The Soldier and The Novelist

Interlude – The Day the Nightmare Gripped My Throat

I always saw the blue sky, even on rainy days.

In the morning, I woke up to my mother’s voice.

I felt the warmth of the sun on my cheeks.

By the time we finished breakfast, my father had usually left for work.

With my mother’s reminder to wash my face in mind, I rushed out with the girl who came to pick me up.

Even on rainy days, it didn’t matter to us.

We played around, swinging wooden swords.

Regrettably, I never managed to beat her, not even once.

She always looked down on me with a smug smile.

“It’s not that you’re weak, I’m just strong,” she would say.

Every time she said that, I felt frustrated. Even among our peers, she always stood at the center.

I always followed her back.

But she kept moving ahead.

I couldn’t bring myself to say, “Wait.”

I didn’t want to say it.

If I did, I felt like I’d lose everything.

In those moments, she always stopped and turned back, extending her hand to me.

“Come on, let’s go,” she would say.

Her innocent smile directed at me.

My frustration and relief.

I summoned my strength and reached out for that smile.

And then, the world went dark.

Her smiling face stained with blood.

The figures of my friends transformed at my feet.

My mother’s body lying in a pool of blood.

The suffocating smell of blood.

Why? I repeated it over and over again.

Mocking laughter. Sneers. Screams.

I ran away.

Somewhere, I made a mistake.

Was it me who made the mistake?

Or was it the world that made the mistake?

I didn’t know. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t comprehend.

Even now… I still don’t understand.