You’re Blocking My Coffin Board

Liang Liang hurriedly floated back home, where the villagers had already dug a large pit. 

The old Taoist held a spinning plate in his hand, mumbling and calculating divination, claiming that this was a naturally auspicious place, perfect for building a grave. A thin coffin was placed nearby, as if they were going to bury the deceased there, right on top of him.

“Liang Liang, it looks like they’re going to bury him above you. Wouldn’t that put pressure on you when you sleep?” The mischievous little boy enjoyed the spectacle.

Liang Liang was furious, his ghostly head emitting green smoke. ” *********, how dare they suppress me.”

“Wait, why are they digging deeper?”

Liang Liang froze. “What? Don’t tell me they’re digging up my house.”

“They… shouldn’t be.”

As soon as the words fell, there was a thud as the shovel hit something hard.

“Old Taoist, there’s already a coffin underneath!”

Liang Liang screamed loudly in an instant, but the villagers, who couldn’t hear him, continued digging along that object. Shovel after shovel, the soil in the pit was excavated, revealing Liang Liang’s luxurious tomb.

A commotion broke out, and everyone gathered around to take a closer look. The villagers said that the deceased person they wanted to bury was an Great Old Taoist’s disciple, so they wanted to bury him in a place with good feng shui[1]. However, they didn’t expect that someone had already occupied the place of good feng shui and now they had dug up an old coffin.

But Liang Liang didn’t care about all that. He just wanted this group of people to stay away from his luxurious coffin.

Liang Liang kicked and punched, flying up and down, but he couldn’t stop the villagers from taking action.

“Don’t touch! Don’t touch! You audacious people!”

“The quality of this coffin is really good.” The coffin seller from the village knew with just a touch, showing a surprised expression. “It must have been here for several hundred years old at least, and it hasn’t been damaged by snakes, insects, or rodents.”

“*ucking nonsense, How can my coffin be bad? Hurry up and bury it back!”

“There must be valuable burial items inside.” The villagers sighed.

The old Taoist on the side immediately calculated divination, his eyes lighting up.

“Everyone, this is quite a big tomb.”

“What do you mean, Master Taoist?”

“This tomb probably contains numerous burial items, at least dozens of gold, silver, and jade artifacts. If my calculations are correct, this person must have been wealthy and noble in life.”

The villagers looked at each other in confusion.

One bald villager scratched his head and said, “Then let’s bury Master Jiang and dig up this big tomb. What should we do with it? Hand it over to the government?”

As soon as he finished speaking, he was smacked on the head.

The villagers started whispering among themselves, while the old Taoist looked around and whispered something to the village chief, who nodded in response.

“The Taoist is right, everyone who sees it will get a share.”

Liang Liang was stunned, wondering what those words meant.

Immediately, the village chief waved his hand. “Come on, start digging the grave—”

“Motherf******!” Liang Liang suddenly burst into angry curses, dancing around the crowd, punching and kicking, cursing and swearing, “You **”

“*** idiots.”

“Son of a b****.”

“&…%##**`&”

“Daring to dig a grave in front of a ghost, that is so unreasonable!!”

“Oh my God.” By the tree, the little boy who had hidden earlier watched with amazement, holding a bag of potato chips. Although he knew long ago that Liang Liang hadn’t learned anything in these hundreds of years except how to curse, he didn’t expect him to be so proficient at it.

“What are you looking at?! *#＃&^％@ these stupid ****, quickly help me find a solution!”

“Bro, I’m also powerless,” the little boy shook his head. “I’ll go ask the public cemetery folks for help.”

With a swoosh, he quickly slipped away.

(5)

Meanwhile, in the forgotten thin coffin, a ghostly figure slowly emerged.

Liang Liang continued flying around, shouting and cursing, which awakened the other ghost.

A string of wet footprints appeared on the ground, and those footprints gradually approached Liang Liang. Just as they were about to reach him, the ghost stumbled over his own wet pants, blown by a gust of wind, and thudded down on top of Liang Liang with a smack.

“*uck, who’s there!”

Liang Liang yelled in anger, and in an instant, his entire soul turned cold, as both ghosts overlapped each other.

Ghosts don’t usually intentionally overlap, but sometimes they might accidentally end up in the same place, which can be quite awkward.

Liang Liang was shaken by the weight pressing on him. He looked up and met the gaze of a man dressed in Taoist robes, dripping wet from head to toe, as if he had just emerged from the water and brought the cold dampness with him, looking like he had drowned.

“Stop struggling, it’s useless. My Uncle is driven by money.” Jiang Jiang slowly floated upright, lowering his head to face Liang Liang’s head, which came out from his own body. His pale face still carried a sense of anger.

“Why are you like a firecracker?”

“Ba***** your entire family are firecrackers!” Liang Liang jumped out. “Who are you?”

“I am Jiang—”

With a snap, before he could finish his sentence, the luxurious coffin was pried open.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Liang Liang screamed, “I don’t care what your name is, someone is digging up my grave!”

Liang Liang shouted and fainted. The semi-conscious ghost floated in the air, carried higher by the wind. Jiang Jiang sympathetically shook his head and pulled the ghost back.

He scratched his own ear, patted it, and poured out some water. This ghost has such a powerful voice.

Indeed, Liang Liang was wealthy. There were so many gold, silver, and jade objects accompanying him in the burial that they almost buried his bones. But in the next moment, the people who had surrounded him plundered everything, leaving behind only a naked pile of white bones.

Liang Liang woke up and, as soon as he opened his eyes, saw his own white bones.

He screamed again and fainted once more.

[1] Feng shui is an ancient Chinese practice that seeks to harmonize and optimize the energy flow in one’s environment to promote well-being and balance in various aspects of life.

Note: The Taoist who’s burying Jiang Jiang’s coffin is his Uncle and Master of Jiang Jiang is a different Taoist.