The Kiss From Hell

John has not been feeling well ever since he left work. At first, he thought it was because of the rain a few days ago. However, it didn’t take long to realize that it was not just cold. Not only he had chills, but also a mild fever that warmed all his body, and that sensation was now very familiar to him.

John went straight to the bathroom as soon as he left work and washed himself for a longer time than usual. As he lifted his arm and sniffed, he could feel the residual scent of pheromones that slightly bloomed through the artificial scent of the body wash.

John carefully covered with musk-scented lotion his whole body to subtle the pheromones and walked to bed without properly shaking the water dripping from his head. Water droplets dripped over the cold marble floor at each walk.

Damn it.

He was being careless because it hadn’t come for a while, but as he felt strange in recent days, that meant that it was his heat cycle coming. Thanks to his obsessive use of inhibitors, John had never had a heat cycle to the point where he had lost his temper like the first time. Nevertheless, it was impossible to fully control the precursor of the heat cycle.

As evidence, the heat and coldness were still mixed up and down inside his body.

It was really inconvenient that he had irregular heat cycles. Usually, his pheromones were rarely released as John was desperate to still be able to live his life as a Beta. Lillyn’s bartenders were mostly Alphas, but no one noticed that John was an Omega. It was fortunate for him as he never wanted to be the target of an Alpha again.

So he had better be careful with passing this on his own.

John swallowed the inhibitor and sleeping pill at the same time and dug into his pleasant bedding. In the room, the optimal temperature was automatically maintained, and the soft-scented bedding was very comfortable.

Suddenly, he thought of his apartment in Queens. The apartment was narrow, old and full of bugs, was as cold as in the middle of Siberia in winter and as hot as falling in the Sahara in summer. It was impossible to compare it to the penthouse, where everything was in a perfect condition.

“U-uhm…”

A languid groan naturally flowed through his lips as Valentine suddenly moved away, making him feel an indescribable anger. He still felt uncomfortable, but his body seemed to have become accustomed to the comfort. Even though John shouldn’t get used to it.

But now I’m honestly glad…

Admitting the fact, John crouched in a fluffy blanket. He had the day off tomorrow anyway, so if he just sat around in bed all day, he’d feel better soon. As if it was effective, his head quickly sank heavily, and his reason gradually became blurred. John sank into the world of unconsciousness.

Forced sleep with the power of medicine wasn’t refreshing at all, as it led to a feeling similar to a narcolepsy.

Lost in the realm of dreams, John wandered aimlessly, losing the sense of time. A gentle touch brushed against his head, awaking his consciousness. 

His heavy eyelids trembled and slowly opened. The first thing John saw was the soft white reflection of a blonde hair. 

He thought he had not fully returned to reality, but upon seeing Valentine, John wasn’t surprised as he had expected it. He noticed that Valentine’s fingers were loosely entwined in his still-damp hair.

“Move…”

John pushed away Valentine’s hand and shifted his upper body to the side. He rested his head on a pillow, assuming a prone position, and muttered with a groan.

“If you’re going to intrude…”

“I was worried when you didn’t answer your phone.”

John listened to Valentine’s words, letting out a long yawn before managing to open his eyes once more. The room, covered in dark curtains, was shrouded in darkness, with only a faint blue silhouette discernible.

What time is it… If this bastard is here, it must be around 7 o’clock.

With a jumble of thoughts, John fumbled for his cellphone, clutching it in his hand. As he checked the time on the screen, his eyes widened in disbelief. Unbelievably, it was already past 2 p.m. Furthermore, there were dozens of missed calls, all from Valentine. The last call had come in at 6 a.m.

No way…

John couldn’t believe it, but he couldn’t help himself from furrowing his brows and asking.

“What about work?”

“I’ll go soon.”

“Crazy bastard.”

As the answer was what he expected, John cursed. Had he come in the morning and watched John sleep until now? John couldn’t help but let out a laugh, feeling a mixture of goosebumps and astonishment.

“When did you arrive?”

“I don’t know. Around 7 o’clock, I think?”

“You won’t get fired even after doing this?”

As his outstretched finger accidentally touched a light switch, the dark room was suddenly illuminated. Blinded by the brightness, John turned his head with a groan. While rubbing his tingling eyes, he heard Valentine speak in a excited voice.

“Are you worried about me?”

“…”

In a silence filled with contempt, Valentine, after waiting for an answer for a while, reluctantly added.

“In the end, it’ll be my company, so it’s fine.”

“…”

“And I took care of the important matters here.”

As he spoke, John noticed a laptop on the table. It was clear that Valentine had been working in the darkness with an almost lifeless body nearby. Without concealing his displeasure, John stepped down from the bed. Valentine, facing his back, spoke without hesitation.

“I was worried that something might have happened to you.”

“Bullshit. Don’t you think I know I’m being monitored constantly?”

As Valentine fell silent, unable to refute what John had pointed out, John realized that he had indeed been under surveillance. That’s why Valentine had been so quiet. Chewing on his cynicism, John slipped on the pants he had left hanging on a chair.

He felt a sense of helplessness being naked in front of Valentine. It was no other than Valentine. He could feel Valentine’s gaze piercing his back. But John refused to say anything, buttoning his shirt at a normal pace. If he appeared nervous, he felt as though Valentine might pounce on him at any moment.

Shaking his head forcefully, John turned around, meeting Valentine’s piercing gaze that had been waiting for him. John deliberately spoke to Valentine, his shoulders squared.

“Now that you’ve seen that I’m just fine, leave.”

“I haven’t eaten anything because I’ve been waiting for you to wake up… Do you want to have lunch with me?”

“I don’t want to.”

John immediately rejected Valentine’s offer without hesitation. He had no desire to have a meal with him, especially not during his heat cycle. Feeling impatient, John forcefully pushed Valentine out of the room. Though Valentine appeared dissatisfied, he realized he couldn’t overcome John’s determination and took a step back.

Standing by the front door, John warned Valentine with a firm tone.

“Next time, don’t come in without contacting me.”

“Okay.”

“No, let me rephrase that. Don’t come at all.”

“I can’t promise that.”

“Damn it, seriously…”

“But, John.”

“What?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Valentine, gripping the doorknob, turned around unexpectedly. Despite his calm demeanor, his blue eyes emitted a coldness akin to ice. However, Valentine, reverting back to his usual self before John noticed any difference, asked in a casual tone.

“Who is Melissa?”

“What?”

“I was curious why she wanted to meet you.”

It wasn’t surprising that Valentine had seen John’s phone while he was sleeping, given Valentine’s nature. However, the audacity to confidently question him without hiding the fact exceeded John’s expectations. Uncertain whether to be angry or laugh, John kept his silence.

As Valentine had mentioned, Melissa had contacted John a few days ago. She was worried after not having seen him in a while. The conversation was light, with her asking “are you feeling better?” and “we should talk soon”. John had responded briefly, thanking her, but he hadn’t thought much of it.

Melissa was a sweet person and, moreover, she was currently in a relationship with Alexa. John could have answered that.

But you should already know that.

John knew Valentine wasn’t asking because he genuinely didn’t know. He simply wanted to hear the confirmation from John’s own mouth. Even though Valentine no longer had the right to question him like that. No, he never had that right from the beginning.

Sensing the tension rising, John provocatively asked in return.

“What would you do if I wanted to go on a date?”

Valentine’s expression stiffened slightly. At the revelation, John smirked, feeling a sense of satisfaction.

“Don’t meddle in my private life.”

“Don’t lie.”

Valentine’s denial came without any room for doubt. His tone left no possibility open. It struck a nerve within John. John’s relaxed attitude, which had been relaxed moments ago, changed.

“You seem pretty confident, but I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

Suppressing his anger, John tilted his head slightly, purposefully feigning a smile.

“It’s not a date, as said, but… I am interested in her.”

A storm brewed in his eyes, sinking deeper than usual. The emotions simmering within were undeniably hostile. After a brief silence, Valentine slowly closed and opened his eyes. A cold, inorganic voice escaped his red lips.

“You don’t think I’m that oblivious, do you?”

“…What?”

“I already know that she is Joseph’s cousin.”

Valentine smiled as he gazed at John, whose expression had turned to stone.

“Melissa O’Connell, a Parsons’ sophomore. Her father is the U.S. Federal Director of Education, her mother is a psychology professor at the New York University, and she currently resides near Greenwich Village. Ah, what else do I have…?”

Valentine admired John, frozen like a statue.

“She is a dominant Omega.”

“…”

“How much of all that did you know about her?”

“… Stop being so creepy.”

Sparks ignited in John’s emerald eyes. What had started as a lighthearted prank mixed with irritation now felt chillingly serious. Valentine was genuinely probing John, trying to uncover where his breaking point lay. Unlike in the past, Valentine now possessed the power to carry out whatever he desired. I can’t believe I’ve come to realize it this way. Valentine pressed John, who was left speechless.

“Answer me, John.”

Valentine, having uncovered Melissa’s background through a brief moment of his sleep, likely didn’t believe there was more than friendship between them. Nevertheless, Valentine couldn’t even tolerate John showing interest in her.

…Although he had no right to react like that.

John wanted to laugh at Valentine, but the lingering possessiveness that once suffocated him was felt again. Slowly, the fear that he had suppressed all this time resurfaced, creeping up his spine and sending chills down his entire body. His breath grew shallow, and his heart pounded unsteadily. John gritted his teeth, avoiding Valentine’s gaze.

“If you’re not leaving, stay here. I’m going out.”

A dog with fear always shows its teeth. John, having lost his composure upon realizing the truth, growled. However, as soon as he moved past Valentine, John felt his wrist being grabbed. Their gazes collided in the air. Valentine’s lips curled up as he scanned John’s face, which was marked with anger and fear.

“… Let go of me.”

John spoke, hostility evident in every syllable that he didn’t try to hide. However, Valentine remained firm.

“You haven’t answered yet.”

“I told you to let go.”

“Tell me what she knows about you.”

Since their reunion, Valentine had remained aloof and unyielding to any of John’s provocations. Yet, now, his patience wavered merely because a woman’s name had come between them. Valentine’s jealousy brought back memories of their teenage years when they freely exchanged raw emotions without any reservations. It was a time when they were unafraid to confront each other with their true feelings.

In the hazy afternoon sunlight, Valentine’s eyes carried a lighter shade than usual, revealing raw and unrefined emotions. It was a stark contrast to his typically expressionless face that seemed to wear a mask. But there was nothing amusing about it.

The frayed nerves were on the verge of snapping. John suppressed his boiling anger, his lips tightly sealed. Weeping up his hair with one hand,  he asked, mocking Valentine deliberately.

“How much do you know about me?”

“…”

“Outdated things from the past, things I don’t even remember? Let go of me, damn it.”

John shrugged his shoulders as if finding it genuinely funny. A fine crack formed on Valentine’s composed face. But even so, the grip on John’s wrist remained unyielding. John forcefully pushed Valentine’s chest.

“Fuck, let go! Let go of me…!”

However, after a brief physical struggle, John found himself restrained, even his hands immobilized. There was an insurmountable power gap between them. John struggled vehemently, refusing to accept defeat. Despite being weaker than Valentine, he was still a man. Eventually, Valentine’s grip weakened under the pressure of John’s rebellion, and his arm, unable to overcome the centripetal force, swung wildly through the air.

Slap!

Valentine’s head snapped to the side with a sharp sound. John’s backhand stung instantly, as if it had been burned.

“…”

And when Valentine turned his head back, a small cut had formed at the corner of his smooth lips, blood trickling down. Licking the blood from his lips, Valentine stared at John without uttering a word. The tension in the air grew palpable, far different from before. Valentine smiled faintly as he gazed at the pale-faced John. His voice carried a cool and composed tone.

“How much do I know?”

“…”

“At the very least, I know you better than you think.”

“…”

“You started your heat cycle today.”

In that moment, time stood still for John, and everything seemed to crumble. 

He felt his strength drain away all at once. A repressed memory came crashing down upon his hardened mind. Vaguely, he recalled the events of his first heat—the night when his muscles melted helplessly, like a puppet with severed strings, and the flicker of reason burned down to ashes. John was John, but not John. It was the power of pheromones that could only be called demonic that dismantled him to the bottom.

If he got to that point once again…

His clenched fist turned clammy with cold sweat. John, who had momentarily lost his composure, lowered his head and exhaled a breath that had unconsciously held. The narrowed focus intensified the tension, making everything appear distorted and entangled. He tried to gather himself, to regain his composure somehow.

I’m different now.

I took inhibitors, and I’ll be fine.

Look, the proof is that I’m rational and…

“John, does that woman you’re interested in know?”

Valentine took a step closer to John, who struggled to maintain his sanity. He smiled softly, his gaze fixed on John’s rigid face. His lips, so close to John’s ear, whispered as if sharing a secret.

“The fact that you’re an Omega.”

What John wanted to say showed in his eyes.

John didn’t fully accept his identity as an omega, but it didn’t mean that he was unbearably ashamed of it. The biggest reason why he hid being an Omega from people around him was to protect himself and be safe.

Yet, when defined as an Omega by Valentine, a strange and unfamiliar echo resonated within John. The shame stirred in his gut, making him feel profoundly vulnerable.  and the feeling of being infinitely weak made me stumble. John had an experience of being torn apart by Valentine that haunted him, its impact lingering in his core.

So what?

… I’m fine now.

John clenched his teeth, trying to steady his mind that was fraught with fear. He feared Valentine might expose him, yet he was determined not to run away recklessly as he had in the past.

Ignoring the trembling fear within him, John forced a smile and lifted his head, mirroring Valentine’s gesture of speaking close to his ear. He knew this would provoke Valentine’s anger, but he couldn’t resist the chance to see his rigid reaction when his name was called. With a sneer hidden in his words, John continued to speak.

“Why do you believe Omegas can’t satisfy women?”

Beneath the surface softness, sparks of defiance flickered. Valentine bowed his head, their eyes meeting with intense gazes and their breaths intertwining. A numb smile curved on Valentine’s lips as he spoke in a hushed voice.

“Your answer is wrong, John.”

“You’re not entirely mistaken. Right now… I have my heat cycle, so I’d prefer to be fucked than to fuck someone.”

As soon as he finished speaking, John turned and headed for the front door without a pause. But before he could step out of the hallway, Valentine, who had followed him, abruptly pulled him back. The door slammed shut with a loud bang, trapping John between it and Valentine’s outstretched arms. Valentine’s face was pale as he held John tightly, his voice trembling.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“What a stupid question.”

“I asked where you’re going.”

“Where can an Omega in heat go? I have to find the right alpha and hold onto them.”

For Valentine, those words cut through the air like ice-cold water. As his agitation grew, it only fueled John’s perverse satisfaction. He wanted to unsettle Valentine even further, maybe even wound his heart—inflict a scar equivalent to what had been left on him. Succumbing to an uncontrollable impulse, John uttered a thoughtless response.

“Or maybe you’ll just rape me again?”

In that instant, the tension that had been stretched to its limit suddenly froze. And in his frustration, John realized he had reacted too hastily.

Because what had transpired between them should no longer hold any significance for him.

‘…Fuck.’

He shouldn’t have succumbed to provocation, but in the heat of the moment, he let his emotions get the better of him, revealing too much. The lingering resentment and anger had resurfaced. The heat behind his eyes intensified, as if his feet had been scorched.

John, with reddened eyes, chuckled, turning away from Valentine. He no longer possessed the confidence to face him. And so, he took a step forward, as if fleeing.

“…!”

Valentine’s arm extended from behind, encircling John’s body. His solid form pressed against John’s back, holding him in place. John, momentarily paralyzed, belatedly regained his senses and struggled against the embrace. The heat emanating from Valentine’s body enveloped him, making it hard to catch his breath.

“Let me go…!”

With each of John’s movements, pheromones wafted through the air like feverish flowers. The inhibitors he took could only partially control his heat cycle, which had reached its peak. Unrefined pheromones flowed through his uncontrollable body, their concentration higher than usual.

“L-let me go…”

John’s voice quivered, his tongue feeling as stiff as wood. Even to himself, his feeble words seemed weak and barely audible.

“… I told you to release me right now.”

Protesting, John strained against Valentine’s grip, but Valentine only tightened his hold. Sensing the tension in John’s body, Valentine whispered.

“I’m sorry.”

“…”

“It’s my fault.”

“…”

“I made a mistake out of impatience.”

Valentine lowered his head slowly, resting his forehead against the nape of John’s neck. Blonde strands of hair cascaded over his pale skin. John trembled, but Valentine showed no signs of releasing his grip.

“You can curse at me, you can even hit me. You don’t have to accept my apologies.”

“…Uck.”

“But I am sorry, John.”

The torrent of emotions slowly drained from John’s body. As he regained some semblance of composure, tears streamed down his face, tracing an endless path. Damn it. John bit his lip, trying to swallow back the stinging tears. He didn’t want to appear more foolish in front of Valentine, who, understanding his turmoil, remained silent.

Fortunately, he managed to hold back his tears. Trapped in Valentine’s arms, John surrendered halfway, exhaling a long breath that carried both exhaustion and relief. Am I feeling a sense of release or frustration? He couldn’t find an answer within himself.

But one thing was certain—at least for now. The fear he had harbored when he was with Valentine hadn’t materialized. Valentine hadn’t strangled him, crushed him, or selfishly taken advantage of him. Instead, he had apologized for his thoughtless words. The tension that had once gripped John’s shoulders began to ease.

“…Move.”

How long has it been since you’ve been like this? John helplessly grasped Valentine’s wrist and muttered. This time, Valentine yielded without hesitation. They faced each other, and John lowered his eyelids. He no longer had the energy to waste on futile fights. His voice, locked behind a forced laugh, whispered through his lips.

“I need to rest.”

“…Right.”

Valentine nodded, and John silently turned away. Just as he was about to take a step back.

“John.”

Valentine approached him, his face expressionless. His hand hesitantly reached out, touching the back of John’s hand. Valentine held his hand, neither accepting nor rejecting the gesture, and bowed his head. His soft lips, drained of color, brushed against John’s cold hand.

“You are the only one who matters to me.”

A low voice lingered in the air, swimming slowly between them.

“But you can always leave me.”

“…”

“I’ll just continue to worry.”

John couldn’t discern Valentine’s expression as he kept his head down. Blinking, he furrowed his brow. It felt as if a stone were lodged in his throat, preventing him from fully denying or affirming Valentine’s words. In anticipation of a response, Valentine remained silent, refraining from saying anything more.

And so, the two figures cast long shadows in the void that followed the storm.

***

Valentine didn’t go to work that day. Yet, he didn’t do anything specific. He simply sat there, watching John. John pretended not to notice him but also didn’t urge him to leave. The day passed in an unsettling tension.

By sunset, John drifted into a restless sleep and he felt a gentle touch on his cheek. But the faint sensation dissipated without a trace soon after. When John woke the next morning, Valentine was already gone, leaving behind only the lingering warmth.

Having rested well, John’s condition had returned to normal. He sat at the edge of the bed, lost in thought. 

I still have time before work, what should I do?

After a moment’s hesitation, John rose from the bed. He took a quick shower and left the mansion. The midday sun scorched the city. With narrowed eyes, John gazed at the sky, his fine hair glimmering in the wind.

His destination was High Line Park, where he often found solace amidst his turbulent thoughts, observing people without really thinking like he did in Monterrey. Time flew when he thought about how different but similar they were.

Amidst the mix of tourists, students, and citizens, John strolled leisurely along the park’s pathways. He looked at the passersby, the shimmering surface of the Hudson River in the distance, and the summer sunlight. Gradually, his regular senses returned.

By the time John reached Chelsea Piers, lunchtime had long passed. Carrying a sandwich, a bottle of water, and a book product of an impulsive purchase, he settled onto an empty bench. Yachts of large and small sizes were in the water, anchored near the pier.

Taking a hearty bite of his sandwich, John opened the book and began reading. It was a gripping mystery novel, the opening chapter capturing his interest. He had only read a chapter when he raised his head, intending to take a momentary break. It was then that he belatedly noticed someone staring at him.

“…”

Across from him, a man sat on a bench. He appeared to be in his mid-thirties, and even if it’s not nice to say to a person, he looked like a lost dog. His disheveled hair unsuccessfully tamed with pomade, and his suit was all crumpled. His eyes showed that maybe he was drunk.

He didn’t seem like a normal person. His gaze remained fixed on John, not caring about having eye contact, and that rudeness was what strengthened that idea. Seeming to have let down his guard, the man’s eyes shifted from John’s face to the sandwich. Then, he gulped.

Ah… maybe he’s hungry?

If he was a homeless man with a genuine need, struggling with hunger, it would make sense. After a moment of hesitation, John lightly shook the untouched half of his sandwich. The man’s eyes widened in response. After a bit, he approached John.

“You sure?”

The man, standing in close proximity, was taller than John had initially thought. Surprisingly, his appearance and voice were well-maintained. His clothes didn’t seem to be dirty. So he’s not homeless? John nodded, not fully convinced. Then, an interesting look flashed through the man’s eyes. Without hesitation or asking for permission, he sat down next to John and asked curiously.

“Do I look like a beggar?”

“That’s… not what it was.”

John stopped speaking and furrowed his brow. It was evident that the man had been drinking alcohol because of his breath. Despite his relatively good appearance, the man’s flushed complexion and slightly dark complexion indicated that he wasn’t in the best of health.

“It’s just that you were looking at my sandwich with such eager eyes.”

John’s calm answer stung the man as if he had been caught off guard. But then he laughed, and a man with a shake of his head asked with fun.

“Was it that obvious?”

“A little. If you don’t mind eating… here.”

He didn’t refuse it when John offered half a sandwich and reached for it. Taking a big bite of the sandwich, the man mumbled, “Tastes good.” John shrugged in response.

Returning his attention to the book he had been reading, John thought the conversation had come to an end. However, the man talked to him again. Perhaps he was curious about him

“It’s true that hunger drove me, but it was more than that. I was fascinated by the sight of a young man like you, sitting by the Hudson River, reading a book. Are you a student?”

With a faint smile, John shook his head.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not a student.  Moreover, I never even properly graduated from high school.”

The man stroked his chin, failing to conceal his surprise.

“The length of your bag strap is surprising. Ah, it’s not like that matters. What I wanted to say is that you exude a sense of calmness.”

John smiled briefly with a look on his face that he didn’t know what to say. Perhaps to have a full-fledged conversation, the man turned his upper body to John. The summer sunshine sank in the sky over the wide shoulders.

“So what were you doing here? Taking a break?”

“Yes, you can say that. But it’s more than that.”

“…?”

“I think you’re someone a bit more suspicious to run into in the midday park.”

“Well, I’ll admit that.”

The man raised his lips obliquely and admitted meekly. Then he looked through John with his searching eyes and muttered something unexpected.

“Have you ever seen me before?”

“Pardon? Uhm…  No?”

“I see. That’s enough.”

He was a hard man to understand. With that in mind, John dropped his eyes. He wasn’t very happy to be disturbed from his long awaited rest after a long time. It was just as he was about to say a proper greeting and leave.

“At a time like this, it’s not too good to see a drunk man slack out. I know.”

“… That’s not it.”

“Have you ever felt that way?”

“Like how?”

John kept his mouth shut without realizing because he felt sorry, but it was late. At the ensuing conversation, he gently lowered his butt, which he had hesitated to do, back on the bench. The man stared at the river with his thin eyes as if he had arranged his thoughts. The calm water with the light shone like gold.

The man, who had been silent for a while, muttered in a low voice.

“I thought I was just burdensome, but I’m more afraid that no one expects anything from me anymore…”

“…”

“In the meantime, I feel like I’m the one who makes me the most miserable.”

“…”

“That’s why I drink, to escape reality.”

The conversation, too intimate to share at first sight, embarrassed John. Nevertheless, the reason why John could not leave was that he could also understand to some extent the frustration felt by the man.

If that’s the case… I’ve been through it before.

Despite not having such an emotional personality, John, who had been complicated by a series of recent events, responded smoothly as usual.

“If that’s how you feel, I’ve been through that, because I’ve had quite a lot of hardships too.”

The man raised one eyebrow and asked back.

“Do you mean, you’re progressing?”

“That’s right. I still don’t know the answer. But…”

“…”

“If I survived for now, I think that’s enough, because if I hold out somehow, I’ll have another chance.”

The last word lacked confidence even for himself to hear. John, embarrassed, smiled awkwardly and frowned. It was clear that it wouldn’t be any comfort to that man, such as his shallow consolation or empathy, so he thought he had done something useless.

“Survived…”

However, contrary to John’s thoughts, the man thought about what he said with an unexpectedly serious look. The man, who had been silent for a while with a serious look on his face, soon lifted the tip of his lips smoothly.

“You’re right. The one who survives in the end will decide who wins.”

“What…”

“I’ve been feeling really fucked up lately, and I’m feeling a little better today. Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“I mean it.”

The man smiled at John, who felt embarrassed and avoided his gaze.

“You’re not a student, so do you work?”

John hesitated for a moment, considering making an excuse, but he didn’t feel like it with this man. Perhaps there was an unspoken understanding among those who had experienced hardship. Eventually, John decided to be honest.

“Yes, I work at a bar.”

“Is it a famous one?”

“Lillyn, a rooftop bar near Madison Square.”

“Aha…  are you a waiter or a manager?”

“Neither, I’m a bartender. So, uhm… if you’re free on weekdays, I can give you a cocktail for free. To cheer you up.”

The man smiled and nodded in John’s favor. He reached out his hand.

“I’m Finn.”

“I’m Ethan.”

“Ethan, it’s nice to meet you. I appreciate your kindness to an unexpected stranger.”

He had a sense of realization. John offered a faint smile and lightly shook Finn’s hand. However, he couldn’t think of anything else to talk about with him. John stood up and addressed Finn, who looked up at him.

“I think it’s time for us to part ways. Anyway… I wish you all the best.”

“Haha, thank you. May the goddess of fortune be with you.”

After John left, Finn sat alone and quietly finished the remaining sandwich. It was a simple meal of bread and ham, nothing extravagant, but it served its purpose. Lost in thought, Finn muttered a name to himself.

“Ethan…”

Finn, being someone with a big pride, was not one to readily accept advice from others. However, he couldn’t deny the comfort he felt from the brief encounter with a stranger. Did he say Ethan? It was a one-time meeting, but he seemed like a good person. Finn popped the last piece of bread into his mouth, wiped the mustard sauce from his lips with his thumb, and pulled out his vibrating cellphone. Hobbes’ name appeared on the screen.

“What’s going on?”

“Vice President, I think you should come back to the office”

Upon hearing Hobbes’ words, Finn’s eyes, which had been drooping slightly, lit up. Despite his shortcomings in management, he had a natural sense of duty.

“I’m on my way.”

As Finn rose from his seat, his bodyguards, who had been waiting discreetly, followed suit. Without hesitation, Finn left Pier 45. A heavy Lincoln sedan was waiting for him, as if it had been waiting for him.

Folding his legs into the open car door, Finn slowly lifted his gaze.

The brief break was over. Once again, he was about to dive into the battle, protecting his flesh from the relentless swarm of piranhas.

***

Joseph, who had been absent from Lillyn for a while, appeared at midnight, on the transition from Friday to Saturday. Looking firm, he approached John and asked, “Busy?” John shook his head gently and replied, “Wait.” He loosened his apron and signaled his colleague by tapping the table.

“I’m going to take an hour off. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, but make sure to be back by one o’clock.”

“Okay, thank you.”

After leaving the bar, John approached Joseph. As they closed the distance, Joseph’s serious expression became more visible. Playfully, John crouched down and made eye contact from below, just as he had done before. Unexpectedly, Joseph’s golden eyes flickered with a sense of being caught off guard.

“Why are you acting like we’ve never met before?”

Instead of answering, Joseph averted his gaze. John, sensing the reason behind his awkwardness, suppressed a laugh. Their previous awkward farewell seemed to have left Joseph feeling uneasy, but John felt the opposite. Once he opened up, their connection naturally became more intimate.

“Have you eaten?”

“I ate a while ago…”

“I’m hungry. Are you hungry?”

Joseph rubbed his stomach with an embarrassed expression, a rare sight.

“Is that so?”

“So, let’s go out for a bit.”

Without waiting for Joseph’s response, John left the bar first. They headed to a 24-hour fast food restaurant near Lillyn. As they pushed open the glass door, a greasy and damp smell greeted them. Standing at the end of the queue, John glanced back at Joseph and shrugged.

“There’s nowhere else to go at this hour. I know a young gentleman like you wouldn’t eat junk food like this.”

“It’s not like that.”

Joseph frowned at John’s comment, causing him to burst into laughter. After getting their hamburger sets, the two made their way to Madison Square Park. The atmosphere had cooled down thanks to the dissipating midday heat. The night carried a refreshing scent of grass with every breeze. Sitting side by side on a bench in front of the securely locked park, John unwrapped the paper bag and handed a hamburger to Joseph, who was still standing.

“Here you go.”

“… Thank you.”

Joseph hesitated for a moment before finally accepting the hamburger from John. They sat together and began eating their hamburgers. Although they had known each other for over a decade, it was the first time they had shared a meal like this. John felt a strange sensation as he belatedly realized this fact.

John finished his coke and wiped his mouth, then turned to look at Joseph. Joseph was deep in thought, holding half a burger in his hand, seemingly dissatisfied with the cheap hamburger’s taste. When John flicked a French fry towards him, Joseph furrowed his brow and brushed off the salt from his clothes. His discontented expression reminded John of their past days in Heritage. This made John grin.

“Why the long face?”

Joseph remained silent, his gaze fixed on a distant point as he kept his mouth shut. It was evident that he had something on his mind. Sensing that Joseph might not easily share his thoughts even if asked directly, John changed the subject.

“By the way, why did you come so late? And you’ve been drinking.”

Joseph paused at the mention of drinking and rubbed his cheek, looking embarrassed.

“Is it that obvious?”

“You reek of alcohol.”

“Damn.”

In response to John’s remark, Joseph cursed himself, not at John. With his arms draped over his knees, he hung his head. John observed him, uncertain of his own emotions, but the broad back covered by a white T-shirt revealed nothing. After a moment of silence, Joseph muttered gloomily.

“I’m a dickhead.”

“What?”

“I came all the way here after drinking.”

“Why? You go there for a drink anyway…”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Joseph raised his head. Then he continued to speak in a voice of hesitation.

“I mean, you…  You told me we were friends.”

Johan nodded twice without thinking.

“I did.”

“That’s like drawing a line.”

“What?”

“About what I… think about you.”

In response to the direct question, John fixed his face as if he had been attacked. Reading the silent answer from the awkwardness John revealed, Joseph rolled up one corner of his mouth.

“Don’t worry. I already knew.”

“…”

“But I just thought I needed to check.”

He sounded rather carefree. John blinked slowly because of the cleanness with no lingering feelings or regrets. Is that really the only purpose? He felt dubious to think so, but John nodded slowly.

“Right…”

But soon, John’s expression had to break down. He held it as hard as he could, but Joseph’s fists were already white because of the force. Joseph pretended to be nonchalant, but his tense hands were implicitly revealing his desire to hide.

Perhaps he felt John’s gaze, Joseph loosened his fists and lowered his head. John’s lips went down when he saw him.

Why can’t Joseph hide his feelings?

Joseph’s straight honesty and clumsiness were effective weapons. John’s solid wall, which rarely gets scratched, kept shaking in front of him. This emotion, which can only be called an impulse, permeated into a corner of his soft heart.

John knew that Joseph was a completely different person from himself and that it would always be like that. He thought that his feelings for him would also be an illusion that would disappear after a  while. It was clear that his emotions had been wrongly affected by the close view of a person collapsing into the abyss.

However, unlike his mind, which was telling John ‘no’, his heart fluttered and encouraged John. Why don’t I look forward to Joseph a little bit? Maybe he could understand me… Without any control, his lips moved on their own, pushed by a momentary impulse.

“Joseph, actually…”

“…”

“I met Valentine.”

Joseph’s expression froze at the unexpected confession.

“… What?”

“Or should I say that he discovered me?”

John went on with his eyes down. In the hope that his story would sound a little light, mixing intentional laughter.

“Well, I got caught. He looks fine on the outside, but… you know that fucker is completely out of his mind.”

“…”

“But what’s important is that Valentine found me, and what’s annoying is that he is better than before.”

John spoke lightly, as if joking, but Joseph’s face remained stern. John’s voice trailed off like a candle burning shorter than expected, due to a momentum worse than anticipated.

“That’s… all.”

Just as John was ending his story, Joseph, who had been silent, asked in a low voice.

“Did that fucker touch you again?”

John, momentarily frozen by the question’s weight, shook his head a beat later.

“No, no. It didn’t happen… what you’re thinking.”

Suddenly, Valentine’s voice, asking John to stay, flashed in his mind. John, as if trying to dispel those memories that teased his ears like hallucinations, exhaled deeply. He struggled to find the right words.

“Maybe… it won’t happen again.”

Joseph’s face wore a twisted smile in response.

“Do you believe him?”

“… Not really.”

A cold silence settled between them. It was Joseph who broke the uneasy silence first.

“Do you want to come to my place?”

“What…?”

“I think it might be better.”

John couldn’t hide his shaky expression at the unexpected invitation. He wondered if it was even appropriate at all, or if he was expecting some consolation and guidance for what lay ahead. He thought that would be enough. But… Joseph offered an explanation as if trying to interpret John’s silence.

“Just in case, don’t doubt my intentions. At least, I think it’s safer than being alone. Damn it… why do I feel the need to justify this?”

Joseph’s words seemed somewhat disorganized, so he closed his mouth,. A faint smile played on John’s lips as he watched him.

“Joseph.”

“…”

“You must have become a philanthropist.”

Joseph had a puzzled expression at John’s words, as if he had been seen through. He muttered to himself in a resigned voice.

“You’ve always been like that.”

“Thank you.”

“…”

“Thank you so much… I already feel a little better.”

John pulled his knees up, crossed his arms and rested his chin, looking up at the building across from them as if trying to gather his thoughts.

“… I’m going to be okay.”

In truth, things were far from okay, but John wanted to believe that they would be. He continued in a tone that was more about convincing himself than telling the truth.

“I don’t know what lies ahead, but I can’t keep running away forever.”

“…”

“I’ll keep facing whatever comes my way, even if it means enduring the hardships caused by Valentine. I don’t know what to do yet… but I won’t avoid it just because I’m tired of being swayed by circumstances, Joseph.”

John looked up at Joseph, resting his cheek on his arm. The cool breeze rustled through his fine hair. John’s eyes gleamed brightly, then dimmed as the headlights of a passing bus illuminated them.

“I can’t afford to worry about anything else right now. My situation is overwhelming, including you.”

“…”

“I’m sorry.”

In a more direct rejection than before, Joseph stared at John with an inscrutable expression. After remaining silent for a while, he bowed his head and met John’s gaze from the same eye level. A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

“I understand what you mean.”

“…”

“It’s fine. I won’t bring it up again, so don’t dwell on it.”

As John sat there in a daze, Joseph extended a hand towards him, brushing away the strands of hair that fell over his eyes. For a moment, John blinked, taken aback by the unexpected touch.

“Just focus on yourself. If things get tough, let me know.”

Joseph smiled as John nodded in a daze. Observing that smile, which had an unusual twist to it, John bowed his head. A vague uneasiness stirred in the pit of his stomach. Trying to ignore that discomfort, he patted his lips.

“You always seem to worry about others. You know that?”

“I do. That’s just how I am.”

John burst into laughter at Joseph’s self-assured response. Both of his eyes narrowed, and his thin lips curved into a gentle smile without resistance. As John stared at him, Joseph pressed the back of his head.

“Don’t laugh like that.”

“Why… What’s wrong with smiling?”

“It makes me feel weird.”

In the end, John managed to free himself from Joseph’s grip on his head, and the remainder of his smile slowly faded. Joseph withdrew his hand, still holding onto John’s wrist.

“Usually, in a situation like this, when someone is in front of you…”

“…”

“What I want to do… I think you can guess.”

John, weighing Joseph’s words, eventually shook his head with a faint smile.

“No, Joseph. You’ve got the wrong one.”

“…”

“I’m not going to be that person.”

Joseph gave no answer, and John also kept silent. Suddenly, he could feel the strong beat from far away. As it approached one o’clock, the lights illuminated Lillyn, casting colorful beams of light into the night sky.

They looked up at the light from a quiet and desolate distance, far away from the splendid rooftop. The streets covered with silent darkness were lonely, but the atmosphere between them was peaceful. It was a calm night.