Episode 28 – Anxiety And Complication

Rina san covered herself in the futon deeply with a painful expression on her face.

She turned her back to me.

“I’m sorry. I’m a little weird right now……”

“N-no…”

I didn’t know that Rina san was tormenting herself this much.

There’s a difference between Rina san and me.

Rina san doesn’t have an ex-boyfriend and I have an ex-girlfriend.

I didn’t care deeply about this difference.

But for Rina san, it was a serious problem and a factor  that made her uneasy.

Above all, the fact that my ex-girlfriend was her little sister, a rare situation, probably added to her uneasiness.

“I’ve disillusioned you. You don’t like this kind of possessive, bad-tempered girl, do you?”

“That’s not–“

“This is the real me……. I am very selfish and greedy. But I’ve been telling myself that I’m the older sister, and I’ve endured a lot of things. Still, I can’t do anything about Takuto kun. I don’t want to give you to anyone. I don’t want to give you up either.”

“……..”

Rina san kept thinking about me earnestly since we met as children.

It must have been hard for her when Yuika and I started dating, but she put a lid on her feelings and gave me her blessing.

When we broke up, she made every effort to help us get back together.

I wonder what I could have done for her.

Am I not making enough effort to convey my feelings to her?　

What the hell am I doing, making my girlfriend whom I love so much say such a thing…..

I feel guilty.

I slapped my cheeks so hard as if to refresh my mind.

“E-erm, Takuto kun?”

“Excuse me, I’m going out for a bit.”

“N-now?”

“Yes. I feel like it has to be now.”

I got up from the chair, put my bag on my shoulder and left Rina san’s room.

▲▽▲

[Tsukise Rina]

I disliked myself for a long time.

I’m not good at dealing with things, so I have to work harder than others.

I was jealous of my little sister who imitated me and lived well.

I hated myself for being so jealous, and I hated myself for not being the best, and I was fed up with it.

What made me hate myself even more was, about two months after I came back to Japan from America.

“……The rain, it’s amazing.”

He called out to me as I sat on a bench at a bus stop.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Because he was my first love.

A coincidence reunion.

I knew that he lived nearby, but I had no idea that we would meet again at such timing.

“Ah, yeah. It’s amazing.”

“Damn, I’m so unlucky…….”

He looked up at the sky as if he was troubled.

He didn’t seem to notice me.

“Aren’t you going to sit down?”

“Ah, then excuse me.”

He sat down next to me.

I was very nervous.

I felt like my heart was going to burst.

“What’s your name?”

I tried to gather my courage.

Maybe I have the wrong person.

I ask with the intention of cutting off that possibility.

“E-erm, my name is Kitami Takuto.”

I felt my mouth dry up and tried my best to calm my rising tension. I knew it. I wasn’t mistaken !

“…….I-I’m Tsukise Rina.”

I let the flow of the conversation take over and introduce myself.

This will help him remember me. I had such faint hopes.

“Tsukise……. Um, do you have a little sister, by any chance?

“I-I do, but…..why?

The place to get caught was wrong.

I wanted him to catch my name, but he paid more attention to the surname.

“That little sister of yours, isn’t her name Yuika?”

“…That’s right.”

Why?　

Why is Yuika’s name coming up?　

Please remember me. Why is Yuika–

“I see. What a coincidence…….”

“What do you mean?”

“Actually, I’ve been going out with Yuika san for a little while now.”

“….Eh?”

What’s going on?

I don’t know.

What do you mean?　

“This kind of thing happens, doesn’t it?”

“……You’re, right…….. What an amazing coincidence……”

I was barely able to keep my composure.

The boy I like is dating Yuika.

My mind went blank when I suddenly heard such an unbelievable story.

“What kind of things does Yuika san like?　I’m kinda clueless about it, and I’d like some information.”

“…… cherries, I guess.”

“Cherry. But it’s not the time of year.

“It’s a little bit further.”

It was hard for me to look at his happy face.

I wanted him to look at me.

I wanted him to ask me what I liked.

“Takuto kun, you know…”

“Ah, yes.”

“What do you like about Yuika?”

“I don’t know yet, but I hope to get to know her as we go out.”

“I see……”

I wonder if he’s fine with dating anyone.

If that’s the case, why can’t it be me?

I obviously love him more than Yuika.

I’ve loved him for a long, long time.

I really am a nasty girl.

On the outside, I tried to act all nice and cheerful.

But behind the scenes, I’m thinking all kinds of nasty things.

Basically, I’m selfish, greedy, and a coward.

I can’t help but hate myself.

Since I don’t like myself, I can’t believe that he-Takuto kun would like me.

Seriously….I hate it.

I don’t know why I……said such a thing.

I know Takuto kun would never cheat.

Because I’ve been watching him for a long time.

Because I’ve seen Takuto kun who loves Yuika wholeheartedly.

I can’t imagine him being a two-timing kind of guy.

But what if-what if I lose interest in him.

I couldn’t sleep at night thinking about it.

That’s why I only want him to look at me.

I want him to be satisfied with just me. I don’t want him to know about other girls.

I wonder if Takuto kun will say he likes me even though I am such a selfish person.

I wonder if he would accept me.

I don’t want another girl to take him away again……

I was alone in the room where Takuto kun left.

I was having a fever and my head was flustered while I just kept on self-loathing.