You Have Everything I Dislike

I was someone who liked being lively, whereas the third master preferred to be quiet. We eventually found out that things would only get boring when it was only us two. We would spend the entire time we were together playing with our phones, which would be charging on the same outlet. 

As a result, the third master frequently compromised by taking me out to party with our friends. Sprinkling PDA and successfully disgusting our circle every now and then. Family members and dogs, on the other hand, were two of the most powerful forces opposing us.

The third master’s close friends were among the dragons and phoenixes, red rabbits among horses, and the wonderful flowers of Xiamen University.

Let’s start with H, a classmate of his. You could tell by his initials how much he was (…) Oh!

H, who had the appearance of a Korean star and a lovely personality, had always been my favorite of the third masters’ friends. I had repeatedly refused the third master’s invitation to come to Beijing in the past, instead requesting that I go to Xiamen, which had a lot to do with seeing the cute H.

Since H’s mother was a devout Catholic, she made him attend, sing, and worship in church since he was a child. Although H was not as religious, he would still do the following for the sake of his mother.

In one case, I arrived in Xiamen just as H had left for church, so I could not have dinner with him.

So then, this guy started spamming the group chat after church service.

【H: Let’s go get dinner?】

【H: Hey, anyone up for a round of Werewolf?】

【H: What about some karaoke?】

It was already past ten at night, and the third master and I were at the hotel watching “Where Are We Going, Dad?” so we didn’t pay him any mind.

Seeing as no one responded, H became enraged and wasted no time dialing the third master’s phone number.

Third Master: “What’s the matter?” 

“What are you doing right now?”

Third Master: “I’m—”

“Whether you’re playing a game, watching a movie, shopping, or rolling around in bed, it’s so heartless of you to ignore me!” 

H angrily growled, cutting the third master off.

“I’m having dinner with Bu,” the third master calmly lied.

H: “What?! You’re having dinner (⊙ o ⊙ )!? All right, all right. Then you guys keep eating. I didn’t cause any problems, did I?”

From the sidelines, I could hear everything and was rendered speechless. H—that big foodie—seemed to believe that anything could be forgiven as long as food was involved… 

  

Y, another of the third master’s classmates and roommate, was an incredibly nerdy person.

During the summer, while strolling around campus with the third master, I would frequently feel rain hit me, which was not unusual given the recent cloudy showers.

“Is it raining?” I’d ask him every time this happened.

The third master would often look up to confirm before saying an audible “yes” with unrivaled calm.

I did not once doubt him at all, either.

Third Master, Y, and I once went to eat together in the cafeteria. As we passed under a gum tree, we felt drops of rain hit us again.

“It’s raining!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah,” the third master calmly affirmed.

Y looked at the sky. “No, it isn’t,” he said, full of doubt.

I was as perplexed as he was. “Y, don’t you feel it? It’s a rather heavy one this time.”

“It really isn’t raining, ah.”

Y seemed to think of something and pointed to a distant open space for me to see. “Look over there! It’s completely dry, right? But have you noticed how wet our area is?”

I examined the bone-dry ground from afar. “Are you serious? What’s going on?”

“You genuinely have no idea about one of the first things to know here at Xiamen University?” Y was surprised. “That’s not rain — it’s cicadas peeing on the trees.”

“( ⊙ o ⊙), ah!” My entire expression froze.

The third master on the side howled with laughter.

It immediately opened doors to a new world for me. Remembering the cicada pee I’d been dripping in for days made me feel a bit ill.

On our way back after our meal, we once again passed under the gum tree. In horror, I covered my head.

Me: “Third Master, Third Master! It’s pee! There’s pee!”

Third Master: “Calm down.”

“Pee just went inside my mouth!” I cried.

Third Master: “Then stop talking…”

“Ah! Ah! It’s so disgusting!,” I gagged.

Third Master: “Nevermind, then. Cicada pee is clean, ah. Cicadas only drink tree sap, so their pee isn’t dirty at all.”

“You’re talking nonsense! Just look at this huge puddle on the ground — it’s clearly yellow! And it smells weird!” I yelled angrily.

Y, who had been quietly listening to us, suddenly inserted himself into the conversation. 

“Oh, maybe it’s too hot and the cicadas are on fire.”

The cicadas are on fire…. 

On…. On fire….

  

We used to have a dog named Laifu in our house.

On my first day back home for winter vacation, my father chucked all the ham onto my plate for dinner, picking out the softest slice for me. 

Just as I was amazed at my father, whose love was like that of a mountain, he opened his mouth. 

“Mash the cakes and ham together and feed Laifu. Add more ham, though. It doesn’t like cake as much.”

I looked at the meat in my plate. Crying silent tears in my heart, I followed my father’s instructions to please the great little one. The end result was a different take on bibimbap. 

It must have been really good since, in the middle of taste-tasting… I accidentally finished everything.

When Laifu watched me swallow the last bite, its head tilted in shock.

Half an hour later, I was stuck in my bedroom, too afraid to get out. Our dog was barking furiously right outside my door.

  

We did not know what breed of dog Laifu was, but she was probably of the inexpensive kind. Similar to a panda’s, her eyes were surrounded by black circles and appeared very symmetrical. She resembled the dog, Laifu, from Hayao Miyazaki’s painting, so the family named her that.

Laifu was adopted by my sister from the animal shelter. She practically grew up with my little nephew.

At the time, Third Master and I went to my sister’s house to hang out and basically took on the responsibility of taking it out for a walk and picking up after its poop every day. My sister was usually very busy, so she only took it out for a walk about once a day.

Since we had nothing to do at home, the third master would more or less take it out of the house to buy things or go on walks every time he went downstairs. As a result, Laifu grew particularly fond of the third master.

Later on, my sister moved to another house temporarily. Since pets weren’t allowed there, Laifu was sent to our house for us to look after.

I watched it grow from a skinny puppy to the ball-like dog she was now. My family had obviously spoiled it rotten.

The dog had a remarkable memory. Although it had been a long time since we last saw her, it never barked when the third master came to my house. 

She hugged the third master with her plump self and said hello. 

“Shit-shoveling officer, you’re back!”