We Monsters Are Not Allowed to Be Single

Jiang Lan agreed to meet Auntie Xu at Yu Wan Plaza at half-past six.

Yu Wan Plaza was located near the Yu Wan Apartment Complex. With many recreational facilities, this plaza was the local people’s favorite place for their evening activities.

Square dancing[1] was an indispensable part of evening activities in this plaza.

Most of the members of Auntie Xu’s dance group are the residents in Yu Wan Apartment Complex. With around forty regular members, plus the passing pedestrians who decided to join the dance on the spur of the moment, this group always attracted high attendance every evening. Before the dispute, they always occupied a prominent spot in the middle of this plaza.

According to Auntie Xu, the other dance group in a dispute with them came from another upscale new apartment complex called Chun Jing. That apartment complex had its own plaza to accommodate the resident’s evening activities. Because most of the residents were young, upper-middle-class, square dancing didn’t have a huge following. With around a dozen members, this dance group was denied the use of the plaza after some residents complained anonymously that their dancing created too much noise. Under the mediation of the property administration office, they agreed to move the venue of square dancing to Yu Wan Plaza.

Henceforth, there were two dance groups in Yu Wan Plaza.

The Yu Wan Plaza was big enough for two dance groups. But the fragile peace between them ended this week when the newcomer decided that it was unfair that Auntie Xu’s group had the exclusive use of the best spot and proposed a competition in which the winner would have the use of the best place from then on.

At first, the idea of competition didn’t intimidate her. But the lead dancer in the new group appeared to be a professional dancer, and some of the members also seemed to have professional training. In contrast, the members in Auntie Xu’s group were all amateurs. So the competition wasn’t going to be fair.

That’s why Auntie Xu rejected their proposal on the grounds of unfair competition.

After that, the lead dancer visited her several times, but Auntie Xu wouldn’t budge. Their dispute then turned ugly, with the lead dancer conjuring up nine heads to intimidate her. In a rage, Auntie Xu turned to the street administration office for help.

While walking towards Yu Wan Plaza, Jiang Lan thought about the nine heads Auntie Xu mentioned, whether they were part of magic tricks or the original form of a monster.

But was there such a thing as a monster who likes square dancing?

When he arrived at the Yu Wan Plaza, Auntie Xu was already there with her dance group members and equipment. Opposite them stood three people. Among them, a beautiful woman in her thirties was obviously the leader. Dressed in fashionable clothing, she wore heavy makeup and curly hairs reaching her waist. She had an aggressive look on her face.

At that moment, Auntie Xu was in the middle of a heated argument with this woman. After seeing Jiang Lan, she dragged him to her side.” Look, little comrade, If I didn’t anticipate this and come early, they would have occupied this spot already! How come a grown-up person dressed like this behaved in such a disgraceful manner?”

Hearing this, the woman was furious.” Who do you accuse of being disgraceful?”

Having always been sharp-tongued, Auntie Xu immediately retorted.” I accuse anyone who talks back! Does the rule first come first served sound familiar to you? The use of this spot belongs to any group who first laid claim to it. It is so disgraceful to sneak here early to take over our spot!”

With her chest heaving, the woman said angrily.” Do you think I like to dance in this shabby place?”

Auntie Xu:” Oh, then you think this place is beneath you! The Yu Wan Plaza is not fit for a person of your noble status? Then why don’t you go back to your own apartment complex? I knew already that your group had been banned from dancing there for creating excessively loud noise. So disgraceful!”

Jiang Lan…….

Looking at Auntie Xu and the woman with flushed cheeks, he thought he shouldn’t be here.

Changing her tactic, this woman sneered.” Ok, we can stop talking nonsense now. Name your price for giving this spot away.”

Auntie Xu immediately turned to Jiang Lan.” Do you hear that? Little comrade? What kind of people will talk like this? When they know they can’t talk us out of this spot, they want to buy their way in! Do I look like I am desperate for money? Why don’t you just buy the whole Yu Wan Plaza? When you have the ownership of the whole plaza, you can dance wherever you want, and we will stay out of it.”

Jiang Lan had an embarrassed but courteous smile on his face.

He didn’t dare to say a word in the middle of this.

The bickering aunties were much more formidable than any monster he had seen.

Perhaps sensing she was losing this debate, the woman paused before asking a question.” If I acquire this plaza, can we use this spot?”

Auntie Xu:????

Then she turned to Jiang Lan.” Little Comrade, Is it possible for her to buy a government property? This plaza is government property, right?”

Now she concluded that this woman was quite wealthy and was used to getting her ways. 

Now the attention of everyone here turned to Jiang Lan. Clearing his throat, he said with a professional smile on his face.” This plaza is big enough for two dance groups. Wouldn’t it be better if everyone agreed to split the spot? I don’t see the need to argue over something like this.”

Proudly raising her head, the woman gave a sneering laugh.” I am Jiu Feng[2], I have never shared anything in my life.”

Auntie Xu couldn’t stay silent.” Nine Phoenix? Are you trying to impress me? As a retired school teacher, I have never seen someone acted in this outrageous manner!”

The name Jiu Feng sounded vaguely familiar to Jiang Lan. But before he had time to recall, Jiu Feng’s smile suddenly vanished, and her face grew grim.” Now I think we can dispense with this chitchat!”

Auntie Xu.” So you want to use violence? If you dare to raise your hands, I will call the Police.”

Jiang Lan…….

He had never coped with a situation like this. While he was trying to figure out how to restore the peace between them, Jiu Feng suddenly raised her hands, and everything, everyone instantly fell into silence.

Psychic Field[3]!

Jiang Lan calmly observed his surroundings. Looking around, he could still see the traffic on the road. But the sound seemed to be insulated. They would be invisible to anyone who happened to look in their direction.

Unaware of this change, Auntie Xu still tried to argue with Jiu Feng.

Looking down at her, Jiu Feng’s voice seemed to have a strange tune.” Ceding the spot to me.”

Auntie Xu was adamant.”No!”

Jiu Feng didn’t expect she would refuse. She again gazed at her, and nine heads vaguely appeared on both sides of her neck.” Ceding the spot to me.”

The appearance of the nine heads finally brought back those distant memories from Jiang Lan’s mind.

Witch God Jiu Feng had nine human heads and the body of a bird.

In ancient times, the distinction between humans and gods was blurry. To ensure their survival, weak humans would choose to worship those mighty and merciful humans or monsters as gods. Annual spiritual services had been held for them, offering them sacrifices and asking for their divine protection.

Jiu Feng was among those gods.

Before Jiang Lan was brought back to the Dragon Palace, he encountered Jiu Feng. At that time, he was mad with hunger and would bite anything he could lay his hands on. When Jiufeng met him on a desolate plain, unsurprisingly, a fight broke out between them. In the end, he bit off Jiu Feng’s tail feathers. For that, Jiu Feng chased after him for a long time, almost managing to break his horn. Finally, their fight ended in a stalemate.

Jiang Lan watched Jiu Feng calmly, thinking it was fortunate that Jiu Feng didn’t recognize him in his human form.

Hiding true identities was second nature to most monsters. High monsters were especially good at this. It was impossible to know their identity once they transformed into human forms unless they chose to reveal themselves.

Jiufeng was still trying to hypnotize Auntie Xu. But as a fierce fighter, she was not very good at hypnotism. Her hypnotism seemed not to work on stubborn Auntie Xu.

Auntie Xu’s answer kept changing back and forth between “ok” and “no.”

Appearing increasingly agitated, Jiu Feng said to one of her minions.” Go get me someone who is good at hypnotism. I must get her to say yes.”

Then she glanced at Jiang Lan.” You see nothing.”

In her eyes, galaxies seemed to twirl in an endless universe.

But Jiang Lan didn’t lose consciousness as she expected. He took a step forward to block her path.” The Clause 31 of the Monster Regulation clearly stated: Use of magic spell on humans is forbidden without a probable cause. If you don’t stop what you are doing, I will report to the Bureau and demerit points will be awarded according to your offence.”

Every monster registered with the Monster Bureau will be issued an identity card containing a memory chip. Besides the basic information about the card bearer, this chip also stored demerit points as part of a penalty system. These demerit points accumulate in a ten-year period. If a monster violates the Monster Regulation during this ten-year period, certain demerit points will be awarded depending on the offense committed. If the accumulated demerit points reach 50, the offender is obligated to attend a one-year education program. If the accumulated demerit points reach 100, the offender would be denied the right to live in a human city for the remainder of the ten-year period plus the one-year education program. 

Hearing this, Jiu Feng stopped to look at Jiang Lan with a shocked expression.” Aren’t you sent from the street administration office?”

Her looks seemed to be saying: Now, even the street administration offices were infiltrated by the people from the Monster Bureau.

Jiang Lan tried to look innocent.” Yes, I work in the Street Administration Office. And Auntie Xu asked me to mediate a dispute.”

Jiu Feng now had a despairing look.” Ok, Ok, I will give up this spot to her. Please don’t report me; I have already been awarded 90 points.”

“………….”

Only 10 points to being denied the right to live in a city, what an impossible feat to pull off!

Jiang Lan thought to himself. After these years, even Tao Tie was trying to be a model citizen nowadays. Why does Jiu Feng still retain her fierce temper?

The last time they met, Jiu Feng had pursued him for almost two months after the feathers in her tail were plucked off by him. Luckily he could fend off her attacks easily; otherwise, he might end up losing his horn.

Unsettled by this possible outcome, Jiang Lan continued.” If you could end this dispute peacefully, I wouldn’t report you. There are only around ten members in your group? Is it a waste of space if you have the exclusive use of the biggest spot?”

Jiu Feng raised her head proudly.” Humans have worshipped me for thousands of years. Now I can’t even use the best spot in a plaza?”

Jiang Lan tried to reason with her.” Now we live in a modern society and abide by the rule of a modern society. Now everything is run on the first come first served basis. Even the high monsters had to queue in line.”

Jiu Feng.” When I buy the Yu Wan Plaza, I don’t need to queue in line.”

Jiang Lan.” If you continue like this, I will report you.”

Jiu Feng immediately conceded her defeat.” Ok, ok, I will wait in line.”

But she again showed her displeasure with her nine heads turning to face Jiang Lan in unison.” If you threaten to report me again, I will devour you.”

Jiang Lan didn’t budge.” Threatening government employees will be punished with 10 demerit points.”

Jiu Feng.”……”

“I am wrong, little brother, please leave,”

She even withdrew her psychic field.

But Jiang Lan refused to leave. He insisted.” Before I am sure your dispute with Auntie Xu have been resolved, I can’t leave.”

While maintaining her smile, Jiu Feng cursed him in her mind.

With the psychic field gone, Auntie Xu came back to her senses.” Oh, yes, our business wasn’t finished yet. Oh, What was I saying?”

Jiang Lan looked at Auntie Xu reassuringly.” Madam Jiu Feng had realized she made a mistake, and didn’t want to argue any more.”

Shocked, Auntie Xu looked at Jiu Feng suspiciously.” When did she admit her mistakes? I have no recollection of that.”

“A moment ago.” Jiang Lan smiled at Jiu Feng.” Isn’t it?”

Gritting her teeth, Jiu Feng glared at this fearless little monster.” Yes, I have made a mistake. I shouldn’t bully you like this. You can continue to use this spot.”

Being a forgiving person, Auntie Xu smiled at her admission.” Oh, we wouldn’t come to this if you realized your mistakes earlier. So we still stick to our previous arrangement?”

Jiu Feng nodded reluctantly.

Auntie Xu was very pleased with this outcome. She heaped praises on Jiang Lan.” Little comrade was a very capable mediator. I will send you a thank-you red banner [1].”

Jiang Lan declined, saying there was no need. But Auntie Xu was insistent on this.

While this was going on, Jiu Feng remained on the sidelines, seething with anger. But she didn’t dare to use force at this point. When she was about to leave, the minion she dispatched to find a hypnotist had returned, together with a few more people.

“Master, I have brought the man you need.”

Auntie Xu’s smile vanished at this. She regarded Jiu Feng suspiciously.” Master? This word belongs to the imperial past. We no longer address people in this way. And what’s your purpose in bringing these people here?”  

Her eyes scanned them suspiciously.

Jiu Feng glared at the little monsters behind her and said coldly.” I asked them here to dance.”

Unaware of the turn of events during his absence, the little monster said hesitantly.” Didn’t you say we could take a day off today? They are already gone.”

What this little monster said gave his master away.

Auntie Xu clapped her hands.” Ho, it turned out your members are all hired dancers! No wonder they all danced very professionally. But why? I see no point in doing things like that.”

Jiang Lan didn’t expect this.

He watched Jiu Feng’s cheek flushed, never expecting to see a high monster pick up square dancing as a hobby.

What a diverse bunch!

Jiu Feng glared at the uncomprehending little monster and turned to leave.

She loved square dancing. But none of the high monsters she knew showed interest in square dancing. And she didn’t want to mingle with humans. In the end, she managed to convince several little monsters to join her dance group after much coercion and bribery.

But her nightly dancing was interrupted by a noise complaint lodged against her a month after her group was formed, and she was forced to move to Yu Wan Plaza.

Yu Wan Plaza already had one active square dancing group. As latecomers, they had to settle for a less ideal spot. But Jiu Feng was not the kind of person who made do with the second-best. After persuasion failed, she tried to intimidate Auntie Xu to give up the best spot.

But who would expect to run into the people from the Monster Bureau?

What bad luck!

Jiu Feng thought furiously that perhaps moving to a new apartment complex would solve her problem.

Before she turned to leave, Auntie Xu stopped her unexpectedly. Jiu Feng looked at her with a cold face: What does this human want?

Auntie Xu proposed.” It is a waste of money to hire people to dance with you, even for rich people. If you really love square dancing, why not join my group? I saw you performed some perfect dance moves yesterday. If you join my group, this spot will become yours! And we can learn some new dance moves from you. I think this is mutually beneficial for us.”

Jiang Lan nodded in admiration for Auntie Xu.

What a courageous move!

A human dared to ask Jiu Feng to join her in square dancing.

He had never seen anything like this.

A group of little monsters behind Jiu Feng were all trembling in horror, waiting to see what would happen next with this ignorant human.

But Jiu Feng didn’t erupt in rage at this proposal. Pausing a second, she said.” You want to invite me to be your lead dancer?”

Auntie Xu said.” We have several lead dancers in our group. A dancer with skills like yours will have no problem becoming our lead dancer. You might have the chance to represent our group to enter a square dancing competition.”

Jiu Feng was obviously tempted by this offer.

The joy of dancing alone is nothing compared to dancing among her peers.

As a retired former deity who had all the time in the world, square dancing had become her only occupation.

She thought Auntie Xu’s proposal was very appealing to her, so she nodded without further consideration.

Jiang Lan and Auntie Xu smiled at her reaction. But shocked looks appeared on those little monsters’ faces. They went forward to ask for her clarification.” Does this mean we are no longer required to meet you here at 7 o’clock every night?”

At this time, Jiu Feng was being dragged away by the eager Auntie Xu. Waving perfunctorily, she said.” Yes, yes, no need.” 

These little monsters were cheered by this piece of good news. Unlike those high monsters who had enough wealth to support them, they all have jobs during the day. It was tough to attend a square dancing session every night after a day of exhausting work, even if they were paid.

Now they were finally relieved of this burden. They thanked her in unison.” Thank you master.”

Jiu Feng seemed to take this for granted. But Auntie Xu took issue with her on this.” Judging by the way they addressed you, I think you must come from an old rich family? I have to remind you kindly that you have lagged behind our time. Now it is the 21 century. The feudal overlords have long been overthrown by the people. The titles like masters are dregs from the feudal times. I don’t care about this. But if the other members in our group overhear how they address you, they might reject you.”

Mindful of the fact that she was indeed friendless, Jiu Feng asked.” Why? I didn’t ask them to address me like that.”

With a knowing look, Auntie Xu explained.” The members of our dance group are all ordinary people. Once they hear you are called master, they would assume you are a noble lady from a rich family. Our members had nothing against rich people, but they would think twice about making you their friend. If they start to distance themselves from you, you might as well dance alone.”

Jiu Feng thought what she said made sense to her.

Since ancient times, she had always been friendless. Those who were less powerful feared her. Those powerful high monsters found they had few things in common with her.

That’s why she hired people to dance with her.

After a little thought, she decided to be as low-key as possible from then on.

Auntie Xu grew friendlier with her after sensing she was very receptive to her suggestion. She thought her overbearing manner was just the unfortunate product of a wealthy family and spoiled upbringing. 

Having worked as a school teacher for decades, she thought Jiu Feng was reasonable and deserved her help.

In a few moments, these two women had gone from opponents engaging in a heated quarrel to close friends swapping valuable life lessons.

Auntie Xu asked Jiu Feng curiously.” Oh, I have been meaning to ask you. How do you manage to conjure up nine heads? I have learned how to change masks in the blink of eyes from an old opera performer. But I have never seen a trick like this.”

Jiu Feng stole a glance at Jiang Lan, afraid that he might report this.

“Oh, this trick. It’s a trick passed down from my ancestors. It’s very hard to learn.”

Auntie Xu always took care to observe the proprieties. Knowing tricks passing down from ancestors were supposed to be secret, she stopped probing. Instead, she said.” There are few tricks like this today. I always like to watch illusionists performing stage magic. After retirement, I have attended lessons to learn how to perform changing face. I will bring my equipment to perform this trick for you. I think this trick might be better than your nine heads trick.”

Jiu Feng……

She tried very hard to maintain her smile.

***

Now more square dance group members have come here to attend today’s dancing session. After Auntie Xu introduced Jiu Feng to other group members, she thanked Jiang Lan again.

She praised him again, thanking him for resolving the dispute and bringing a lead dancer to their group.

“Today I trouble you too much. Next week I will send the thank-you banner to you.”

Jiang Lan didn’t know how to react. After seeing the members start to stand in rows, he hurriedly reminded her.” No need auntie. You see, your members are standing in rows waiting for you.”

Auntie Xu immediately returned to her group.

Jiang Lan took a breath of relief.

But he didn’t return home right away. He found a pavilion to sit down and watched Auntie Xu talking to her members. After a while, he saw Jiu Feng was invited to perform a dance in front of the group.

Perhaps Auntie Xu had invited her to demonstrate a new dance move.

And Jiu Feng did a terrific job performing her dance.

Remembering the fierce look on Jiu Feng’s face when she was in a relentless pursuit of him, Jiang Lan discovered now Jiu Feng was really a marvellous dancer.

Her aggressive appearance was replaced by a gentle, peaceful air around her when she danced. Perhaps that was the bird race’s gifts.

Taking out his phone, he sent a video clip he recorded with his phone to Ying Qiao:[ Guess who I met today while helping to mediate a dispute among local residents.]

Ying Qiao responded within a second. [Who?]

At this time, he was in the middle of a meeting with his employees. After reading the message, his mind began to wander.

Whose appearance made the Little Monster this excited?

[The Little Monster: I just met Jiu Feng!]

On seeing this, Ying Qiao instantly sat upright.

Jiu Feng?

Ying Qiao immediately suspended the meeting, telling his employees this meeting would be continued tomorrow and left.

How come the Little Monster ran into Jiu Feng?

He knew Jiu Feng to be a famous maniac in ancient times.

She was famous for being vindictive, comparable to Ya Zi of the Dragon Palace. But Now Ya Zi was gone. She was still alive and retained her fierce temper.

Tai Feng had complained to him about her several times, accusing her of being quarrelsome. He planned to banish her to the mountains after her demerit points reached 100 to remove a potential threat to the peaceful coexistence between humans and monsters.

How did the Little Monster get himself involved with her?