The Princess' Bedroom Doll

“I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“Stop lying.”

“…….”

She did not want to tell him about the prince’s death. Karzen killed Shed’s nephew. He killed the Prince of Hildes.

Shed, who had been staring at Raha, pushed a piece of fruit into her mouth.

“Let’s eat first. Don’t the maids feed you properly?”

She couldn’t say anything because of the fruit in her mouth. She skipped many dinners, which were always with Shed. The fruit she tasted was really sweet.

It was summer night fruit.

The name was too romantic for a fruit. Perhaps because Hildes was a wealthy country and full of romanticists.

Perhaps the couple couldn’t spend the summer together.

So even if they couldn’t meet, they could eat this fruit and feel content.

Just doing so would be fine. The fruit was satisfyingly sweet, soft, and fragrant on her tongue.

“Raha.”

“…… yes.”

“You don’t seem to be feeling well.”

“No. I’m fine.”

Shed stared at her suspiciously despite what she said.

“I’m fine.”

It didn’t matter.

“I really am fine.”

“Raha.”

Shed’s voice slowly subsided.

“Why do you always lie to me?”

“…….”

“You could at least tell me that it hurts. Do you know how much your body heat rises?”

“…… Shed.”

“Raha.”

“I told you I’m fine. And …… you are the one….”

When Raha didn’t continue, Shed, who was watching her carefully, asked curiously.

“Am I the one…?”

“……..”

Raha’s hands tightened.

You’re the one who didn’t say anything to me……..

You never once told me that your nephew died because of Karzen and you came to get revenge.

Shed, are you really ok?

Do you feel any better?

Is it possible to feel better?

… Will there come a time when you will be better? 

Will I?

“Raha? Raha!”

Belatedly, Raha realized that she became frozen like a doll. Her vision darkened as if the lights went out and her body temperature dropped dramatically. At times like this, she had to pull herself together as quickly as possible, not even for a minute, but for a second. She didn’t want other people, especially the aristocrats, to know that she was not normal.

In front of Shed….

Raha bit her lip. She couldn’t remember how many times she froze like this.

“I’m all right. I just…. … I thought about something else for a minute.”

“Raha.”

“Really.”

Shed carefully wrapped Raha’s hand with his and looked at her tenderly.

“You lie like that because you can’t see your expression.”

“Shed.”

“Don’t give me that look and tell me you’re okay.

“…….”

“I’m your fiancé. Raha.”

“…….”

“You don’t have to do that to me.”

Raha’s reflection reflected in the blue-gray eyes. For a moment, her heart swayed as if it were rippling.

It’s going to get better?

It may be possible for Shed, but I must not be.

What was that peace I experienced for a few months while I dreamed of death for so long? Am I betraying the decision I made?

I fussed about how hard it would be in words, but it really wasn’t that hard. Wasn’t all the fuss about how hard life was really not so hard a deception?

So many people died because of me, and yet I look back every day and say, “I will compensate you with my life.” How can I change my mind now? Then has the heart that is in me really won?

Was there ever anything real in me?

Was there ever anything real about me, even for a moment?

I’m Karzen’s blood, aren’t I?

Raha had no excuse for the words that pierced through her like a stake.

She did not even know to whom she should make excuses. There was something left to shake in her dulled heart. But it’s no longer there.

“Raha, please.”

Perhaps her thoughts of the past few days were wrong. No, no. She didn’t just sleep with him, she didn’t even talk to him.There were already countless holes in her always hardened heart. Now it was beyond repair.

“When are you going to kill me?” (Raha)

“…….”

Raha lowered her lashes without saying any more. Little by little, slowly. The tears that had been building up deep in Raha’s heart from one moment to the next finally flowed out like a dam breaking. They ran down her hot cheeks.

“You came to me to kill me, didn’t you?” (Raha)

“…….”

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t be able to kill me.” (Raha)

The smell of burning rose from deep in her chest suddenly came to her vividly. The blue-gray eyes turned to her were now so hard they looked cold.

“Why did you love me, who you had to kill?” (Raha)

With each word, it seemed as if Raha was the one whose heart was deeply disturbed and stolen. She choked like a person who has been chased up a steep staircase.

“Kill me.” (Raha)

“…….”

Raha had no time to look to see how Shed felt at those words. She had none. Only the tears running down her cheeks constantly soaked her dress.

“You said you would kill me when you came back.”

“I did.”

I don’t believe you anymore.

“Set a date.”

You always say that to appease me.

“Please, Shed.”

She didn’t know why she resented him. What an evil and selfish person. Therefore, this beautiful person did not suit her.

It was clear that if she lived her whole life trying to understand people who hated her with irrational feelings, she would have become one too. Raha added another assessment of herself. 

Was it because all she had was status? She was truly a pathetic coward. The fake doctor who drained her blood one day was right when he said

“Princess, you’re out of your mind. Only your body has grown.”

In fact, she prayed every night. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she squeezed her hands every night and prayed for the success of that fake doctor’s experiment.

There were many people in the world who did not like Karzen, so they would drain her blood to kill him. In order to kill Karzen, they had to break the protection of the blue eyes, and the natural procedure would be to die herself.

She looked at the knight who came to kill her. Shed Hildes. This knight would surely kill her.Yes, he would end her long suffering. So she would not have to be responsible for anyone’s life any more.

“Promise to kill me before we are married.”

“…….”

“You said you would kill me……..”

Shed made no reply. But there was a slight tremor in the hand holding Raha‘s. It was impossible to see the deep pain seeping into his blue-gray eyes. Tears flowed down constantly and did not stop.

“I did.”

It was a voice that flowed as deep as the water under the bank.

“I have no intention of marrying any other woman but you.”

“…….”

“I have never wanted anyone else in my life but you.”

Shed could vaguely guess why Raha wanted to die before the marriage. Because Shed said he would take Raha to Hildes based on that date. It would be the last day.

Then Shed realized one more thing.

This woman did not believe his words about killing her at all. In other words, this princess had never once doubted his heart.

She knew that he loved her.

Tears constantly flowed down Raha’s chin.

“You must give time for your name to be inscribed beside mine.”

“…….”

“However much you wanted.”

“…….”

“You can give me that much.”

Raha nodded very slowly. The dim pain was terrible. A broken heart. The willingness to throw away too much. There was no lie anywhere. There was no deception on anyone’s part.

Shed meant what he said and he was thoroughly serious in his confession that he wanted time to carve her name beside his. He wished it had been this woman’s will that completely trample on his heart.

It shouldn’t be this hard to breathe.

Even soft bark trees are not sharpened when they go through countless difficulties. It is a wound carved without front and back with a blade built like that.

Raha said, wiping away tears.

“It is you who have returned to me.”

“Yes, I’m back.”

“Please don’t hate me.”

“I never did.”

Shed sighed. Raha hadn’t been eating. She was getting thinner day by day. Where did those tears come from that small body?

“You’re going to collapse from crying. Please don’t cry anymore….”

Where was the smile that she always had on her face when she looked at everyone even though she was in pain? 

A smile as thin as thin ice flashed faintly across Shed’s face.

“Did you avoid me for a week because you couldn’t say that?”

“I didn’t avoid you …….”

“No?”

Shed kissed Raha’s cheek.

“I’m right here.”

“I knew you were avoiding me……. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you don’t like me.”

“……I do.”

Why did he say that every time?

Why did he love someone like her so much?

The words she just couldn’t be confident enough to speak up drifted deep in her chest. It was a place where hard-pressed emotions and hard-hidden sincerity had just piled up.

Shed cupped Raha’s cheek. He lowered his head, promising to kill her as she wished.

It was sweet kissing Shed, the first time she had done it properly in a long time. The taste of summer night fruit on his tongue. It was so fragrant and lush and sweet. Her heart ached so much it was suffocating, but her tongue tasted unbelievably sweet.

The reason why tears flowed without a break was, apparently, because of the sweetness.