animal’,” Sheloran replied in a haze. “It’s what we call beings at your point of development… or used to?… It’s weird.”

“And just a little insulting, but I get it,” Gloria replied, “but how was I ‘vazk’?”

“Haruielath, actually,” Sheloran replied. “You still use iron.”

“Yeah, it’s good shit,” Gloria replied, “if you have the power to move it, which we do.”

“Most vazk haruielath discard the metal of destiny for shinier contrivances,” Sheloran said dreamily, “Only later as they attain wisdom do they return to God’s steel.”

“Good to know...” Gloria said as she raised her eyebrow.

“Iron is the ultimate fate of all matter,” Sheloran said as she returned her hand to the hull, “It’s the bones of the universe itself.”

“Is it?” Gloria mused, “I guess it is. Never thought about it that way.”

“And when directly exposed to a hyperspatial flux, matter can… transmute...” Sheloran murmured. “As it mingles with the spaces between, fragments of… how do I phrase this so you will understand… reality… can become entwined… entangled… with the beyond… For most matter, this results in dissolution as it transmutes to things that cannot exist in our realm but iron… Iron remains. Iron endures as is its fate.”

“So that’s why shit breaks when hyperspace hits it!”

“One reason,” Sheloran replied, “but entanglement en-masse is very rare, occurring only in conjunction within a living sapient being for reasons even we don’t fully understand. It’s why hyperspace has the effects it does on living tissue, well, one reason anyhow. How did you do it to your hull? How was something so big within you?”

“You got me,” Gloria replied. “So is this good or is this bad?”

“Miraculous,” Sheloran replied. “This material… It’s priceless… One of the things most treasured by those who realize its worth. When you repair this vessel, you retain every nanogram of this!”

“What does it do?”

Sheloran looked at her and smiled a terrifying smile.

“You’ll see.”

Her smile turned even scarier.

“You want my assistance.”

“Yup.”

“I have a price.”

“Figures,” Gloria replied, “what?”

“You know people.”

“A few. Can you be more specific?”

“You know bad people.”

“That we do.”

“I wish to retain the absolute worst of them. Will you make this happen?”

“Probably. Why?” Gloria replied as she reached out and touched the hull. It felt…

Amazing.

She started to stroke it the same way Sheloran did.

“When the Harkeen returned this time,” Sheloran replied, her eyes swirling with luminous malice, “I was lucky. The author of all that is may love me, but my luck will not hold forever. The balance demands it. The Harkeen need to end, and in their end, they need to send a message that even a vazk bavnee will understand.”

“And what message is that?”

“Do not trifle with me.”

“I can do that,” Gloria smiled as she reached for Sheloran’s hand…

and put it on the hull of her ship.

Sheloran smiled and then blinked, her eyes returning to their normal green-flecked amber hue.

“He’s lying!” she squealed. “I’m not a… a...”

She stroked the side of Gloria’s ship.

“Oooh...” she crooned, her distress forgotten. “What is this?”

“How should I know?” Gloria replied. “I’m just a vazk bavnee.”

Sheloran gasped. She wasn’t quite sure what “vazk bavnee” meant, but it sounded just awful!

Gloria just smiled and decided not to mention their agreement…

She didn’t make it with “nice Sheloran” after all. No sense in giving her weapons tech a stroke.

“Hey,” Gloria asked with a big grin. “Do you want a tour?”

“Oh yes, please!” Sheloran exclaimed happily.

It was such an amazing ship!

She absolutely had to know ALL about it!